Before I Lose You
by grayribbon
Summary: "I'm sorry miss, but a man's heart will not be fine at the rejection of a dance from the woman he is fond of," "Then I suggest you go look for exactly that woman, my Lord," She was different than any other woman he'd ever met. And that only made him knew that he just had to be with her.
1. Prologue

Prologue

_"I'd rather not, my King," she said to him, her eyes fearful yet her voice sounded so determined, so fearless. He laughed in his heart at the paradox of things, but he held out his hand, waiting for an answer he knew he could possibly never get._

_"So you would deny a king his request?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and smiling at her._  
_"Only if I think he would do fine without it being granted," she answered, fear completely gone within her. He was a good head taller than she was, and he was impressed at her braveness to talk to a king like that; so casual, so ordinary, no excessive words to impress him, so… honest._  
_"I'm sorry, miss," he said, "But a man's heart will not be fine at the rejection of a dance from the woman he is fond of, be he a king or anyone else," and at that, she silenced._  
_"Then I suggest you look around the room for exactly that woman, my Lord," she said. Her words silenced him, and she lowered her body, readying herself to leave. He only stared at her as she grew further and further away, lost in the crowd around him._  
_He would find a way to be with her. He knew that, and in the back of her mind and heart, she knew that too._


	2. The King's Sanity: It's Getting to Him

**Chapter 1: The King's Sanity (It's getting to him)  
**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. Maybe some future OCs and the plot is mine.

**Author's Note**: Hello everyone! So some of you may be wondering why I'm writing another story when 'You Haven't Lost Me Yet' is not finished yet. Well I'm having a writer's block with that plot, not that I don't know where to go with it, just that I need something new. I will finish You Haven't Lost Me Yet, do not worry. In the mean time, this is my new one; Before I Lose You. Read and review folks!

* * *

"I really do not care when it is held, next week or I'm not going to choose any one of them," he stated and despite the content of his statement, he stated it rather diplomatically. Like a leader, the statement is absolute and not to be negotiated anymore. He's usually a man of flexibility, able to negotiate in favor of his people's needs, but this particular matter was about his personal 'need', (at least that's what they tell them it is: a need) and he was not going to negotiate about it.  
"Blast it," he said as he closed the door of his room behind him, the situation and the lords of the throne room long gone. Caspian rested himself on the heavy wood door behind him, finally breathing. He closed his eyes for a minute, not tired because of this problem only, but everything else. Running a kingdom isn't exactly easy, and not that he doesn't enjoy his work, but sometimes it's a bit too much. And only in times like these did he agree to find a queen to make his own and find her fast.  
"But I will not marry if not for love," he said to himself, an oath he kept until this very second. He doesn't care if this makes him look like a child, but he will never marry if not for love, be it for the sake of his people or not. The need to produce heirs is not enough to make him marry the woman he only finds 'suitable for the role'.

Caspian then walked over to the balcony and stood behind the railings, looking over his kingdom. Beside him was his pet eagle, obviously calmer than he was. He looked at the animal for some time and walked to him. He sighed before begin talking.  
"Rorkan," he called and the bird walked closer to him, aware and friendly towards his master.  
"When will anyone learn that I will not negotiate in this?" and Rorkan just flapped his wings.

"My king," his head turned at the professor's voice. Dr. Cornelius stood at the entrance to his balcony, smiling.  
"Professor," Caspian answered with a grin on his face. The old doctor walked towards his pupil, who was still silently petting Rorkan.  
"Something is troubling you," the old professor said. Caspian did not answer for a while, not wanting to tell his professor (or anyone else in this matter) about the problems of his love life.  
"I just need some room, that's all," he said. The professor, who knew it was a lie only smiled and although he knew he was being lied to, Dr. Cornelius played along.  
"My boy if you need some space alone, you should go someplace, clear your head," he said. Caspian considered the idea but quickly shook it.  
"I cannot leave the people without their king," he stated. The professor just smirked.  
"There is Trumpkin and Glenstorm here, Caspian. Besides," he added, "your sanity is much more important than answering the people's problems every day. Instead of giving solutions to everyone else's troubles, why not answer your own?" he said. Caspian quieted and thought to himself. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't do what the professor suggested.

"I think I can take it," he said, referring to the pressures of palace life. And now it was his turn to quiet down. He had to get Caspian out, it was what the great Lion told him to do, after all. 'Caspian needs to find peace before he can find what he searches for,' and that leaves it be. He knew his student was so encaged in the palace, dealing with everyone else's problems without finding any closure for his own.  
"Just think about it, my king," the professor finally said, "Meanwhile let's get to the throne room," he said.  
"What's in the throne room now?" Caspian asked, thinking that the lords would be done by now. Or else..  
"You know what," the professor grinned and walked away.  
And Caspian had no choice but to follow him.

When he got to the throne room, the guards opened the doors and he was silenced. He looked at the view inside there, and Caspian managed to walk to the thrones, and before sitting down, he turned around and looked.  
Frills and laces were seen a lot more than one usually does in the throne room, and diamonds and large stones of royalty and crown jewels and fans were also seen today.  
The women stood, some in groups and some alone, but all were following his every move. Some were smiling behind their fans, with their eyes naughtily looking at him, and everybody grew silent at his entrance.

"I thank you for your presence," Caspian said. These women were here to offer themselves as his queen, and each and every day for the past two months the Lords had somehow managed to bring in new royalties and new ladies of high ranks to marry their king. And it was all to no avail. Caspian had grew tired of these things, and today he wished he can just storm out, but no. That was not the behavior of a king, let alone a man like Caspian. He would not be so cruel to the women, after all, it's not their fault that they annoy him so. He even finds some of them having the qualities to be his friends. It's not them that annoys him, it's the idea of the lords wanting him to marry one of them that itched his very being.  
Caspian sat down, forcing himself. And then he just waited.

"The Lady Editha of Archenland," one of the lords announced and Editha come up to the stairs of the thrones. No one dared to go further than the stairs, though.  
"How do you do, milady," Caspian smiled and she turned away after smiling herself.

"The Lady Liliandil of Ramandu's Island," the lords announced and he looked at her, the blue star. She had hair of fine sunshine's color and her body was covered in blue air. Caspian smiled at the sight of his friend.  
"I did not imagine you answering to their call for this, Lady Liliandil," he grinned.  
"They made me," she said and she smiled. "I know you hate this," Liliandil said again in a tone only he can hear.  
"Don't worry about me," he answered. "But I am glad to see a friend in the midst of beings here," he said.  
"Always will be your friend, My Lord," she said and she turned around. Caspian watched her as she made her way through the crowd.

"Is she the one?" Cornelius asked his pupil, although he already knew the answer.  
"She is a friend and always will stay behind that," he answered, laughing at the idea of him marrying Liliandil. Yes, he laughed. He met Liliandil on his trip to the Lone Islands. Although she is beautiful, she can never be his bride. He doesn't love her like that although he did love her.

They went on for quite some time, and Caspian sat through every single one of them, saying his polite greetings but never more. The majority of the room he had already met, and then there were three.

"The Lady Alara of Calormen," and he watched as the woman stepped forward. Calormen and Narnia were at peace, nothing suspicious about this at all. What's suspicious was herself, not her nationality.  
"My king," she greeted him with batted eyelashes and smirked lips.  
"Lady Alara," Caspian greeted her.  
"I understand you are looking for a wife,"  
"That's what they tell you," he answered her, not interested in her attitude.  
"What is the use of looking, my King when you have already found her?" she said, gesturing to her whole body. The throne room quieted, and Liliandil was shocked. They all wondered how he was going to get out of her trap.  
"Until I find that exact woman, I will continue to search for her," he said, and Alara backed down although the smile she had on her face did not fade away.  
Women like these are the exact reasons why he doesn't enjoy these types of thing.

And then he looked at the two left. Alara's gang, he presumed. The two looked the same like the leader of their gang, if not more scantily clad. Caspian then stood up, not caring about anything else.  
The whole room waited for his words. They thought he was finally announcing his pick.

"I'm taking three days off," he said.

* * *

He packed his bags and the lords still wouldn't leave him alone.  
"But what of your duties, my King?"  
"Glenstorm and Trumpkin are here, I'm sure they will able to manage for three mere days,"  
"But Sire—"  
"I've had enough of you telling me what to do, Lords," he said. "I am king, and for once I'm telling you your king needs three days off. Who knows, maybe after the three days I will finally pick a bride!" he then slammed his door and the lords still protested eventhough they were outside his chamber. Caspian just ignored their yelling and resumed packing. At one point he wondered when is the yelling going to stop, but then it all stopped and stopped rather abruptly. He smiled at the silence.  
He continued to fold his clothes and put them in the bag he will be bringing for his journey.

"My liege," the voice sounded from outside his door.  
"Come in," he said, still packing.  
"You summoned for me, my King?" the centaur said, Trumpkin beside him.  
"I'm sure you've heard of my three days retreat plan," he said.  
"We've more than heard of it," Trumpkin said.  
"I'm sorry to leave my responsibilities with you two so suddenly," he said.

"That's not the problem we focus on, my king," Glenstorm then said. "Are you well?" he asked.  
"Of course, I just need some time alone, that's all," Caspian answered him.  
"Well than make the most out of your three days, your majesty," Trumpkin said.  
"We will make sure everything is right," Glenstorm then said.  
"Thank you," he said, and at that, the centaur left. Caspian was surprised at Glenstorm's approval of his doings. The centaur was usually so strict in these matters.  
"I'm actually surprised at his agreement to do this, Trumpkin," he said to the dwarf.  
"Yeah, well, maybe he saw something in the stars,"  
"Maybe," he chuckled.  
Trumpkin then was ready to leave before he decided to say something that's been itching him.  
"It wouldn't hurt you know," he said.  
"What?" Caspian asked back.

"To come back with a wife in mind," he laughed and Caspian threw a candlestick at him although the throw failed because he managed to flee in time.  
"Silly dwarf," Caspian laughed and resumed his packing. Meanwhile, outside his room, Trumpkin and Glenstorm walked through the corridors, happy at what's to come.

"And you're certain the stars were as you say?" Trumpkin said. "Will he finally find love?" he asked, and the centaur, although he seldom did so, smiled.  
"Positive, dwarf," he said, and Trumpkin smiled at the idea.

* * *

**Hey so how is everyone doing? Let me shed some light for you here, so Narnia and Telmarines are at peace although without the Pevensie's help. So the Pevensies never existed in Narnia yet. Miraz is dead. It is AU and fanfiction so I can have it my way right? :D  
So what do you guys think? Reviews are more than exciting! :)  
**

**I will try to update as soon as possible. Review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2: The Lady Who Was Dead.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing inside the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my OCs.  
**Author's note**: For some of you who read 'You Haven't Lost Me Yet', get ready to meet someone familiar.

* * *

He patted Destrier's back once he slowed down, the horse obviously tired. Just in time with his destination. Caspian had originally planned to go here for his retreat.  
"Good boy," he said as Destrier lowered his neck and fed off the grass. Caspian got off of his horse, and took off the reins tying the stallion's neck. The gentle breeze blew over the two of them, and at that, Caspian felt as free as Destier was without his reins. That's the thing about his horse. You free him of what's binding him to being a possession, yet still he will not flee his master. The same thing goes for Rorkan. Knightly behavior and loyalty applied to his pets also.  
Caspian then settled his things in the outskirts of the clearing and decided to look around while his loyal horse fed himself. He walked towards the center of the clearing, some of it still covered in big trees and little yellow flowers on the grass. The weather was nice, he recognized; the type which will not blow crazy winds and shines scorching sunlight. It was just right, and it's perfect. He prayed in his heart that tomorrow will not rain, though. He didn't bring any gear for that.

Caspian then looked at the sky, praying that it will not rain tonight. Looks like it won't, although he figured, it never hurts to do so.  
He did not realize his steps, and he continued his walk until he found a lagoon of some sort, water so clear and it looked so refreshing.  
Caspian smiled. "A place to bathe," he said to himself, and then he turned around, heading back to Destrier and the place he had chosen to reside for the three days ahead.  
He set up shelter and started on a fire, gathering up woods and unpacks for food. When nightfall came, he was all ready with the fire and hot food and his shelter was up. Only then; when all his unpacking was finished, did he managed to think.

Caspian sat in front of his shelter on a thick log, he wore his cape around him and held the cup of soup in his hands. Night time was surprisingly windy and it was cold. Good thing he started the fire, or else he would freeze there.  
Caspian drank his hot soup and stared at the fire, warmed by it. The gentle crackles of the fire reflected on the skin of his face, and he stared at them, wondering. Thinking.  
It's not that he doesn't want to find a queen, he really does. And it's not that he doesn't think of his people's needs. Without a queen, there'd be no heir to the throne. And it's also not that he is doing this on purpose, he just.. needs to make these kinds of decisions alone. He can't decide something like that just because of the people's needs, whatever type of king he is. Sometimes he thinks it's silly of him to think so much about this. And that's when he stops.

Caspian stopped thinking about anything. The whole purpose of this trip was to not think, to give his brain and heart a break from their everyday labor. He once again drank his soup and tore a piece from the loaf of bread he had with him.  
Sleep did not come hardly on him that night. It wasn't his bed in the castle or anything, but he was able to sleep peacefully and that's what made him sleep so easy. No burden for the next day, nothing to think of from the day he just went through, just utter peace.  
He could not remember the last time he was able to sleep so lightly, so burden-less. When he woke up, he glanced around him and it was nearly morning.  
The sun's not up yet, he noticed that. But it was not dark, either. Everything was just blue. He could see everything, hear everything, but not without blinking his eyes a couple of times. The sun was just going to rise, about to illuminate and shed light in everything Narnia has inside her. He didn't realize he was dozing off again.

* * *

"_Caspian…" the voice sounded so siren like, and he was following it. He was in the middle of the woods, high trees surrounding him, everything blue and not completely clear although not dark also. Sounds of leaves below his feet messily moving due to his quick steps. He did not know who the voice belongs to, but he just knew he had to follow her.  
"Caspian…" the voice said again, the tone playful and alluring, seductive. He continued to search for the voice which called out his name, and he was beginning to worry it was going to fade away.  
"I'm right here, Caspian…" the voice sounded again, and he was running now.  
He approached a clearing with the lagoon in it, and then suddenly was stopped by the blinding lights.  
_

* * *

He woke up, sweat all over his body despite the cool morning breeze. Caspian realized it was all a dream.  
His heart was racing, part of him so confused and part of him excited. Who was the lady calling out his name? He had no idea. But he wanted to find out.  
Caspian opened his eyes and looked around. The sun was shining timidly; the sky still a shy light blue, the sun not fully awakened yet. Everything surrounding him was still blue, very much like his dreams. The birds chirped, greeting their king with their morning songs and Caspian smiled at this, although he did not wake up. The sun's not fully up yet; they sky was ice blue with sudden streaks of orange. He then took deep breaths, and then he remembered.  
Today was his day off. He didn't have to wake up so early, he thought. And then Caspian closed his eyes, readying himself for an hour or two more of sleep.  
As he closed his eyes, he remembered his dream.  
Who is that woman? Why is she calling out his name?  
He was certain he never heard of that voice before; the alluring, seductive, playful voice of a woman calling out his name. Maybe it's just a dream, he thought, and he realized he was dozing off.

And then he felt the wind on his face, waking him up.  
The sky hasn't changed, but he knew that wind wasn't just some wind. The forest is trying to tell him something. And just like that, Caspian woke up from his sleeping spot and began following the wind.

It guided him, blowing slow enough to make him see the direction, but fast enough to blow leaves and other light things away. Caspian was..excited. Part of him was excited, and the other part of him confused. Danger did not come to mind at all although he had no backup whatsoever. He just kept walking, his steps rustling the leaves on the earth beneath him. He did not think about what he was doing at all; all he knew was that the forest had something to show him, and he was going to watch it.  
He had his sword with him at all times, of course; although he insisted on not having any guards come along, he wasn't stupid. He didn't have an heir yet so extra precautions couldn't hurt. He brought a torch with him also; the dark sky was almost blinding him, plus the fact that the trees were so high up that they were blocking the little sunlight that's come out. He had on his cape; the same one he wore when he was escaping Miraz's army. And he continued his steps, following the wind, guided by it.  
He suddenly stopped as he realized he came into a clearing, and the wind wasn't blowing anymore.  
And everything else stopped with it.

Suddenly all the playful chirps of the birds are gone. Not a sound.

The sun which was rising, seemed to halt and just stayed there; not making progress in shedding some light for the earth.

The rustles of leaves disappeared although Caspian still moved around.

He couldn't even hear himself breathe. He looked around, and he drew out his sword; aware of the sudden eerie quietness around him. Caspian took a few steps forward; looking around, looking out. And then something stopped his steps.

The lagoon was there, the very same one he saw yesterday.  
Everything was still quiet, and the sky just stayed deep blue, and it was cool.  
Suddenly a shiny insect flew past him, heading towards the lagoon. His head followed it, and then it all captured his attention.  
Caspian looked at the lagoon, and he saw her.

A woman.

She was bathing herself, the demure waters of the lagoon silently splashing.  
He found his attention captured and unable to look at another. She was so animated in her doings, so hypnotizing his attention, so herself.  
He did not see her completely; for only her back was faced to him. Her long, chocolate brown hair fell to her waist and dipped into the water, obviously longer than her bodice. Her creamy, pale flawless skin was wet; little trickles and droplets of water were visible on it.  
She then took a handful of water and splashed it all over her body; her arms, her back, her face. And suddenly Caspian realized what he was doing and abruptly turned around.  
He wasn't sure what she was, though. A mermaid, or a dryad or other forest creatures he was not familiar with. He then couldn't even think straight. And then he heard her climbing out of the lagoon, drying herself and then putting on her clothes which she had on a nearby rock.  
Caspian hid, he feared of scaring her off. He thought of going to her and introducing himself, but that would scare her; she would know he was looking the entire time!

Caspian then scolded himself for looking. That was less than gentlemanly behavior, and he knew he was better than that. But the whole thing just captured him; the scene of a woman bathing in the middle of the forest, alone.  
And then he can only watch as the woman walked away, all clothed and far from him.

* * *

"I must know her," he said to himself. It's silly really, to want to be close to a person he doesn't even know yet. But there's something about her, something that draws him in. She fascinated him, and he wasn't about to let her go.  
Maybe she was a dryad or a nymph, for she looked like an exotic creature of the forest rather than a daughter of eve.

But he saw her walk away. She _walked_ away, not floated, not flew, not disappeared into thin air, but she simply walked away. And at that, Caspian knew he was in serious trouble.  
He couldn't get her out of his head, and the next day he spent longing for the wee hours to go to the lagoon and see if she was there again. He would talk to her this time, he promised himself. He _had _to, or else he would lose his mind at the idea of it.

He bathed himself, and ate his breakfast, and then gathered some firewood and skipped lunch. He took Destrier for a ride, looking into the deeper parts of the forest; into what is part of his kingdom.  
He then stopped at a clearing and fed Destrier apples he had brought.  
"Sire!" a voice called, and at that, Caspian turned around.  
"Horryn," the king smiled at the sight of one of his dwarf friend. The dwarf then walked towards him, all smiles and delighted to see him. Horryn was one of the dwarf that did not desired a position in court, so he stayed in his house in the forest but remained a loyal spy if there ever was any danger. He was loyal to Caspian, and foremost a good dwarf.  
"Sire, if I may be so bold as to ask why you are here?" he asked him, obviously hasn't heard of Caspian's three days off escapade.  
"I needed to clear my head, good Horryn," he answered him.  
"Well I imagine your head would be better sleeping in my home rather than on wet leaves and dealing with cold winds of the night," he said. "They sometimes bother you on purpose, the wind," he said again.  
"I know," Caspian said under his breath as to how he knew what the wind was capable of.  
"But in order for my head to be clear, it needs to be alone, good dwarf," he answered.  
The dwarf only looked at him and examined him for a minute before finally grinning.  
"It's about the future missus, isn't it?" he grinned mischievously and Caspian laughed.  
"That's not all my head is about," he laughed.  
"Yet somehow, now, it is," the dwarf said. Caspian only masked his agreement in laughs, and he was almost sure that the dwarf did not buy his charade.  
"You cannot lie to me, Your Majesty," he said, and Caspian let out a nervous laugh.  
"I can help you with this, you know," he said, and Caspian laughed an even bigger laugh in his head. Horryn hasn't taken any female dwarf for a wife yet. How can he possibly help in this?

"Perhaps the majesty doesn't need help from _you_, good dwarf," a voice called from behind the dwarf.  
"But I think mine will be of useful assistance," the voice said, and as soon as Caspian saw who it is, he smiled.

"Willan," he said as the smile curved his lips, beaming at joy at the arrival of his childhood friend.  
Juan Willan was Caspian's best friend since childhood; he was the son of the royal ironsmith and therefore, familiar with weapons at an early age and has been Caspian's sparring partner since they knew how to use a sword. He was a high knight of Narnia, second to only Caspian and at the same rank of Glenstorm the centaur himself. Willan knew the best in Caspian, and the two remained best friends to this day still. Willan was a calm man, never panicked about anything. That was one of his qualities many knights need under pressures of war.  
"Sir Willan, what a pleasant surprise!" Horryn said as he smiled warmly to the knight.  
"I am glad you're here safely from your duties in Lantern Waste," the dwarf said again.  
"Thank you master Horryn and I am glad as well," he said.  
"Well the two of you will have lots of discussing to do, then, about the missus," Horryn said as he walked away. "Good day your majesty," he called out as he waved his hand.  
"Good day," Caspian said. He then turned his head at Willan and then they sneered.  
"Now what is he saying about the future missus?" Willan asked. "Did you finally pick one?" he laughed as his eyes grew brighter.  
"Don't think of me so cheap," Caspian answered as the two of them walked away, getting closer to their horses.  
"Oh Caspian I don't really see why you act like such a woman," he said, his tone clearly sounded bored at his friend's persistent belief on love, although like the man he is, calm. "She will be no more than an escape on hot nights and the oven to ready your bundles of joy," and by that, he means heirs. "Just pick a damn one," Willan said as he laughed, and Caspian just shook his head as he grinned at his friend's way of talking about women. It's not that he disrespects them; but he was quite the lady's man and he doesn't understand about commitment. The way he talks is his understanding of love.  
"She will be more than that, Willan," he said. "She will be my wife,"  
"Ah the nonsense talk about being your wife," Willan saw this coming and had his view ready to prove. "If it was me, I would go for the perfect woman in vision," he offered to name the qualities of such a woman, and Caspian rolled his eyes.  
"No—"  
"Number one," Willan cut off his rejection, clearly ignoring it. "A nice face," he paused.  
"Number two, ravish-able," he said and Caspian laughed at this.  
"Ravish-able?" he teased him.  
"Is the only quality I look for in a wife, for a woman that is not ravish-able is not worthy of my love,"  
"Because you only love to ravish, Willan," Caspian grinned.  
"And you should, too, it's a lot of fun," Willan said and Caspian scoffed.  
"Besides since when are you searching for a wife?" he asked him, already up on Destrier. Willan just looked at him, disbelieving.  
"It is you, your majesty, who we are searching a wife for," he said, climbing up his horse too. Caspian laughed at his reply.  
"How was your patrol?" he asked.  
"Everything was good, my king," Willan turned to the knightly side of him.  
"And where is your majesty headed for the night?" he asked him.  
"I am residing in the clearing just east, not far from here," he said.  
"Alone, your majesty?" Willan was shocked but hid it.  
"Yes," Caspian answered.  
"Then I am going with you and continue to make up your mind about the future queen," he decided. Caspian smiled; he knew that although Willan said that, he wanted to stay with him originally because he was worried that his king was alone in the forest without back-up whatsoever.  
"Staying with me you are welcome to, but I do not think making up the king's mind will be an easy job," Caspian said to his friend as they ready their reins.  
"A knight of Narnia never backs down from a challenge, your majesty, and I am one; a title you yourself had been gracious enough to bestow upon me," he said, bowing his head to his king. That was what made the two such great friends; Willan knew his limits between being his friend and his loyal servant.  
"Let's see about that, shall we?" Caspian answered and he shook the reins, giving Destrier a sign to begin moving.  
"Let's," Willan replied as his steed began running, too.

"There is one thing though," he called out his friend.  
"Yes?" Caspian answered.  
"How they let you camp out by yourself is beyond me. Did they not think about the risk of it? And with you not choosing one yet, no heir at the moment, how will they…."

* * *

Caspian sat atop the log in front of the fire he'd built, his cape was used to cover him and in his hands were a bowl of soup they warmed near the fire. Willan was walking around, arranging things for him to sleep on, and gathering some extra firewood just in case the fire dies out earlier than usual; it looks like rain will fall tonight, as it had begun to lightly drizzle minutes ago.  
Caspian stared at the fire, unknowing of whether to tell Willan of the woman he saw or not.  
He will go back there tonight, to the lagoon.  
He had to find out she was real. He had to. It would eat him alive to not know more about her; the mythical woman he saw bathing in the lagoon at dusk. Who was she? What was she?

"Is your majesty's food in need of a re-warm?" Willan asked, relaxed now that everything was arranged for him. Willan was his usual, calm self.  
"No, thank you," Caspian answered him.  
"Then why are you not eating, my king?" Willan said as he drank the hot, tasty soup; a miracle in weathers like these.  
"Something is bothering me, friend," Caspian then said. Willan lifted his eyes from the soup to his friend, all ears to listen. He knew Caspian was never one to share his troubles, so him admitting that he is in the midst of one had to be something.  
"About the missus?" Willan asked, calm as he is.  
Caspian looked down to the ground and didn't answer, for his friend already knew what it was.  
"Forgive me, my liege if my words back there offended you in any way," he started.  
"Not at all," Caspian replied his apology. He then considered inside himself whether or not to voice his next words, obviously choosing to do so.

"Am I a good king, Willan?" he asked his friend, and from his tone of pure mediocrity, Willan knew Caspian asked him this as a friend. Juan Willan paused and then eased to talk.  
"Do I really need to answer this question?" Willan teased him, and Caspian laughed, knowing Willan's answer was yes.  
"It seems that none of what I did to bring this nation together is enough if I don't find a wife to hold my own," he said. "I must sound like a cow right now with all this complaining," Caspian laughed.  
"You know better than to feel that way, majesty," Willan said to him.  
"I don't understand. Finding love shouldn't be this hard," Caspian laughed in frustration.  
"Perhaps it is not the process of finding it that's hard, majesty," Willan said. "But where you look to find it," he continued, and Caspian looked at him.  
"Are you really Willan, my friend?" and the two men laughed heartily.  
"I can be wise when I want to, king," Willan said.

The rest of the night they spent in laughter as they did when they were children. Willan always had his back since their childhood, especially in the teenage years when they began to understand what Miraz wants. They had been rebellious to the actions of Miraz towards his nephew, and that often resulted in both boys being lashed and beaten up. The royal iron smith many more than once scolded his son of his actions of rebellion towards the ruler, but there are no stopping what teenagers do, is there? And so Caspian grew out to be the prince he was expected of; the gentleman, athletic and smart man people liked, with great charm and humorous wit. He was not a man of easy temper, but people know better than to aggravate him for there's no escaping the king's wrath once it was awaken. Willan however, turned out to be the perfect opposite of the king; a man of easier temper and a gentleman of disguise, meaning he was charming and polite when he needed to be, such as in celebrations and balls where he would bear the title of high knight of Narnia. In reality though, he was not as perfect a gentleman he's showed he can be. Some would be horrified at his doings outside the court, but when they do recognize it's him, they could do nothing because he did nothing but an excellent job in terms of guarding Narnia of her peace. To describe him in one word; Juan Willan was irresponsible. But only outside the court, as he is a perfectly responsible man to his job as Caspian's servant whatever they may be; including being courteous to the guests and fighting to his death for the safety of Narnia.

Although Willan did not seem like a perfect gentleman all the time, Caspian stayed friends with him because he knew his place. Willan knew when to be his friend, and when to be his loyal knight, serving his king in servitude.

Caspian could not sleep that night, and he just lay still on the grass, waiting for the time he would wake and go to the lagoon. Willan was asleep, Caspian could tell. The king lay unmoving there, and just stared at the flickering fire. At the emptiness of everything, she once again entered his mind.

At this point, Caspian wasn't even sure _why_ she was on his mind so often. He did not know anything about her, but he wanted to. She was a mystery.

That's it.

She was a mystery, and that was what attracted her to him so.  
Whether or not she turns out to be the woman worthy of his love, Caspian did not know. That matter was up for the great lion to control. All he knows is that right now, he _had_ to see her, no matter what.

* * *

"_Caspian…" she called out his name; the same voice, the same, alluring voice which drove him crazy.  
"Caspian…" and he was searching for her, desperately searching, sounds of panicked rustles of leaves below his feet, sound and sign of his desperate search for her, whoever she is.  
"I'm right here, Caspian," her voice sounded so clear in his mind, although he was not able to speak a word at all. He could feel the sweat on his forehead, and he just felt lost.  
And then the warm arms hugged his waist, and he stopped walking.  
Everything stopped, and he felt himself smile as the blue sky turned light and sunlight poured on his face.  
_

_"I found you," he said, closing his eyes._  
_"You found me," she said to him, the smile unbearably heard through her words._

* * *

He awoke, sweating and cold. It was all but a dream, again.  
Caspian sat up and looked around him; Willan was still asleep, and he was alone.  
He brought his palm to his forehead and it felt wet.  
A drizzle was now pouring on them, and he was not completely soaked, thanks to the leaves above them.  
Caspian was dreaming about her now. What are they telling him? What are they meaning to tell him?  
He then once again looked around, and remembered.  
Caspian got up, put on his cloak which he used as a cover in his sleep earlier, and began walking.

His walk towards the lagoon felt long and never fast enough. He was careful about making any sounds, though; he did not want to scare her away. When he got to the clearing, he stayed back and watched.

She was there again, the lady. Her bare back was exposed to his vision, and Caspian felt himself blush. She washed her hair, drops of water from the light rain making ripples around her.  
She doesn't appear ghost-like, and Caspian did what he promised he would do. He walked closer, hiding behind rocks or bushes, but he was making progress in nearing her. His eyes did not leave her.  
Caspian then stopped moving as he saw what she did.  
Like the night before, she splashed the water over her body; her arms, her face, her shoulders, the water glowing like flexible diamonds and blending on her skin.  
When he got close enough, he realized she was trembling, shivering.  
How stupid of him to not realize this. She was bathing in cold water in the middle of the forest; clearly exposed to the rain and the sudden low temperature.  
'I am stupid,' he thought to himself. He was a king! Surely he knew better than to just stand there while he sees a lady shivering in the middle of the rain?  
He then hid in his place for a moment before walking up to her as he saw her getting out of the lagoon.  
Caspian turned his vision to the ground beneath him; feeling it was not his place. He heard rustles and when he was certain that she had finished, Caspian looked up.

She was fully clothed now, her dress clearly stating she was a woman of rank.  
She stood there; perhaps readying herself to leave, and Caspian set out to talk to her; to know her.  
Suddenly she collapsed from her ground and dropped to the forest floors. He couldn't believe his eyes at the sudden thing, but he saw as her body shakily tried to walk, to take a step forward, and just dropping. He saw how her knees just weren't strong enough. And she fell.  
Caspian ran as fast as he can and when he got to her, he held her in his arms and looked at her face.  
She was colder than death, and that shook him. He took off his cloak and wrapped it around her; the (what looked like) blood less body of the woman he didn't know yet. Her face dropped to her side, her eyes completely closed.  
Caspian then lifted her and carried her in his arms to his campsite; thankfully not far from the lagoon.

When he got there Willan was awake and he was into knight-mode instantly; not asking questions and just doing what he was told.  
Willan then set off for the castle to inform them of the news that their king was occupied and found a near dead lady to tend to. He may need more than just a day to tend to her, which was what he promised at the beginning. But he doesn't care anymore.

The fire roared in front of them as the woman rested, in her unconscious state, in Caspian's arms.  
He had doubled her clothes to keep her warm with his spare shirt; seeing that her clothes are dry so she needn't be changed out of it. Her hair was beginning to dry now, and her skin got warmer. Caspian thanked Aslan for this. She lay there, in his arms, as he studied her features.  
Pale skin with freckles on them, the full, luscious lips which was parted slightly, the long lashes of her eyes which were clearly visible although she was pale, and the jawbone which was firm and cold.  
He traced is finger through the structure of her eyes, her nose, her slightly square jaw line, and his fingers stopped at her lips.  
It was dead cold, now, but once they're warm, he believed those lips could make dead of any man she'd ever meet.

Caspian then looked at the fire while he tried not to stare at her.  
It was hard.

* * *

"_Father," Caspian asked his father when he was young. A 7 year-old Caspian stood, hand-in-hand with his father who was king.  
"My son?" the tall man beside him answered his call.  
"What makes a great king?" the little boy asked innocently, and the father thought to himself.  
"He must be good to his people," he continued. "And forgiving of others' mistakes, yet knowing enough to know of unhealthy opportunists," he smiled.  
"Forgiving?" the boy asked.  
"Yes, my son, for every man's fault there is fault in others. By remembering that you yourself are not clean of sin, you will forgive. That way, your life will be happy,"  
"Happy?" Caspian thought to himself. "Will I be happy, father?" he asked the king, looking up.  
"Everyone will be as long as they let themselves be," the king replied, and tugged his son's hand to continue their paused walk. _

* * *

Caspian awoke to the movement he felt in his arms.  
He slowly opened his eyes, blinking them once or twice to accommodate his vision to the light.  
She was still in his arms, tucked in close to him, warm now.  
And he thanked Aslan for it.

The woman was still asleep, but making little movements as to adjust her position.  
It was not easy sleeping on someone else, and Caspian smiled cheekily at the idea.

And then the lady opened her eyes, too, and she just sat there for a minute.

"Good morning," Caspian greeted her, and she looked at him, confused.  
Suddenly she pulled away from him, although standing up did not work out well for her.  
She crawled furiously away from him, confusing the king and humoring him also.  
"Who are you?" she asked, timid, but demanding an answer.

"Caspian, king of Narnia," he said, and he stood up closer to her so that he was in front of her now, offering her his hand.

"And you are?"

* * *

**Okay I'm back and excited! First of all thanks for those who have been reviewing! Your reviews are very much appreciated. I'm planning to set this story before 'You Haven't Lost Me Yet' happened, but I haven't decided yet. And as you can see Willan's here as the ever-best friend. What do you guys think?  
And get ready for the rating to be changed into 'M' folks. And I don't write about heavy sex, so don't say you've not been warned. ****  
**

**Reviews please! :)  
**


	4. Found, Although Never Lost

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. **  
**Author's Note: Thanks for all of you who has been reviewing! The mystery lady is now revealed! Happy reading :)**

* * *

"You are King Caspian?" she said, the words slowly came out from her mouth and sounded uncertain.  
"I am," he said, a bit restless to see the scared look on her face. She did not say anything for a moment, and he just stared at her, looking for her reaction.  
"What am I doing with a king, my Lord?" she asked him, and he smiled at her humility, although when he saw her expression, his smile faded.  
She was scared.  
Scared of him? Could it be?

"You fainted, my lady," he answered her, and he was about to explain more when she shrugged.  
"What's wrong?" he said, aware of the fact that there may be bruises on her.  
"Does it hurt?" he leaned in to check her arms, but she just shrugged, furthering herself away from him.  
"I'm hardly as noble as you say, my king," she answered him, her expression dead.  
Caspian just stared at her, confused as to why she is paying attention to that sort of detail. She fainted yesterday; most people would want to eat or rest by now. And then Caspian saw the look on her face;  
Disgust.

"Surely a lady of your beauty deserves nothing less of a title," he started. She lifted her face from the ground and looked at him.  
"I thank you for your majesty's kind comment, but I should be going," she then started to stand, and that did not end too well. She still wobbled a bit, and luckily Caspian was there to hold her.  
"I don't think my lady is capable to go anywhere at this point," he said. The woman agreed silently by sitting back to the spot she sat earlier.  
"Now," Caspian said. "Something to eat?" he offered her bread and apples. She did nothing but stares at them and looked back at the king.

"I'd rather you tell me what happened, your majesty," she said to him.  
"Alright I will," he said, "if you eat a whole slice of bread first," he said.  
She looked at him, half disbelieving of his actions. He was so _kind_ to her, and something tells him that kindness was not something she was used to. Her stare then broke and she finally eased, taking the bread from his hand. She then started to nibble on the food; thankful that finally something entered her digestive system so that she'd actually have something to digest.  
Caspian watched her intently as she took bites off the bread and apples.  
"Thank you, your majesty for your generosity," she continued, "Now, as promised," she said, and Caspian quickly picked up her hint.

He then racked up his brain to search for an excuse for him to not tell her that he had seen her bathing. He wouldn't tell her that now, would he?  
"You were on the ground when I went to the lagoon," he finally said, not at all lying, just leaving a part untold. She just listened without making any comment whatsoever.  
"I do not mean to pry, my lady, but I was wondering why you were out in the rain alone?" he asked her, and by then, she had finished the apples.  
"I just needed some air," she answered him, looking at him now. He saw light in her eyes, and her face started to light up. The pale skin was now creamy, exactly how Caspian had predicted it to be.  
And then he noticed all the unnoticed. The dark half-round beneath her eyes and that her body was indeed, bruised. Bruises were seen, but not ones that would be caused by only falling to the ground.  
Caspian ached to see her that way; and in his heart, he promised to tend to her until she gets better.  
The day went by as he gathered some firewood and made efforts to pick some fruits for her to eat.

"I thank you, your majesty, for saving me," she said to him hours later, still not smiling. Caspian looked at her, and he smiled at her, trying to warm her.  
"No need to thank me," he said. "Just get some rest and when my lady is well enough, we can start our way to your residence," he said.  
"My lord is kind to me, but best leave me here, your majesty," she said to him.  
"Here?" Caspian asked her, confused. "Do you have a husband that will come get you?"  
"I do not have a place to reside in, at the moment, my king," she answered him, not expecting anything in return, just making him clear of her condition.  
"So I'm sure it will please your majesty to leave me be rather than look for a place I can stay," she said, and the way she said it shocked him. She did not look at him the whole time she said this; and it was clear that her mind was occupied in something else.

"Do you take me for being such a man?"

And she turned her head to face him.  
"Pardon me, my king," she said, realizing her words may have offended the king, although it did not.  
If anything, Caspian felt everything else but.

"It's settled then," he stated.  
"My lord?" she asked, confused as to what he was talking about.  
"My lady just rest and when you are well enough, we will begin our journey back to the castle," he said.  
"Oh, my lord, I'd really rather you leave me here," she said, almost begging. "Do not trouble yourself with the like of me," she said.  
"I cannot leave the woman I found almost dead alone," he said. "I found you, and I shall take care of you," he said. The woman just stared at him, and for the first time since he saw her, he saw her lips twitch. She then looked at the ground.

"You found me,"

And Caspian silenced. Her voice. It was hard to identify it at first, but with her saying the line he had heard the night before, Caspian was sure.  
Just like in his dream.

"I didn't quite catch your name, my lady," he said as he began to move closer to her.  
"Susan Pevensie, my lord,"

* * *

Her name was Susan, he had learned that from her, and she doesn't remember much of her family, just that she's been in Narnia her whole life. She had no place to stay as her previous house was burnt in a fire. She had no relatives, and Caspian did not fish much out of her. She would be a permanent resident of the castle; that was sure. He was the one who found her; and that makes her his responsibility. He imagined there would be quite a few rumors at court but doesn't care about what they all are going to say.  
Caspian then thought to himself.  
She does interested him. Something about her that leaves him wanting more. He then looked at her from the corner of his eye, she was resting on the thick log, so demure and so calm. She stared at the fire crackling in front of them; unaware of him looking at her.  
There was something about her look.  
She looked at the fire, although Caspian knew her mind was on something else very far away.  
"Is my lady in need of some more fruit to nibble on?" he asked her, careful not to aggravate her silent thinking. She awoke from her thoughts; although she did not smile as she looked at him.  
"I really wish your majesty would stop addressing me so nobly," she said, out of the context of his question.  
"I am hardly worth of it," she said again quietly, and Caspian did not know what to say after that.  
"A title is not only for those of noble birth, my lady," he said to her.  
"I am far from noble birth, my lord," she began. "And I apologize for troubling my king so," her face stayed cool. She was not sorry for herself, just… dead.

There was something so fragile in her, yet so strong. He doesn't understand her; at least not yet, but he wants to.  
As the night went darker, the forest grew silent. And there was nothing left to hear other than the soft crackles of the fire burning in front of them, warming and radiating through the site. The moon shone brightly in the sky; and once in a while would be overshadowed by the cloud which would pass it, time to time.  
Caspian lay awake, widely so.  
He was restless, he found. He couldn't stop thinking to himself about what was going on. He did not doubt his decision for a second; he would take Susan to the castle and take care of her there.

He would try to sleep, and close his eyes but then opened his eyes again because he knew it wasn't going to succeed.

Caspian then looked at his side, and there, about a meter away from him was her.  
Susan Pevensie lay asleep, peaceful and sound.  
He stared at her; how she fascinates him so. He himself doesn't understand why; there was something about her which he cannot describe. He just knew he had to be with her.  
He then closed his eyes, and when he opened them, she was sitting beside him.

"Trouble sleeping, your majesty?" and Caspian replied with a smile. She looked at the fire, and then to him.  
"When I was little, when I used to have trouble sleeping like you," she said to him, and she leaned in.  
"All would be taken care of," she paused, "with a kiss,"  
And then her lips delved into his. Caspian returned the kiss, their lips burning with each other. He held his body up with his elbows, cupping her jaw line, and his tongue asked for more. Her fingers delved into his hair, pulling him closer.

And then he woke up.  
Caspian was sweaty, and he did not know what to feel.  
These dreams are really getting into his mind, and he smiled nervously.  
It was all just a dream.  
He didn't know whether to be disappointed with the fact or feeling anything else, but his heart was racing and his face was hot.  
He looked to his side, and there, a meter away from him, laid Susan Pevensie, peacefully asleep.

* * *

He patted Destrier's back and fed him the last apple he had, and he turned his head at the sight of her.  
"My lady is well, I see," he smiled at her.  
"And all because of your majesty's doings," she said to him. She approached him, and seeing her effort to walk, Caspian walked to her to help her move.  
"I am glad you're getting better," he said to her as they stood before Destrier.  
"I am, your majesty," she answered. "I just don't know how I will get up on the horse," she said timidly. Caspian looked at Destrier and then he grinned at her.  
"I know how to do that," he said to her, and there was a pause between them.  
"No! Your majesty I really—" and her rejection was cut off when Caspian hoisted her waist up and settled her on the horse. After doing so, Caspian himself got up behind her. Susan blushed and did not dare to look at him for a moment.  
And then they started moving, Destrier getting into a slow gallop.  
Susan was in front of him, and he doesn't know what her expression was since he can't see them.  
After a few minutes of riding she finally begin talking.

"Will the lords be fine with the idea of me coming?" she asked him.  
"It's my home; you are my guest," Caspian answered her.  
"I'd really rather you leave me here," she then said again.  
"We've been over this, lady Susan," he started. "I cannot leave you alone," said he, his tone almost commanding.  
"I do not wish to trouble you with my being," she said.  
"Good thing it is not up for debate, then," he grinned at her and she turned her head to look at him.  
"Now my lady just rest and we will arrive in no time,"  
She felt herself smile; a thing she hasn't felt in a long time. She then enjoyed the view as Destrier galloped, Caspian wanted to arrive fast to the castle while keeping her from being queasy.  
She then suddenly was aware of herself. Behind her body now, merely inches away, sat the king of Narnia.  
She had heard of his good ruling, and how her female neighbors had talked of him, practically swooning over him. Susan blushed at this. It's not that she was attracted to him, and she was not going to act upon anything, it's just that it moved her to see that their king is in fact, a good man.  
And then she grew nervous, too. She scolded herself inside, telling herself of how ridiculous her feelings were. There's no need to be nervous as he couldn't have been interested at all with her.  
All these thinking were putting her brain through too much work; the night before, she had passed out because of lack of food and warmth. And she hasn't been properly exposed to warmth, either; sleeping on cold forest floors and eating apples and bread the king was so generous to give to her. She then adverted her thoughts and continued to look at the scenery.  
She then had her eyes on a few Narnian animals that grinned and cheekily laughed at the sight of her and their king.

"The king is with a woman," she thought she heard one of the dryads say, and for a moment, she was nervous. But then she realized the dryads were actually waving at her, smiling and laughing, happy at the sight of their king.  
"Don't think about them too much," he said as he grinned at her. "They're just happy to see me with a lady," he said.  
"Are you surrounded with so few a woman that they would be happy to see you with one, my lord?" she asked him, and Caspian laughed.  
"You know, I never think about that sort of stuff," he answered her.  
And then a few minutes later, she fell asleep.  
She fell asleep on his chest, his arms holding the reins; protecting her.

When they arrive at the palace, Susan woke up.  
Destrier was about to enter the square, and many of the lords were waiting for him, even Willan. Susan looked at the welcoming company and wasn't sure of this, once again.

"Sire, I'd really rather you leave me in the forest," she said to him, maintaining her calm composure.  
"You're not getting cold feet now, are you my lady?" he grinned and Susan stayed quiet, her expression dead.  
The horse came to a halt and Caspian leap off the horse.  
He then turned back and helped Susan get off as well, and when the two were down on the ground, he turned to her.  
"Try to smile," he said as he turned around and no doubt, the lords were all ready to question him.  
They hid their confusion with forced smiles; all too painful to be considered genuine.  
"My king, I am glad you are here safely," said one of them, and Caspian smiled. And then he walked towards the castle building with Susan at his side.

* * *

"Have you bedded her yet, my king?" the lord asked and Caspian raised his eyebrow at his forwardness. The parliament and him has been going at this for more than an hour now, and it was beginning to wear him down.  
"Your majesty, I do not mean to pry, but as your advisor I need to know what you have done so we can decide what to do next," he said, and in the bottom of his heart, Caspian knew he was right. He then looked at the board of lords; friends, and even relatives of his father. They all loved him; Caspian knew that. But sometimes they can be a bit nosy and untiring as to question his decisions. He loved them also, but not when they don't trust him.  
"I have not, Lord Lyrn," he said. "Nor will I ever, unless I marry her," he announced.  
"And will your majesty do that exact thing?" another one, his second uncle, Gyrron asked him.  
At that, the board silenced, and Caspian did too.  
He knew that was the question everyone had on their minds. Will he marry her? Even he himself doesn't know the answer to that.

"My Lord Gyrron I have only brought her here merely a few hours ago. For the time being I do not know whether or not what will happen, for that is in Aslan's hand, the lion, to control," he began.  
The lords looked at each other.  
"Sire, we are more than supportive of your decision to look out for her and tend for her," Gyrron started.  
"But what will the ladies of other courts think if they know you are keeping a woman in the castle, given her the room next to yours? Will they not wither away?" he finished.  
"Yes, my king," a dwarf raised his opinion on the matter.  
"That is our only concern," the dwarf stated again, and Caspian thought to himself.  
They do have a point. And at times like these, Caspian was thankful to Aslan for having given him a blessed and peaceful board of advisors. He then searched his brain to find a solution, and when he found it, Caspian smiled.  
"Let us hold a celebration," he stated.  
"A celebration, my liege?" one of the lords asked.  
"Yes, a celebration," Caspian began, "to give me a chance to talk to them," he said.  
"Will that help, your majesty?"  
"It will, I believe," he said. "I will dance and chat with them and socialize, to clear any misinterpretation of things," he said.  
"My lords, even I am confused as of what my feelings are towards anything, but do not worry, for we have not passed the point of no return," the king said.  
"Right now I have not made any promises to anyone about whom I will wed, but with the holding of the celebration, it will only free them of their confusion and allow them to continue to try," he said. "If I do fall in love with any one of them so be it, but if I fall for Lady Susan Pevensie, then they will know that she started in the same place as any of them," he said.

The board silenced and then eventually agreed on the king's proposition. It was a brilliant idea. He would chat and mingle and socialize, and they would know that he is still 'on the market'. What the celebration will do is just letting the women know of his still free being. Whoever he falls in love with is for him to deal with.

"When can it be held?" he asked the men in front of him.  
"Tomorrow night, my Lord. We will start to work right away," one of the lords answered, and the rest of them smiled. It actually relieved them that their king would actually start to be open to the idea of taking a wife.  
"Gentlemen, I thank you," he said as he smiled and left the throne room.

* * *

"Now dearest, this will be your room for the duration of your stay," the old woman said to her, unlocking the wooden double doors. As it opened, Susan saw the grandeur of the palace, and she was in silent awe. She never got a treatment like this; treatment fit for a queen. The room had a fire place and a large four-poster bed, and on it; an arrangement of fluffy pillows and cozy blankets. It had a book shelf to the fireplace's side, and beside her bed was six sets of tall widows, each covered with light, see through curtains. The red velvet curtains were tied on the side, but the lady then untied them as the sun was about to go down. She straightened out any folds and when the curtain was nicely arranged, she came back to Susan's side.  
"Now, my lady you look tired! The king tells me you passed out because of unendurable coldness," the lady said.  
"His majesty has been gracious enough to save me, ma'am,"  
"The name's Giany, my lady," the woman smiled heartily at her, the smile touching her eyes. "And yes I know he would do such a thing. The king is a good man, after all," she laughed.  
"But I can't help but feel like I am troubling him," Susan answered.  
"Troubling him, milady? Oh, of course not!" Giany then said. "He wouldn't ever be troubled, not by you," she said as she arranged some things for Susan to get settled in.  
"Not by me?" Susan asked, joining her in looking around the room.  
"Well you're a very pretty woman, milady," she said. "And the king's a good enough gentleman to not pursue anything out of the ordinary," she continued, "Now, there is the wardrobe and the king has took the initiative to have the seamstresses sew some dresses to your size, I believe, and here..," she walked to the door on the bed's left, "is the bath. Now I will leave you, milady, but if ever you need anything just ring a bell," she said, readying herself to leave.  
"Oh, Giany?" Susan called her, and the plump lady turned around. "You seem to know so much about the king," Susan said.  
"Well I was his governess until he was a young teenager of thirteen, milady," she said. "That boy is like a child to me," she said again. Susan smiled at that, and then Giany leaned in to assure her.  
"Don't worry, Lady Susan," she said. "He will not do anything stupid, that I can assure you," and by stupid, she meant anything he'd do to her.  
"Thank you," Susan said and the plump lady walked away. Giany was Caspian's governess since the age of twelve, yes, and now she is Caspian's most trusted woman in the household division, although because of her wide knowledge of plants and root, she has been serving the Telmarine royals as their medicine woman since eight years ago.  
Susan then opened the bathroom door and smiled at what she saw.  
The marble tub was filled with warm water, scented with jasmine; her favorite. She then took off her clothes and when she was in the warm water, she couldn't find it in herself to get out.  
She didn't realize how cold her skin was until the warm water touched it. She cleaned her body with soap, her face, her arms and legs until she herself was wafting the fragrance of jasmine. She washed her hair, and when the water started to get cold, only then did she decided to get out.

She dried her skin with the towel provided, and then she went out of her bath.  
On her vanity was the clothes she would be wearing, she figured; all neat and hung.  
Susan stared at the clothing made for her; majestic red with embroideries of golden tiny flowers and cream undergarments. She let her hair fall to its natural length just under her waist. The sleeves were down to her palms and created a 'v' shape on the back of her hands. The fabric was so nice on her skin, but she did not think about her clothes anymore at the sudden knock of her door.  
"Lady Susan?" his voice was heard through the wooden door, and Susan hurried to open it.  
"Your majesty," she lowered her body when she saw who it was.  
Caspian silenced at the sight of her.  
"I was just wondering if you are hungry as to dine with me tonight," he said to her after bowing. Susan paused for a moment before saying her next words.  
"Dine.. with you My Lord?" she asked him, uncertain if she heard him right.  
"Yes," he smiled. "But only if you are well enough, My Lady," he then again said.  
Susan looked at him, the honesty in him and the smile on his lips.

Oh, those lips.

"_I can't say no to the man who has saved my life, can I?"_ Susan thought as she scolded herself on what she thought about three seconds ago.  
She then took the hand Caspian offered her and began her walk with him.  
His skin was so warm against hers; the unmistakable scent of him was swooning her.  
He then took her to the balcony of the castle; his balcony.  
It was not inside his room; rather, it was beside his room. It was not a balcony of public use; it was the king's balcony.  
When they got outside, Susan stared at the sky above them; the stars coming out and shining brightly upon the two of them. The moon was there; full and giving away its beautiful light to the dinner. Torches were lit for lighting, and thankfully it was not so windy that night.  
He pulled up a chair for her.  
"Thank you, my king," she answered him.  
Caspian sat in front of her on the chair behind the small table for two.

"How do you find your room, my lady?" he asked.  
"Your majesty is too kind to me," she answered deadly, "Although I haven't done anything to deserve this," she said again.  
"You posses far great more humility than you should, Lady Susan," he said.  
"One can never have too much humility, my lord," she said, looking down at her hands and Caspian turned his head to her.  
"And where does confidence stand in such a being?" Caspian asked her, intrigued.  
Susan lifted her  
"Nowhere," she started. "But a man will do fine without confidence rather than without humility,"  
"How so?"  
"A man overconfident I always find is annoying on purpose," she said. "And a man over humiliated I find stupid," she said and Caspian laughed.  
"I thought you said over humiliated is better than overconfident," he said to her.  
"Indeed my lord, for I think being stupid is better than annoying me," she answered him. Susan picked up her glass of wine, and touched her mouth to the brim.  
"You seem to know your way around a man's behavior," he said to her, "I wonder how that is," and Susan stopped. She looked at him, pausing the glass merely millimeters away from her lips.  
"I will not speak if not from experience, my lord," and Caspian stared at her as she drank her wine.  
She was really something. And that only made him knew he just had to be with her.

* * *

**So what did you guys think? Be ready for chapter 4 though! Some progress finally will take place on the both of them. Reviews please :)**


	5. The Conversation That Changed Things

Chapter 4: The Overheard Conversation That Changed Things.

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. Just this plot and my OCs.  
Author's Note: Thanks to those who have reviewed! RnR please :)**

* * *

"_Who does she think she is getting all close to the king like that?"  
"Too close, in my opinion,"  
"I think she is nothing more than a gold digger looking for his riches,"  
"Yes, no doubt,"  
"And she should know her place than to distract a king who is looking for a wife,"  
"You're so much better than her, Alara,"  
"Stupid girl do you think I need you to tell me?"_

* * *

She woke up from her sleep, realizing how tired she is. Susan Pevensie blinked once, twice to accommodate her vision to the newly seen lights. And then she stared at the ceiling.  
She remembered the conversation she overheard last night, the three Calormene talking. About her.  
She was in the castle of Narnia. How did she get here? The king's generosity.  
The king.  
She remembered him.

She would start avoiding him now, though. Today.  
If he is in search of a wife, Susan then can't be seen too close to him. She wouldn't want to stand in the way—so from now on she promised herself that she would just be invisible.  
She then rose from her bed and picked out her clothing for today. A yellow dress with details of orange and red on the sleeves.  
Susan then walked towards the bath and began the day by cleaning herself.  
After the bath she felt so clean and that was good. She dried herself, put on her dress and combed her hair. It was beginning to grow out, her hair, and sometime soon she would have to cut it. She sat in front of the vanity, silently taking in all the grandeur of the palace. She doesn't care much for it, just somewhat confused yet thankful of the king's kindness. Is he always like this? she thought to herself.  
And without really thinking about her appearance, Susan walked out of her room.

"My lady!" Giany's voice appeared, all smiles to see her walking.  
"Good morning, Giany," Susan replied. The woman was always happy.  
"Where are you off to?" the plump woman asked her, it's not yet noon and she looked like her hands are full.  
"A stroll, I guess," Susan said.  
"But the king has asked for me to check upon you, he's inviting you for breakfast with him," the woman said.  
"He's inviting me?" Susan asked, and this was not going according to her 'avoid him' plan.  
"Yes, in fact he's waiting for you right now in his balcony," the woman continued to say.  
"What do you want me to say to him?" Giany then asked. Susan thought to herself.  
"Tell his majesty that I'm not feeling very well," she then said as she walked back to her room and Giany was left alone.  
"Giany," Susan called out before closing the door. The woman looked at her, waiting for her question.  
"Is the king really looking for a wife?" she asked. Giany's expression then eased and grinned.  
"You didn't know?" she asked, and Susan only shook her head.  
"He is, dearest," and all the answer did was only confirming her more of her plan to avoid the king of Narnia in his own castle.

* * *

Not long after, her breakfast was brought in for her into her room. She ate the mixed fruits silently, alone. There was bread available, and tea, but she was full by the time she nibbled on a slice of bread. Breakfast was short, and then Susan settled in to reading. She picked up a book from the shelf she had in her room and settled herself on the comfortable arm chair in front of the fireplace. Just as she was reading the first page, a knock was heard on her door, and she walked to it to see who it was.

"Good morning, my lady," it was Willan.  
"Morning, sir," she said. She had never seen the man who stood before her now; his hair blonde and well groomed, although messily arranged. His skin pale and he had on the clothing of an army.  
"A letter from the king," he said as he handed her the letter. Susan expected him to go after handing her what he had to, but when he just stood there, she understood that the letter was to be read at that moment.

_My Lady Susan,  
I'm sorry for I will not be able to accompany you today, although we will meet at the celebration tonight.  
In front of you is my friend, Juan Willan, knight of Narnia. I asked for his help to take you on a tour around the castle today, that is if you are well enough. _

_My apologies for not being present,  
Caspian_

Susan folded the letter and looked at the man in front of him.  
"How about it, my lady?" Willan asked her, and Susan smiled at him.  
"Thank you, knight for your kindness," she answered him, and then he offered her his hand. Susan took it as she closed the door behind her and they continued walking.  
"I suppose we will start from the east wing," he said to her as they walked through the corridors.  
"Wherever is fine," she answered him.

And then they started at the east wing, Willan talking her to the libraries throughout the castle and into some rooms where he knew Caspian would let someone in. Occasionally she would make comments but most of the time just silently looked around the room.

"And this is the family room," he said, and allowing her to walk in to the room he had known. Sets and sets of tall windows, the large fireplace and the decoration of the room was enough to quench a young lady's thirst for grandeur, but Susan just stood with him on the doorsteps. He looked around the room, nostalgic of the numerous times Miraz had sat inside it and emptying himself of his fury towards his nephew. Caspian never did anything right in his eyes, and Willan knew that. He then realized the fact that Susan was not making any comments.

He looked at her, and her expression was dead. Like how she is most of the time.  
"Where is his majesty's family?" she asked him, still silently scanning the room.  
"Doesn't have any," Willan replied her.  
He doesn't realize this but Susan looked at the ground. He was alone.

"Let's go," Willan then said, and the both of them turned around.  
They continued their walk and chatted for some time about the origins of the Telmarines and the castle. She showed some interest but not enough to be talking about it all day.  
They walked at a relatively slow pace; the day was not more than ten o'clock; no need to hurry. Then they passed the great hall which was bustling with workers to get the decorations done for tonight. Dwarfs were on wooden stairs to hang out ornaments and the hall already looked magnificent.

"This is the hall, many celebrations have been held here, including one tonight," Willan said to her.  
"I'm sure it will be glorious tonight," she said, her expression once again, dead.  
"It will," he said as they walked from the hall.

Susan was feeling light-headed as they approached another corridor.  
This one was somehow different. She doesn't know what's about it that makes it different, but it was just it.  
The décor was the same; the Telmarine's use of stone and the paintings hanging on the stone walls. Then she realized it; the voice. Voices, to be exact, for there were a lot of them coming from a room she was convinced somewhere in this hall.  
She and Willan then walked through the corridor, and he felt the way she tensed up, and began talking to her to try and ease her.  
"I understand you had dinner with his majesty last night?" he asked her, smiling.  
"I did," she answered shortly.  
"How did you find the chicken?" he asked her again.  
"Delicious, thank you for asking," she answered. And then Willan looked to his left, the doors to the next room he wanted to show her. He hesitated, but when he looked at her, he found Susan staring at the opposite wall.

"Like what you see, my lady?" he teased her. Susan felt surprised at his comment but remained silent.  
The painting of Caspian hung there, tall and proud. Willan himself remembered about three years ago when the royal artists first attempted to paint him. Caspian was a good enough gentleman to let them do so without complaining at all during the hours he had to stand still and have more than three men paint him.  
She looked at him. He wore his blue tunic, embroidered with green motives of vines, dark brown breeches and thick leather belt with his sword at his left. His hair, reaching to his shoulders, very much like the way it is now. His lips did not smile but she knew he was not unhappy, even in a painting one can see such detail. He stood tall and proud, an eagle by his side.  
Susan looked at the way he stands and she could not project a word in her brain.

"It does not do him justice," Willan said, and Susan woke from her daydream.  
"The painting," he continued, "it does not do him justice," he said again, answering the silent 'I'm sorry, what?' from Susan.  
"Although it was most just to Rorkan," he said. Susan smiled.  
"Rorkan?" she asked him.  
"The majesty's pet eagle," he said.  
"I've never seen him with it," Susan said to him, finding herself staring at the painting again.  
"He keeps him in his bedroom," the knight said. "But I'm sure you will get to see him soon, my lady," Willan added and that turned her head.

"Whatever it is you're thinking about what kind of woman I am, knight, I can assure you, you are gravely mistaken," she said, the dead expression back on her face.  
Willan realized what he had said was offending her, and he quickly apologized.  
"My humblest apologies, my lady, I did not mean it that way," he said. "I'm merely stating that I see the king is taking interest in you,"  
And that silenced her.  
"What makes you so confident in your judgment sir?" she only laughed bitterly at this.  
"I just do not want my lady to be… outbid," he said, and she turned her head to look at him.  
"Outbid?" Susan asked, and Willan looked at her for a moment before he signaled the guards in front of the room to open the door.

Lights suddenly filled her eyes from the room; the corridors were decently lit but not with as much sun as the room was, but once it opened, the sun wasn't what Susan paid attention to.  
The room, despite all the stony decorations Susan has been seeing the entire morning, was filled with colors.

Orange, pink, every imaginable shades of blue; turquoise, lapis lazuli, sapphire. Yellow and bright colors like red and light green were also seen. The room was filled with them, you see, for the colors are the colors of all the women's clothing.  
Some of them were standing in groups, some alone, some alluringly looking at the man who was sitting on the throne.  
The man who has saved her life.  
Susan stayed still at the sight of this, and Willan pushed her a few steps in so the guards can close the door and they can go unnoticed. They stood behind the crowd of women.  
"What's all this?" she said, unmoving.  
"Watch, my lady," Willan said as he blended in with the rest of the knights. Susan looked at the throne, how each lady stepped up and stopping at the stairs a good three meters away from the throne, and Caspian sitting up and bowing to each one of them, and they turned away.

"Is this how he chooses them?" she asked Willan, trying to hide whatever feeling she had.  
"This is how it's supposed to, but the king has not chosen yet, up until the moment," Willan said. Susan then looked at one lady walking up to the throne and stopping at the stairs. Every one of them always does that, she watched.  
"Well how can he pick when each and every one of them stops at the stairs? Must be at least three meters away from him," Susan said.  
"It is an unwritten tradition, you see," Willan explained. "The only woman ever to grace a king of Narnia's side at the throne is always his pick, like lady Prunaprismia in Miraz's reign," he explained.  
"Their wives?"  
"Their chosen," Willan corrected. "And since he has not chosen any of them yet, they will not step closer to the king than the stairs," he explained her. Susan took in the new information and continued to watch. She blended silently and Caspian did not notice her there, obviously busy with the crowd of women wanting to meet him.

"Ladies of court," Caspian said when he has seen every one of them, "I thank you for your presence. And it makes me happy to say that we will see each other at the celebration this evening," he said. The whole room lowered their body, a sign of them paying honor to the Narnian king, and Susan, with the rest of them, was readying herself to leave.

"My dear king," they all suddenly stopped by hearing a voice which was not so loud but enough to make them all turn their heads due to the silence; even a voice of that volume was enough to be heard throughout the room.  
Caspian looked at the owner of the voice, and it was Alara.  
She was dressed in a bright turquoise outfit that bared her stomach although she had an orange scarf with her. Big earrings were dangling from both her ear lobes, her turquoise pants see through, and it would've exposed everything if not for the ornament she had hanging down to her mid-thigh from her hips. She walked up to Caspian and stopped at the stairs, like every one of them did.

"Lady Alara," he said, and the guards were impressed at the king's ability to hide his real feelings of dread from the noble Calormene.  
"Is it true that you are housing a woman here in this very castle my lord?" Alara sounded shocked and was an entrapment on purpose at the same time. Willan overheard her conversation with her friends earlier that morning. She would come to the throne room when the meeting is done and announced the inevitably true fact; that Caspian was housing a lady while looking for a wife. No doubt other women who have come were going to feel useless now that the king seemed to take interest in a woman he had took in. They were all going to cancel their plans to hopefully marry, and when they do, Alara would be the only one standing to comfort the king and eventually marry him.  
Willan had felt she was trouble, although the trouble she will cause any moment now will be harmless, he's sure, because he knows his king. Caspian would easily handle matters like these, and most importantly, would succeed.  
Susan however, was not so sure.

"What you say is true, my lady," he answered her after thinking. And at his reply, the whole room was bustling with noises, gasps and such.

"Well then how should we trust you to keep your fidelity? For all we know we can be begging to your knees for you to take our hand while you yourself fiddles around with that woman," she said. "Will our efforts not be invisible then, my lord?" she said aloud. "Will it not affect your judgment on us now that she will be under your nose?" at this, Caspian spoke.  
"With whom I fall in love with is not based on judgments, my lady," he said. "And I am perfectly capable of seeing without clouded vision, if any of you does catch my heart than I will surely be at your feet, be there a woman I have took in the castle to tend to or not; the lady was sick and I found her, which makes her my responsibility," Caspian said.  
Alara was silent and so was the room.  
"If she happens to be the one I fall in love with, then that is well and fair; for it will not be because she is staying in this castle, but of love," he added. "Now I had wished that you would understand of this, but any of you who wish to cancel your offer are welcome to," he said.  
Alara then smiled, expecting all of them to be discouraged and cancel their efforts.

"We will see you tonight, my lord," one of them said and the rest agreed, smiling at him. Caspian smiled back to all of them, grateful for their understanding and then bowed to them. Alara then stomped off the room. As the throne room began to clear out, Caspian took deep breaths. One wrong word and he might be declared to war by any of the ladies' country. It was never an easy job, being a king. But if there ever was a man for the job, Caspian would be him.  
When the throne room was completely empty, Caspian sat down.  
He sat still and breathed, thinking to himself what a day it has been and it's not even noon yet.  
As he thought silently, Caspian then remembered.

Was it Susan he saw a minute ago?

* * *

"Thank you, sir Willan," she said deadly.  
"A pleasure, milady," he said as he bowed, and then the knight left. Susan then stood alone at the corridor of her room, thinking to herself although her mind was not a clear vision today.

_Outbid?_ She thought to herself.  
If he had wanted her to make efforts to get closer to the king, he was seriously wrong. Especially with what Alara of Calormen pulled today; Susan saw how she was an obstacle to Caspian now. The ladies of court are starting to doubt him, and it was because of her. _Willan really failed this one_, she thought. If anything, what she just witnessed was only confirming her plans to avoid Caspian.  
And the whole thing Willan said about the king taking interest in her. Susan did not even think about that at all just because it was purely impossible. She then walked to her rooms; it was just a left turn away.

It was all easy enough for her to do, avoid him, don't be seen too much, and lastly—

She then felt her heart, her whole being stopped.  
Normally she wouldn't be shocked like this but she was saying herself to avoid him, avoid him, and suddenly it was him.  
"Lady Susan," he smiled at her.  
"Your majesty," Susan said and continued her walk. He looked like he was about to say something but she already left.

What's gotten into her? He doesn't know.  
But he would find out.

* * *

Susan closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. She sat on the bed, and then realizing that she was restless now, Susan set off to refresh herself by taking a light bath. After doing so, she realized that did not help at all. Her heart pace was just too fast for her to be able to do anything relaxing, so Susan just sat down in front of the window with a book on her lap.  
It was all going to work out, she said numerous times in her head. At first she knew she had to keep a distance with him because he was searching for a wife, but then she found out later in the day that she may be an actual problem for him to do so. Avoiding the king would be the only sensible option; she cannot be seen too much with him, and she knows that.

And then the knock on her door sent her heartbeats to mimic those of a hummingbird's wings. When she saw it was only Giany, Susan eased.

"Giany," she greeted the lady.  
"Pardon me my lady, I do not wish to disturb your rest," the old woman said. "But I was asked by the king to bid you come into lunch,"

And then her heart went crazy all over again. Giany couldn't know of her plan, so she just answered and tried to be believable in her response.  
"I am feeling a bit unwell at the moment," she said. "Tell the king I am sorry, I cannot join him," she said to her.  
"What's wrong dear? Still sick?" Giany asked, worried.  
"No, it's just that I've not yet fully recovered," Susan said to the woman.  
"Well some food will do you good then, milady," the woman said. "No worries I shall have some food brought to you then," she said again as she left. Susan closed the doors and breathed out in frustration. It was only normal for him to care for her so; she was his responsibility, as he said. Then Susan once again settled in on the armchair, facing the window. She then realized that she had her own balcony; and planned to have lunch there. The fact that she has not been outside today only encouraged her more to go out, bask in the glorious Narnian sun. Suddenly she didn't find any more of the book's appeal; Susan then got up from her chair, and walked towards the glass doors before opening it.

As the door opened, it revealed to her what she longed for; the glorious, warm sun on her skin, the fragrant Narnian breeze. She closed her eyes and took in the warmth of everything. It felt good on her. And then she opened her eyes and stood before the railings. She had always loved the sun, never scorching and never too shy.  
Minutes later her lunch was brought in for her, and Susan mainly poked through the fish and vegetables accompanying it. She ate a couple of bites, but soon she was done; she wasn't very hungry. When lunch was brought out, Susan thanked the woman who did it for her and continued to look at the view. The rest of Narnia.  
She then looked at her side and found herself captured at the sight.

He was reading, and he did not notice her for she was at his side of things. Rorkan was at his shoulder, eyeing what's in front of them, the statuesque eagle watching for any danger that might be lurking. And then as if it was a sign, Caspian looked at her balcony.

She wasn't there.

* * *

"Your majesty," Trumpkin greeted the king. Trumpkin was chatting with the professor and Glenstorm, secretly predicting which girl Caspian would eventually choose.  
The hall was magically transformed into a magnificent setting fit for a celebration. Sparkling decorations, and there was a long table for the food where you can see every category imaginable; from fish and crabs to chickens and pheasants, to beef and every other red meat. Wines were also available in goblets; spiced and delicious. Grand centerpieces were also there, set on the table at least three, and two besides each pillar which graced the hall.  
"We were just talking about the weather," Trumpkin said again and the professor choked a laugh. Glenstorm, however, was not letting his guard down and scanned the room, although not as tense as he usually is.  
"I'm sure you are," the king said, grinning sarcastically to the three men.  
"I trust everything is to your liking, majesty?" Glenstorm then asked.  
"It exceeds it, general," the king said. And then Caspian walked to the corner of the room, not wanting to go to his throne in the hall just yet, he would chat and be seen to socialize first. He picked up a goblet of wine and began sipping the rich liquid inside.

"What on earth are you doing with me," Willan then said to him, "The ladies are waiting," he then grinned, a smile he hid behind his goblet. Caspian laughed.  
"Can't you ever talk of them nobly?" he asked his friend.  
"I can if not for Alara," Willan answered him, the smile fading. "She's trouble, that woman,"  
"I know," Caspian answered him. "Shame, for I thought at least _you'll_ like her," Caspian said as he made his way towards the throne and the knight followed him. With whom Caspian dance his first dance with determines whom he will pick. That's why the king hadn't danced yet, he was waiting.  
"I wouldn't dare to try to have my way with her, your majesty," Willan said. "She is here for you; the intention anyone could see without being so intelligent," he said.  
"I should like to give her some credit, I admire her...forwardness," Caspian argued. "It takes quite a lot of bravery to be so," he said again as he sits down. Willan standing beside him as the two continued to chat.  
"Or maybe just that she doesn't know her place," Willan said, and at that Caspian was actually surprised.  
"You shouldn't speak of a representative that way, Willan," he said.  
"Pardon me your majesty but this knight just doesn't want to see his king and his friend takes wife a woman of such qualities," he spoke with the tiniest regret. Caspian laughed because he knew Willan would never talk like that to anyone beside him, and that what he said was actually true.  
"You seem to know the characteristics of what my wife-to-be should be, better than I who am to become her husband," he teased him.  
"I do," Willan raised his eyebrows at him, confirming the king's words. "And I am sure it will not be Alara," he said again.  
"That lady Susan, however," he said as he drank from his goblet. "She is fit," Willan said.  
"How was the tour today?" Caspian asked him.  
"Well unfortunately we ran in to Alara saying her doubts on you," he answered. "That might've shaken her," Willan said to the king.

"I'm beginning to feel something for her," Caspian said to his friend and Willan stared at him.  
"Finally!" the knight grinned. "It's about time!" he elbowed the king at his shoulders.  
"Do you think she will reciprocate?" Caspian asked again and Willan laughed.  
"You might want to ask that to her," the knight said to him, and Caspian turned his head from his friend to across the great hall, where there in the doorsteps stood Susan.

She had on a light blue dress, the neckline a v from her shoulders and the sleeves were long to the back of her palm and puff at her upper arm. The outer dress was of light blue, and her chocolate hair fell down to her waist, waves of warm brown. Her skin creamier now than he ever saw it, the full lips of her slightly more colored than her cheeks.

Caspian stood up at the sight of her and made his way to her from across the hall.  
Everyone stared at their king, knowing he was on his way to pick up a lady for a potential first dance, even though the merriment did not stop. People were still dancing and laughing and the hall was just bustling with excitement. Caspian and Willan had to half-yell just to even talk. And that merriment was what caused Susan to not realize that the king of Narnia was walking towards her. And when she did realize it, Susan wished she hadn't.

He stood in front of her, smiling, and Susan smiled back. She had too.  
Susan knew what this first dance meant. And she would avoid it, just like she's been avoiding him.

"Would the lady be so kind as to honor me with a dance?" he asked her, offering her his hand. Susan only looked at the open palm of the king, waiting for hers to intertwine with it. There it is. The question she was afraid of. She did not know how to reject him.

"I'd rather not, my king," she said, her eyes fearful yet her voice sounded so determined, so fearless, that her answer was an absolute, one that no one can change. Even the king of Narnia.  
Caspian smiled at her, "So my lady would deny a king of his request?" he tested her.  
"Only when I think he would be fine without it being granted," answered her, the dead expression of blankness was on her face. She knew everyone was secretly looking, despite all the loud noises of music and chatter. But Susan also knew what this dance would mean. And she would try with all her might to let him away.  
"Pardon me, milady," Caspian said as he bowed. "But a man's heart will never be fine at the rejection of a dance from the lady he is fond of, be he a king or anyone else," and that surprised her. Fond? He is fond of her? She was beginning to feel like a toy.

"Then I suggest you look around the room for _exactly_ that woman, my lord," she said as she readied herself to leave. Part of her was glad that she was able to do that, and the other part she doesn't know what to feel. She knows this is the right thing to do, but if it is why was she so empty? That was what she thought of the entire night.  
And the king did not dance at all that evening.

* * *

He waited at the throne room for the meeting with all of them, Susan excluded. She had gone to her chambers, and the rest of the women were entering the throne room although they knew what he was going to say.  
"Friends," he started. "I—"  
"We know what you are going to say, my king," one of them said suddenly. Caspian was readying his apologies, but then when he saw that they were actually smiling, he was confused.  
"And we give you our consent," another one said. Caspian was still confused.  
"We know of your liking for the Lady Susan Pevensie," Liliandil then explained to him, and his confused expression eased.  
"I am sorry for wasting your time," he apologized. "But I hope that our countries and ourselves will not drift away from this,"  
"We won't my king," Editha then answered. "We are happily wishing you luck in the courting of Lady Susan," she said again.  
"Do us proud now," a voice said and then the women laughed.

After saying his thanks, Caspian returned to his chamber.  
He was touched, to be truthful, because they all understood and gave him their consent to court her. The women would be returning back to their countries the first thing tomorrow morning, and Caspian was thankful that they understood.  
He was in love. It took a little time to sink it in, but there was something about Susan Pevensie that he could not describe. She was independent, and hurt. Fragile, yet hard as stone. And that made him knew he just had to be with her. And he knew that deep down, she knew that too.

* * *

When she woke up Susan just stared at the ceiling for hours. Or at least, what seemed like hours.  
She just lay on the bed, the Narnian sun was blocked because of the curtains and her room was dark.  
She stood up and opened the curtains, silently delighted to see the Narnian sun gloriously shining. It filled the whole room instantly, and Susan for a moment just stood before the windows, taking in all the healthy sunlight.

She took a bath, and then washed her hair, and put on a green dress. She was not the type of woman who'd care about looks, and after she put it on, Susan combed her hair and began her descend. She didn't bother to wait for breakfast. She was thinking of seeing the rest of the castle today.  
"Lady Susan," she heard his voice call out her name and she groaned inside.  
And so her façade began and she hadn't even had breakfast yet.  
"Your majesty," she said as she lowered her body, turning to see him.  
"Morning," he greeted her, smiling. "Would you like to have breakfast with me? I'm sure you are starving since I didn't see you eat much yesterday," he said to her.  
Susan stared at the king's face, confused that someone with a stressful job as the king would look like they're having the time of their life.  
"I'm not a breakfast person, my lord," she answered. He looked surprised, but that wasn't enough to stop the king of Narnia from getting what he wants.  
"Oh?" he said. "Well then I was thinking of taking you for a walk around the palace,"  
"I was just going to do that, my lord," she said to him.  
"Great then we can do it together," he said, offering her his hand.

"Oh, no! My lord, I uhh..." Susan said. "I really do not want to trouble you," she continued.  
"My lady, you are not troubling anyone. Besides, I want to spend some time with you," he said, and this surprised her.  
Susan's expression immediately turned dead; lifeless. He noticed that she does this everytime she is shocked. He wonders why that is.

She hides her feelings by appearing dead, but that wasn't enough to fool the king of Narnia.

"What if I don't want you to come?" she suddenly asked, hoping to push the king away. Her expression showed no means of joking, but that did not scare him. Instead Caspian challenged her and took her by the waist.

"Good thing it's not up for debate then,"

* * *

**Hey everyone! First of all let me thank all of you who's been reviewing and reading this story. It means so much to me :)**  
**So what do you think of this chapter? Reviews please, folks!**


	6. The Daily Debates to Win Her

The Daily Debates to Win Her

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is inside the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my OCs. **

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! Thanks for all of you who have followed, favorited and reviewed! You guys are the best :)**

* * *

Susan looked around the family room. She had wanted to go there for a second time to look at things once again; the royal family room of the Telmarines.  
Caspian was beside her, a few steps back from where she stood. She looked at the sets of windows which allowed the sunlight to rush in and fill the room, once dark and mildewed are now fresh and warm. The armchairs and sofas arranged in the center of the room, elegantly furnished and neatly arranged.  
Susan looked at everything animatedly.  
"What is it about family rooms that attract you so?" Caspian asked her, folded hands as he leaned on the wall, looking at her.

"I've never met my family," Susan said to him. She did not expect sympathy; rather she said it deadly, without emotions, without life, without feeling. She traced her finger to the lining of the couch, feeling the texture of it.  
Caspian then looked at her, the smile on his face faded as he began to know the woman.  
"Now that I think of it, you've never really told me of your origin," Caspian asked her.  
Susan lifted her gaze and looked at the king.  
"I've never been one to dwell in my past, your majesty," she said to him. Her tone left something, leaving him in the unknown, alone.  
"Are you not grateful for them?" he asked.  
"For what?"  
"The past,"  
"Why should I be?" she then asked him, facing each other now. Caspian thought about her answer for a moment as he stared at her, brows raised and she kept her two arms on her side, unmoving.

"I see the past as a big part of who we are now," he said. "To me that is enough to make me thank whatever's happened,"  
"Yes but you are happy with who you are, my king,"  
"And you are not?"  
"I am not," she said. "I see the past as an obstacle which would have kept me from being a better me. I'm just lucky enough I was able to go through it,"  
"Indeed you have," Caspian said. He smiled at how she stands her ground, how firmly she holds her grip and the determination she owns in her way of behaving. He respects her opinion, and she respects his.  
Susan walked around the room and stood in front of the big painting of Caspian and Prunaprismia. The former queen was sitting and her nephew was standing beside her a little behind her.

"Why do you see the past as a block? Isn't the past's only use is so that we learn from it?" he asked.  
"True," she said. "But to me what is the use of it if you can see what's better about one now?"  
"What is it about the past that makes you avoid it?"  
"What is it about the past that attracts you so?" she asked back, smirking although she kept the straight face.  
"You did not answer the question," he said to her.

"And you didn't answer yours," she was smiling now.  
Caspian then laughed and walked around the room.

"I believe everything happens for a reason," he started. "The past included. If anything from the past had happened differently, we may not be standing here right now," he said. Susan continued to look at the painting, quietly agreeing with his statement, "And if we are not standing here right now, the future will be affected as well," he said to her.  
"And if anything had happened differently in the forest, I'll never have met you," he added casually.  
That stirred her. Susan turned around and looked at him. He stared at her, a good distance away but his eyes burned into hers. He was trying to tell her something. And she understood. If only she wanted to acknowledge it.

"I realize I've never properly thanked you for saving me," she said. "But had I known you were looking for a wife, I'd have got off the horse myself from the first place, she said. Caspian smiled at her.  
"You don't have to worry about that anymore, Lady Susan," he replied to her. "It's over,"

Susan looked at him.  
"You mean your majesty has chosen one?" she asked, smiling. "Congratulations,"  
"No, I haven't,"  
And Caspian laughed. Now is not the time for her to know what the women said to him, and so he would keep it to himself for now. He quickly changed the subject, although it was a subject he holds true.

"I must say my lady I admire you for your independence," Caspian started, and his voice shook her.  
Susan looked at him, confused and was not hesitating to show it.

"Independence?" she asked him.  
"You don't know anyone in the palace but me," he said. "Yet you still reject my every request and offer to be with you. Why do you think that is?" Caspian asked her. Susan looked down, trying to hide her feelings from him yet again.  
"I have my reasons, my lord," she said.  
"I think I deserve to know," he said, leaning on the wall. "Go on," And Susan did not know how to reply to this.

"I've heard talks of doubts about my being here, my lord," she started. "And I cannot say I blame them because I, too, am confused why would my lord take such a being of me and tend to me? I hardly deserve any of it," she said.  
"You do not think you deserve it? You were alone in the forest, and passed out because of cold and hunger. I found you, my lady, and when I took you, it was a promise I made to myself that I will take care of you," he said.  
"But aren't you afraid of what they are saying about you? About us?" she asked. "You've given me the room next to you, my lord, truly you have been nothing but wonderful to me, but I strongly suggest that you send me back to the woods and be rid of me," she said to him. That was the longest sentence she'd ever speak to him, and Caspian did not reply for a while. Susan kept staring at him, her eyes piercing through his to fish out a reply. He holds his stare on her, as if believing she would somehow look away. And when she did, she looked to the ground; and Caspian saw something inside her come out for the first time. She stared at the floor, and he wonders to himself why does she do this every time; forbidding her own feelings to show themselves.

"What if I don't want you to be rid of you?"

And that was enough to silence her.  
She stared at him, not believing his answer. He looked right back at her, his expression serious and it was as if he was challenging her to answer. Her mind was silent although her heart repeated his words.

"Do you not, my lord?" she said. "Want to be rid of me?"  
Caspian looked at her and slowly his straight line lips turned into a grin. "Truly I do not," he said.

And for the first time ever since their meeting, Caspian saw Susan smile.

* * *

"Now where should we go next?" Susan said after putting her hand on Caspian's offered upper arm. The two of them walked out of the library which they just viewed. Caspian kept his left hand on the small of his back.  
"Well I was thinking we could have lunch first," Caspian said, looking at her.

Susan then silenced.  
She tried to not show any kind of expression whatsoever on her face, and she doesn't know how it was turning up for her. In her heart, Susan could not be more pleased. And she scolded herself too, for feeling exactly what she felt.  
She felt blood boiling up to her cheeks. Her fingertips were throbbing on the surface of his sleeve, her head dizzy.  
Maybe one small lunch wouldn't hurt, she said to herself. And she was pretty hungry…

"Unless you continue this behavior of rejecting my efforts to spend time with you," Caspian then said, teasing her. Susan looked at him as if she didn't quite understand what he was saying.

"You want to spend time with me, my lord?" she asked, not believing the words.  
"As much as I can," he answered her, showing that he was serious.

Susan then quieted as they continued their walk.  
He wanted to spend time with _her._ Can it be true? Well he doesn't seem like a man who would toy with such things like these, but Susan knew better. There was no way he would say that if he was not playing her. She then felt used. If he is playing, she doesn't want any part of the game. She will not be anyone's mistress, be he an ordinary man or the king or Narnia himself.  
Susan felt played because it was too impossible for her. All this was too impossible. He was trying to be close to her; she knew that. But all that just seems like he was toying her because it all are purely impossible to her view. Plus the fact that he was searching for a wife. It obviously can't and won't be her. There was no way he would try to be close to her for real; so he has to be playing. That's the only logical explanation to his behavior. And she would not play alongside him.

"I'm sorry, my lord," she started.  
"It's alright," he answered, almost cutting her off. "I knew you were going to say no," he said, the sadness clear but he laughed.  
"I am feeling a little tired," she lied. She wasn't tired at all. Zero percent tiredness.

"Well then you should rest, my lady," Caspian said. "I will escort you to your room," he said again.  
"No that won't be necessary, my king," she said as she let go of his arm. "I am going to walk to my room and rest for a while, don't trouble yourself with the like of me your majesty," she said.  
"You are no trouble at all,"  
"Yes but I know you have your duties that awaits," she continued. "I'll head to my room then," she said as she lowered her body and left without seeing his face. She could not. Her steps brought her further away from him, and inside she laughed at how angry she is inside towards her feet for betraying her so.

"Lady Susan," he called out her name. Susan stopped and exhaled before turning around to face him.

The question which came out of his mouth, embraced by the Telmarine accent in his voice.  
"How about dinner?"  
He looked at her, as if he knew what her answer was going to be yet he still asked it anyway. He couldn't not even try; that wouldn't be him.  
Susan stared at the king, and before turning to walk away, she gave him a nod.

Caspian smiled and she smiled at him too.  
And then they were apart.

* * *

She closed the door behind her, and sat on her bed.  
He wanted to spend time with _her._

Susan did not know what he was trying to do, or what his feelings were towards her, but whatever it is, she doesn't like it. Or at least, she wanted to dislike it. But he was showing interest in her, and that just doesn't make sense at all. It was all blasphemies, and her believing t5he fact that he was interested so treacherous only made his actions seem even more like he was playing her.  
But he seemed true. True enough.

"Don't be ridiculous, Susan," she said to herself.  
She is not worthy of his love, if he really does have spared some for her. He is the king of Narnia, and she imagined he had spent his time with lovely women begging for him to take them. Why would he suddenly choose her to be with? And Susan did not find anything in her brain that she judged would be the answer to that.

* * *

"Your majesty!" the friendly voice of Juan Willan stopped Caspian's steps. The king turned around and greeted his friend.  
"Morning," he said to the knight. Willan jogged to him and stopped in front of him, lightly panting and somewhat panicked.  
"I see you're already exercising," he remarked to his friend. Willan just smirked and lightly jabbed his arm.

"I deliver news to you, majesty," Willan said.  
"Ah yes, the tax report, I presume?" Caspian answered as he held up his hand, expecting the knight to give the parchment he assumed was there to him.  
"Delivered safe and sound directly to the king," Willan said as he put the scroll in Caspian's hand.  
"Thank you," Caspian replied him. He did not open the scroll; today he was allowed some break. He would eventually start effectively working after lunch and, if he is his usual, efficient self, would be done by around 4.  
"I cannot believe they all were willing to go," Willan said after a couple of steps. "They just lost themselves some pretty good riches,"  
"Yes and gained back the chance to actually be happy and married off to love," Caspian teased his friend. "I really don't understand them," the king continued, the obvious irony clear in his voice and expression.  
"Well that would be one of the reasons, but that's not important!" Willan said. "You're free now!" he lightly punched Caspian's back. "That means you can court the lady Susan Pevensie if you want to, without being a complete arse to anyone,"  
Caspian laughed. "Thanks for the assurance, friend,"  
"Hey I am serious! You said you wanted to marry for love, isn't that the reason they all went home, the women?"  
Willan sounded somewhat… excited. Caspian was delightfully confused at his friend's behavior; he rarely gets excited. But then again, this _is_about women…

"When are you planning to do it?" he asked, grinning as they walked along the corridors of the castle.  
"Do what?" Caspian asked, and to Willan's view: either he was pretending to be blank or he really was blank. Either way, Willan was happy to answer.  
"To court her, of course," he said it as if it was general knowledge.  
"Really? Even my aunt isn't this nosy," Caspian said, almost talking to himself as he reflects on his friend's question. Willan just kept being energetic.  
"I'm your best friend," he said, "of course I'm nosy,"  
Caspian only grinned. "Right," he said.

"Well if you're not going to tell me, then I'll best be off," and they stopped their steps, facing each other now. "Good day, my lord," Willan said, instantly changing back to his knight side as he bowed to his king and turned around to resume his duties around the castle.  
Caspian then continued his walk to his chambers and went out to his balcony. There, his lunch was served.  
Caspian sat down and began eating with the tax report opened at the side of his plate, him intently reading it while putting a few bites into his mouth. Everything was going well, the taxes were paid without complaints and all was good. He remembered the first few months of his reign, and he was stressed at that time. But as time grew, the position grew on him too. He is a good king, fair to his people and fair in his judgments.  
Although all seemed well, Caspian was clearly aware of the existence of people who disagree on being united with the Narnians, and disagree on the way he rules. Miraz's reign was very different from his, and those people feared that Caspian's 'weaker' way of ruling was going to bring them to their doom. He never paid any attention to their vandalism, though.  
No, of course he wouldn't be thinking about that.

What he's thinking about now is her.  
Susan Pevensie.  
He doesn't know what had brought them together in that forest, and the mythical way of their meeting. A woman, bathing in an eerie lagoon just before dawn, and he found her, and to be honest; Caspian doesn't care. She was different. She had been hurt in her life, and that's what makes her so fragile but strong. Oh, she was strong; Caspian was sure of that. The way she speaks and brought herself, she is a woman of dignity and intelligence. Her dictions are not of those who are not intellectually educated.  
He was sure he made his intentions clear; he had said he wanted to spend time with her. But if that wasn't enough to let her know that he is somewhat drawn to her, he was going to let her know soon.  
It's not that he is playing with her, just that he was worried she would not feel what he feels at all. Susan is still closed at the moment; kept to herself, and Caspian doesn't want to be the man who broke her at these fragile times. He would spend time to get to know her first, and then properly court her.  
Right now, their relationship is hardly a relationship; unclear and hazy. He didn't expect her to know of his feelings, and so the right thing would be to tell her of it.  
Maybe then she wouldn't be so scared to open up to him.

Caspian can see it in her eyes; regret and avoidance of her past. Maybe that's what's making her avoid him so.

He then got up after finished reading the tax report and went out of his room.  
He wouldn't rush things, but he is a smart enough man to know that when you get a woman like her, you do not let her go off with another.

* * *

Susan Pevensie sat in her room, and it was almost six; just a few minutes before dinner.  
She had taken a bath, and sat still on the chair of her vanity as she stared at herself.  
The fine, porcelain skin of her which she now hates, the ice-blue eyes she has used to stared deep into souls, the lips which had contaminated the pure lips of Narnia.  
She hated herself for what she had done. Something she did in her past.  
And she wondered to Aslan, how can someone who did such a sin as hers be given all these gifts; staying in the castle, protected by the king.

The king.  
Oh Caspian. How unaware he is of who she is. He is playing with fire, sleeping with a snake.  
Yes, that's what she is; a snake. The analogy would soon be true, if she doesn't stop it. She was aware of his affections for her; she wasn't stupid. She knew he was falling for her, and while most women would be happy, Susan Pevensie grew colder by the second. Every little thing impacts the other. If he falls for her, people will know who she is, and then the past, oh yes the past which she feared would come back and haunt her; pushing her off.

And inside, Susan knew she kept feelings for him, too.  
It is weird, she supposed, because she had only known him for not more than a week, but he's shown kindness to her; a quality she rarely intersects with in her relations with people around her life before she had met him. He was a gentleman to her; a perfect, polite man and he had rescued her. They say that women are bound to fall in love with a man who rescues them, and right now, that saying could not be truer. Susan realized she is falling for the king, and the more she realizes it, the more she steps away.

She cannot fall in love with him. She doesn't deserve a man like him. He was way too good for her, she realizes that. He was the king. And she was nothing. Lower than nothing; she was a pariah. With sins and regrets in life she could not undo, and that's exactly why she feels she was unworthy.  
Susan continued to stare at the reflection she saw in front of her; the lively, bright woman she used to be and the tired, used girl she now has become. Everything remained the same; her skin, creamy and pale, her eyes of cool ice-blue, the thick waves of chocolate hair falling to her waist, her chin and her jaws, yes everything remained the same except everything about her was different.

She then stood up to ready herself to leave, but then when she heard the knock on her door, Susan turned her head.

"Lady Susan?" and there he was. The king.  
"In a moment, your majesty," she said as she walked to her bedroom door and opened it.

There he stood, all ready and clean; the scent of him filled her thoughts and the presence of him was overwhelming her. He smiled at her, in his deep purple doublet and sky blue tunic, dark gray breeches. His crown was on the top of his head, sitting there with pride and glory; a sign of what he had overcame.  
"May I come in?" he asked her, and Susan nodded in consent.

She closed the door behind him, and Caspian stood at the entrance of her bedroom, looking at her as she closed the door. Susan then walked to the body-length mirror and adjusted her hair.  
"Is my lord in need of something I can give?" she asked, and both of them recognized that her tone was more open. The fear, the unbelieving was gone. She looked at him through the reflection, and Caspian looked at her too.  
"I just thought it would be nice to go together," he said, smiling at her. Susan returned the smile, and answered him. "It will just take a moment, my lord," she said as she straightened out her skirt.  
Susan looked at her skirt, straightening out the ruffled places and making sure it was flawless. She noticed the king walking towards her, but she just did not care. Nor was she afraid.

"And I want to give you this," he said, close to her now. He was standing behind her, and Susan looked at him through the reflection before turning around and facing him. He held a box in his hands, diamonds and pearls bejeweled the box and it was sealed with a red ribbon and Aslan's outline in the middle.  
Susan looked at the box for a while and then looked up to him.

"I am sorry, my king, but whatever is in that box, I cannot accept it," she said, colder than her earlier tone yet warmer than she usually is.  
"On the contrary, I don't think no one else might more befit of it," he grinned at her.  
He gave her the box, and Susan looked at him once again before opening it.  
And there, sitting on the deep navy blue velvet fabric neatly coiled inside, laid his gift.  
It was intricate; a necklace of clear tiny diamonds shaping a lace motive. It was extravagant; not only was it made of diamonds, but also it was obviously not an average necklace or pendant. Even Prunaprismia rarely have these sorts of things. Yet he is giving her one.

Caspian looked at her as she animatedly stared at the gift he has brought her. Or bought for her.  
"Like it?" he asked her, grinning. Susan then lifted her stare from the intricate necklace to him.  
He then placed his hands on her waist and turned her around to face the mirror.  
Caspian took the necklace out from its box and placed it on her bare neck; the skin smooth and deliciously cold. She shivered at his touch, and he noticed it too.  
It sat on her neck as if it was made for her. Susan stood still, not reacting to all of this. Caspian stood close behind her, their bodies touching and he leaned in on her.  
"Beautiful," he remarked as he looked at her reflection.

Susan then turned around and looked at him.  
"Why are you giving me this?" she asked, the quiver in her voice clear although she intended to hide it. She stared into his eyes, the chocolate brown eyes of his not releasing his stare, too.

Caspian then smiled and answered her, "Well I saw it today at the jewelers', and I immediately thought of you," he said. Susan just kept looking at him, and then her voice came out rough and her expression pale.

"If you are trying to buy me, it will take a lot more than jewelry to succeed," she said to him. Susan was surprised at her respond. That sounded different in her head. She grinned, hoping that he wouldn't take it seriously. Caspian raised his eyebrows and answered her.  
"I do not think a lady like you deserves or even can be bought, I value you," he said. "Rather, I seek your approval that your king has good taste in picking out jewelry," he grinned and she blushed at his answer.  
"Well, I do not doubt it your majesty, your taste in women's jewelry is divine," she said, reaching out to the back of her neck to unhook the clasp of the necklace.  
Caspian then placed his hand on hers, stopping her from her doings.  
"Don't," he said.  
Susan stared at him, confused.  
"It's yours," he said to her, looking at her now.

Susan stood still and turned around to face him. She was serious now, the smile and grin and traces of it completely gone; vanished from her face.  
"I cannot accept it," she said to him, and her expression and tone was unreadable.  
"Of course you can,"  
"I do not deserve it," she said to him, not looking at him.  
Caspian ached to see what she was becoming; withering away by the second.  
"You think so?" he asked her, the smile still on his face as he traced his finger on the necklace, "I think no one else is more deserving of it than you,"

Susan lifted her face and looked at him.  
He grinned at her, and her expression suddenly went dead.  
She was confused at the new-found anger inside her.  
Is he really doing this? Suddenly buying her jewelry fit for a queen to buy her affections? Susan did not believe he was the kind of man who would do that. Not only did she not believe, she _knew_ he was not.  
But that is the only reason she could think of.  
And then it hit her.  
All these times, she only believed what is inside her head. He's not trying to buy her, it was clear he had no secret intentions. But because it seemed to be the only logical explanation (since him actually falling in love with her is out of the question,) Susan believed the wrong thing.  
And so she would start to believe what's right; him.

"If you are looking to win my affections, my lord, I assure you, it will take a lot more than jewelry," she said, surprised at her somewhat flirty tone. She was smiling, and Caspian liked that.  
"Oh?" he asked, "So I will win it eventually then?"  
"Depends," she answered. "The way I see it, there's only two options why a man buys woman jewelry," she said.  
"And what are those conditions?" he asked her, brows rose.  
"The first one being the man so incompetent he cannot win her anyway else," she continued. "Second being if he actually likes her," she answered.  
"Ah, so both conditions eventually lead to the man winning her over?" Caspian asked.  
"Yes to the first if the woman is a fool, and yes to the second if the man is the fool," she said as she turned to face the mirror, looking at his reflection. "Because men who fall in love with women like me always end up running away," she said, almost to herself.

"Then I must be the most foolish man in Narnia," he said, and Susan silenced.  
She turned around to look at him, her face full of questions about what he just said.  
"Silly me for thinking the king would be any different than the chickens I have encountered," she answered, hoping to turn away the subject. But he was the king. And she should have known better.

"No, I wouldn't say you are," he said. "_I_ would not run away,"

And Susan found herself not looking anywhere else. Just him.  
"Not from you," he said again, and something inside her tells her that that night was only beginning.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Convincing and The Finally Convinced**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my OCs.  
**

* * *

"Please stop,"

Susan looked down, her voice breathy and quivering, and she felt her heart dropping to her stomach, making it hard for her to breathe naturally. She did have some doubts about saying her opinion, but she just cannot deal with it any longer. Caspian's actions, _the king's _actions were beginning to be tiring for her to handle.

"Stop what?"  
He asked, and she felt his stare on her. He took one step further, closer to her, eyes not lifted and fixed on her, looking down. Susan felt him closer and she cannot move. She wasn't afraid of what he was trying to do, or what _she thought_ he was trying to do. If there's one thing Susan knew how to do, it was this. And inside she was sorry for herself for believing that he would be any different from her past.

"Toying me around," she said, still looking down.  
Caspian was confused but he managed to hide some of it. His expression was unreadable; he did not smile nor did he frown. He took one more step further, closer to her. He was afraid of how she would react, and that showed; she took one step back, furthering herself away from him.

"I am not playing with you," he said.  
"Are you not?" she shot her head up, her eyes on his, piercing and cold. She was demanding, and his soft expression turned tense at her tensing up. Caspian stayed where he is, hoping he wouldn't scare her off.

"I know better than to toy with a woman's emotions," he said, and he could see Susan eased. She knew it was right; he was the king. Of course he has to be subtle, unlike his friend the knight, Juan Willan, whose reputations precedes him throughout the castle. And then Susan began to soften her thoughts. Maybe her judgments were too abrupt on him.

"Let alone a woman I feel special about,"  
her judgments were not abrupt enough.

Susan then looked at him once more, her softened expression turned somewhat darker.  
"This is exactly what I am talking about," she said to him. She was surprised at her tone of answer; it was louder and angrier than she thought it would come out, but that is how angry she felt. Caspian did not react differently to her anger, rather he was confused and somewhat insulted.

"I wouldn't toy with anyone, especially you," he said. "And I know you are not the type of woman one can toy around,"  
"Then why are you playing me?"  
"What exactly are you accusing me of?"  
Caspian looked at her as Susan turned around, not able to deal with him being so close.

"You saved a woman you did not know from the woods," she continued. "And that's noble of you, I know,"  
Caspian did not reply, instead he waited for her to continue. He stood there, looking at her, knowing that she would finally let her feelings show to him, and he wouldn't stop her.

"But you've given me the room next to you," she said.  
"And you gave me jewelry," she gestured to the extravagant piece, sitting on her neck.  
"And you said things to me I know you could not possibly mean," she said, her tone softened more than angry, and then Caspian realized what it was; sorrow.  
"And you did all of that without meaning any of it, said what you said without meaning any of it,"  
Susan was looking down now, disconnected from him and disconnected from herself.

"I meant my every word," he said, and she did not move an inch from her position.  
"You couldn't have possibly," she said, her back to him. Caspian took a step closer to her, and he was grateful she could not see him. He was surprised at her answer, but decided to hold back the anger that she did not believe him.  
Instead, he just repeated his words, hoping it would enter her.  
"I meant my every word,"  
"I don't believe you," she said to him, her voice stronger but the sorrow still clear in her voice.  
He then took one more step closer to her and finally began to show his feelings. This would be the conversation that decides everything. He knows what his feelings were for her, and so he would declare it.  
And then he saw her looking down at the floor and lifted her head, smiling; the force to do so was utterly visible.

"Forget what I said, my lord," her voice rang clear and deciding. "Dinner is getting cold," she gathered her skirts and readied herself to the door.

Caspian thought to himself about this. He stood still, thinking. This is his opportunity. After this, it was one way or the other. Either he loses her, or he says what needs to be said now. The choice was obvious, of course, and Caspian knew what he was supposed to do.

"Do you never smile?" he asked her, his voice stopping her steps. Susan did not move, and she looked at him.  
Caspian turned around, and he faced her. His stare on her, desperately looking for something he's not sure was there.  
She stared at him with confused eyes, as if she hadn't been listening this whole time. She was somewhat surprised that he talked as if they did not have an earlier conversation where she was saying that he is tricking her. No, he was not remembering that because he knew she did not mean it that way. The two of them locked their eyes together for a moment, she; silently asking him whether or not he heard himself, and he; silently saying to her to answer.

"I do, when I am happy," she finally answered, her body facing him now.  
"Then you must be severely unhappy now," he remarked, easing his body from the stand-still. He approached her, and Susan stood still in her position until he was finally close to her, not more than a half-meter away.  
"A dance, to happy your unhappiness?" he offered, his hand in the air, expecting for her palm to be in his. Susan stared at the man in front of her, then at his offered palm, and then back at his face. It was hard to read him if he is like this; not serious but not grinning either.  
She sighed and he saw her eased her shoulders. "It will take more than a dance to make me happy," she said, turning away and walking further from him. She headed for the door, and he followed her, beating her to it. He blocked the wooden doors from her, the only way too exit.  
No escape.

"Name your desires," he said to her, challenging her to answer, for he will fulfill it once she'd say it to him. Whatever it is. Susan looked at him, her lips lightly parted. He looked at her and was not hesitating. The two looked at each other, Susan silently begging for him to stop this act and just let everything be. Caspian refused and stood his ground. When she saw and realized that he was not going to give up anytime soon, Susan turned around and headed to her vanity.  
Suddenly he took hold of her arm and stopped her from fleeing once again. His grip was firm and gentle; he wouldn't hurt her. Susan felt her heart stopped. He pulled her closer to him, their faces merely inches away from the other.

"You've been avoiding me," he said to her, and she could feel his cool breath on her face, fragrant of toffee. It was not a question, rather a statement, and she knew it was true. He felt it, too, and his tone was somewhat sad and his voice was deep, begging for her to answer. She stayed silent, and she turned her face to her right side as he said so.  
"I have to," she answered him. And at that, his expression turned to anger. He had somehow led himself to believe that maybe she would deny it, or maybe she was telling the truth about her not feeling well.

"Have I done something to earn your disdain?" he said, his tone stern and his voice was somewhat raised.  
"My king has been nothing but kind to me,"  
"Then why won't you look at me?"

She did not answer him. Instead, she just continued to look to her right, trying to hide her expression.  
"Look at me," he said to her, and she just stood still.  
Caspian then placed his hand on her jaw and he felt her skin shiver. He put his hand on her waist and pulled her closer to him, bodies touching and face so unbearably close. Susan placed her hand on his arm, a gesture to drive him away from her. It was not working.

"Let me go, your majesty," she said to him, still not looking at his face, her eyes desperately shut and her voice restrained, "Please," she begged.  
"Look at me," he repeated his words, he firmed his hold of her, feeling her struggle to free herself.  
"I cannot," she then said after inhaling.  
"Look at me Susan," he said again, and then she turned her head. Her eyes were ice blue and cold, and in his arms, Caspian felt her shaking. She did not say anything, just stared at him and he recognized the feeling he saw across her face; sorrow.

"Tell me what I did that made you hate me so," he said to her, the words coming out from his mouth word by word, like shards of ice that is twisted through her heart.  
"I do not hate you," she said. "You saved my life,"  
"Yet you react to me as if I tried to kill it,"  
"Why did you want to spend time with me in the first place?" she demanded, and Caspian was silent.  
"Do not lie to me," she said again, and this time he was ready. This is it.

"In case you haven't noticed, I am fond of you," he said to her, his tone was as hers was; firm, demanding. "And even that would be an understatement; fond is for dogs," he said. "I want to be with you,"  
"You are lying to me again," she said.  
"How can you say such things?"  
"Because there is no way that is true," she answered. "Don't play with me, your majesty, please. I've been played around enough in my past, I do not need the king to do it, too,"  
"I am not playing with you," he said as he pulled her even closer. "I find myself in want of you, in need of you. To be around you every time of every day, every day,"  
"You cannot be with me, my king,"

And he stared at her.  
"Don't say that," he said, and at that Susan silenced.

He was in love with her.  
"I don't deserve your love,"  
"I don't think anyone else might deserve it more than you," he said.

And then Susan managed to stifle a laugh. "Do you use this line on every girl you've promised your love upon?" she asked, not caring if she had offended her or not. Caspian was silent. "It will not work on me," she said. Caspian then stared at her, suddenly silent and for a moment, it looked like he was out of words. So when what he said next came out of his mouth, Susan did not see it coming.

"Do you take me for being such a man?" he asked, and that hit her.  
He said that once in the woods when they first met, and Susan suddenly remembered everything so vividly.  
"You cannot fall in love with me," she said then. "Not with me," she shook her head.

"Why can't you believe it?" he asked, desperate for her to believe.  
"Because this," she gestured to the both of them, "is impossible. You are the king,"  
"So what if I am? Everyone is allowed and deserves to love and be loved, you and I are no different,"  
"Not everyone," Susan said, her stare blank and her voice eerie. "A man like you should not fall for a woman like me," she said. "I have sins and dark pasts and although I regret them, I am still flawed,"  
Caspian then thought to himself, wandering about her past. What exactly happened? He could see that she was hurt from it, and then he made a promise to himself that he would stitch her scars.  
"As I am,"  
"I don't deserve a man like you, my king," she said.  
"As I don't, a woman of your beauty, intelligence and heart," he said. "But I find myself in agony every time I am not with you. You intrigue me,"  
"Oh my lord, don't make this harder than it already is," she said, and he was leaning in. Their lips were merely an inch or less from each other, and their conversation turned to whispers only they can hear.  
"It doesn't have to be," he said. "Just tell me what you feel,"  
And Susan silenced. She looked to her right again, avoiding his eyes.  
"Now I don't know what my feelings are exactly yet," he said. "But I find myself longing for your presence beside me. My mind thinks about you non-stop and it aches me when I think of you and you are not there. I may be wrong, but I can't help but hope that you feel the same way about me," he said. "Do you?"

Susan did not answer him. She stood there, his arms around her waist and she looked to her right.

"Tell me you don't feel anything," he said. "And I'll never bother you again,"

Susan then silenced.  
She did not know what to answer.  
If she told him that she didn't feel anything, she would be the biggest liar in Narnia. But then again, isn't she already is? And if she told him that she did feel something, he would be encouraged.  
He cannot fall in love with her. No. She won't allow it. She doesn't deserve it. Especially from him; the king of Narnia. He had saved her life.  
But then she looked at him and he was serious.  
He was starting to make her believe that maybe, just maybe, Aslan was allowing love into her heart again. She had spent years believing that she was damned of love; never to taste it again for what she did. For years she was cold and lonely, and she had accepted the terms, too. But now here he stands, Caspian, stating his love for her, true and pure. She started to believe that the lion actually gave her a second chance.  
There was something about him that made her believe everything again. She had spent so much years being bitter and pessimistic of herself; pessimistic of forgiveness. And he is making her believe again.  
And so she eased and started to let her feelings speak for themselves.

"Tell me you hate me, and I will disappear," he said again, his voice in whispers begging for her to answer. She exhaled and grinned as she closed her eyes. Who knows, maybe the lion is giving her a second chance.  
"I don't hate you," she smirked.

Caspian's eyes then lit up as he saw the smile on her lips

"Is this a yes to my offer for a dance?" he asked her.  
"Only if you are able to dance with an expert like me, my king," she said, and he laughed. She placed her hand on his as he pulled her closer and they swayed gently in her room.  
Caspian stared at her and she at him, not saying anything and she finally felt somewhat peaceful after all these years of feeling undeserving of any form of love.

"So you do not hate me?" he teased her, although underneath the irony he was seriously asking.  
"No," she continued. "But I don't love you either," she grinned.  
"Ouch," he said, and she just laughed.

"At least give me a not-yet," he said, and Susan looked at him for a second before answering.  
"I cannot promise anything, my lord," she said.  
Caspian then pulled his head further to get a good look at her, staring at her face, studying her expression. He was not able to pick out anything rather than honesty; and how contradictory it all looked; the way she technically rejected him while smiling. She confused him, she intrigued him.

"I will earn your love," he then said, determined. His enthusiasm scared her because she knew he was going to succeed.  
"I doubt you will be successful," she lied. "I'm a hard woman to get and a hard woman to be with," this she did not lie about.  
"I don't mind as long as it is you," he said again.  
Susan then silenced. "I warn you, your majesty," she looked straight into his eyes. "You shouldn't fall for me,"

Caspian quieted at her statement and he just looked at her.  
"I only ask that you listen to what you feel," he said. "I don't know what happened to you in your past, my lady," he continued, "but I know that I don't care now, nor will I ever care about it. I don't expect you to answer right away, but right now I am asking you the permission to court you," he said. Susan just looked at him, not speaking (nor breathing, in this case,).  
"You are allowed to do as you please, my king, you do not need my consent," she continued. "But don't expect too much out of it; I won't allow you to fall in love with me," she said. Caspian quieted. She was serious, and so was he.  
"I will win your love," he then said, triumphantly. Susan shook her head.  
"You can try as hard as you can," she said. "You will not succeed,"

He then only looked at her and wandered about what happened to her that made her so bitter about love. The idea of him loving her seemed to be an utter impossibility in her mind; and Caspian wandered why that is. He would ask her in the future though. But right now, there are more important matters.

"So I take it you are saying yes?" he asked.  
"Yes, I accept your efforts to court me," she said, and he smiled, "Although I cannot promise I will return it,"  
"That is all I am asking for," he said as he smiled and brought her hand to his chest.  
Susan rested her head on his shoulders, and he felt it was right. Susan felt the warmth of him radiated through her, so calmingly comforting. They stayed like that for a while, swaying to their right and left, enjoying the warm crackles of fire and the ambiance they had in her room.

"You're not going to avoid me anymore, are you?" he asked her.  
"No, your majesty," she grinned, her eyes closed and her head on his chest.  
"From now on, it's Caspian," he said to her.  
"Caspian," she repeated, the word tasted so delightfully strange on her tongue.  
"And I am Susan," she said to him, and he smiled although she did not see it.

"So do you like the necklace then?" he asked her, and she lifted her head and looked at him straight to his eyes.

"I love it,"

* * *

"I'm sorry I kept you from eating dinner punctually," he said. "You must be starving,"  
"Not starving enough to die," she said. "And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"  
Caspian smiled. "Right," he said as he pulled her chair for her to be seated and he then sat in his seat.  
"Now I don't know if you like seafood, but—"  
"I like seafood just fine," she said to him, assuring him that whatever dinner was, she was going to eat it. Susan was not hungry, but then again she was not full either. The weather that night was warm, and it was comfortable to be outside.  
The first course was brought in for them, and it was a light fish tar-tar with fresh cold salad as its side dish. Susan was delighted to see the dish in front of her; she was a big fan of light fish dishes.  
She cut into the fish slice and forked together with it some of the salad, and as it entered her mouth and interacted with her tongue, Susan smiled.  
"It's delicious," she said, smiling. She then sipped the wine that was beside her.  
"If you think this is good, wait for the main course," he said to her, and then placed the fork with food inside his mouth.  
"You're making me hungry now," she said truthfully, and he laughed. Caspian had noticed how Susan had opened up to him, but he wasn't so sure just yet. From experience, he knew she's unpredictable. But he doesn't care. She has given him permission to court her. If that wasn't a green light, what was?  
And then the both of them stayed silent, awkwardly poking through their food. It was awkward. Everything was inevitably awkward. The silence was awkward, the two of them having dinner was awkward, the situation was awkward. Everything was awkward, and both of them noticed that.  
"Your majesty," she then called him.  
"Yes?"  
There was a pause.

"I hope things would not be so stiff between us," she said. "You are courting me, and though I have not promised anything, I'd still want us to act as friends,"  
Her words silenced him, and for a minute, Caspian only looked at her.  
"I wish for the exact same thing," he said. "I'm sorry if what I said may make things a bit tense for us,"  
"They did not," she said. "But let's just start fresh,"  
"Let's," he smiled.  
Susan cleared her throat. "I was saying you're making me hungry," she grinned.

"There's more if you want seconds," he offered.  
"Oh no, please. I'm getting plump," she said, pinching her cheeks.  
"So what if you are? I don't care," he said to her, busily picking at his food.  
"It's not only your opinion that matters," she said.  
"I think it is," said he, and then he looked at her.

"I don't ever get the reason why a woman should be thin as a stick; she is a human, not a branch," he said.  
"Oh so you like bigger women, I see?" she said as she grinned.  
"I like a woman who celebrates her curves," he said. "I think it's sexy," Caspian grinned at his last word. Susan then raised her eyebrows and smirked. "I'm sorry, but I am under the impression that I am not voluptuous enough for you,"  
"I am fine with however voluptuous you choose to be," he said, poking through his food and forking a bite.

"You surprise me, sir," she then said. "Most men these days prefer skinny women,"  
"Yes, but I am not like most men, am I?" he asked, grinning and raising his eyebrows.  
"You certainly are not," she replied. "What of your taste in women? Tell me," she said.

Caspian then put down his fork and knife. "It really doesn't matter to me, be her voluptuous or skinny as a stick, as long as she is not suffering to achieve it," he said. "One's body is a gift from Aslan, and I respect it,"  
"Wise saying, my king,"  
"Caspian," he reminded her.  
"Right," she corrected herself. "Caspian,"

* * *

"Thank you for dinner," she said as the two of them approached her room.  
"I had a great time," she said, smiling.  
"The pleasure is mine," he said as he bowed down.  
And then there was an awkward silence between them. They smiled, but did not move. Did not know where or how to move from such a situation.  
"Would you mind taking me for a walk?" she then said, and Caspian was surprised at her request.  
He was delighted that she wanted to spend some extra time with him; at dinner they didn't really get the chance to really know each other. Dinner was still a bit tense from the scene in her bedroom and all. But this walk would be much more relaxed.  
"I'd love to," he said as he offered her his arm. Susan smiled and then took it.

The two of them walked at a slow pace, the corridors of the castle well lit with torches and soft lighting. The ambiance was attractively set, the quiet atmosphere surrounding them and nothing was near them except each other.  
The warm sound of her heel against the floor was all they heard.  
"Where would you like to go?" he asked her. Susan then smiled.  
"Wherever Juan Willan did not take me to," she answered. "I want to know your house,"

Caspian then nodded. "Perhaps you'd be interested in the library?"  
"I'd like that Caspian," she smiled at him.

He stared at her, slightly smiling. "I like it when you say my name," he said, and Susan silenced.

It was true that he noticed her opening up to him, not the usual stiff self she used to be. But he noticed, too, that every time he says something that was regarding to his affection for her, Susan silenced.  
She would suddenly be dead, stiff and tense at his words. Words such as this.

"There's something about your voice," he said. "Beautiful,"

Susan then shifted as she replied. "Maybe it is only your name that is well and good," she said. "My voice is a degrading media to pronounce it,"  
Caspian stared at her, wondering what happened to her that made her so wounded.  
"Why do you lower yourself so?" he asked her, and she only looked at him.  
"You do not know anything about me," she said.  
"Well I wouldn't if you wouldn't let me," he said. "There must be a reason for a beautiful woman such as yourself to degrade her own being,"  
"Really?" she laughed. "And what do you propose?" she asked him, her face amused.  
"One, you were bullied," he said, and she laughed. "Second, you were the bully," he said again.  
" If I hadn't known any better, I'd say you are a self-acclaimed know-it-all," she said as she grinned.  
"Or," he argued, "It could be that I am merely right," he said, and Susan laughed again.  
"So what happened?" he asked her.  
"Nothing happened," she answered, and despite the wide smile on her face, Caspian knew she was lying.  
"Okay, nothing happened," he said as he turned his head and looked straight ahead.

"It's not attractive on you at all,"  
Caspian then turned his head and looked at her, silently asking _what_ in his mind.  
"When you're an arrogant know-it-all," she said, smirking. Caspian's lips then curled upwards.  
"You find me attractive when I am stupid?" he asked.  
"You're not stupid," she said. "But it does take your charms away from you,"  
"When I am an arrogant know-it-all?"  
"Yes," she answered. "It annoys me,"  
"Or," he interrupted. "It could be the fact that I am right that annoys you," he argued as he laughed. "Am I right?"  
"Stop it," she playfully jabbed him on his arm and they continued walking.

"You find me attractive?" he asked suddenly, and Susan raised an eyebrow when she saw his smirk.  
"I don't want an ugly man courting me," she answered playfully. Caspian laughed.  
"So you do find me attractive then," he said.  
"I'd rather not correspond to your statement," she said, pretending to be serious.  
"Oh just admit it," he said then, letting go of her hand and placed his arm on her waist, pulling her to him.  
"Don't flatter yourself," she said in an amused expression as she raised her eyebrows and the right end of her lip curled upwards.  
"What is it about me that makes your heart beats fast?" he asked in grins. "Is it my eyes?"  
"Vanity will be the death of you, I tell you Caspian,"  
"Is it my hair?" he said as he playfully played with his hair and that made her laugh.  
"I'm surprised that my king is actually a woman at heart," she said.  
"Oh don't mock me," he answered."I'm simply trying to get a woman I like to tell me of her feelings," he said as they walked together in smiles, her waist in his arms.  
"Are you ever going to tell me?" he asked.  
"What makes you so confident that my heart beats fast about you?" she asked. "For all I know, it could be that nothing makes my heart do such a thing,"  
"Ah, but that is untrue, you see," he said. "If you felt nothing, you wouldn't have let me take you in my arms right now,"

Susan then walked to her side, letting herself go of his side-embrace. The two of them stopped as they stared at each other, amused.  
"See?" she said. "No problem with being parted,"  
"I don't see why you find such difficulties to express what you feel," he then said as he walked towards her.

Susan took a step backwards and she realized where she was.  
The corridor they were in was small, and no one was there. The window let in the light of the moon, and the torches lit around them; dimly flickering away their fires.  
He was close to her now, and he might not notice it by how he was still grinning. Susan still grinned valiantly; not afraid of how he was approaching her.  
"I do not experience such troubles," she then said. "I don't find you that attractive at all," she smirked.  
"You stab my heart, Susan," he tested her.  
"It is true," she said. "And I am not the type of woman who regularly expresses what she feels," she said.  
"You do not know how?" he asked.  
"No, I don't," she said, and Caspian placed his hands on her waist as Susan put her hands on his arms.  
"Show me how," she said, the smirk was in her face and Caspian stared at her, unbelieving.  
He then grinned as he slid his hands to hers.

"Well for example," he said. "Your hands," he said as he kissed them. "I'll never tire of kissing these hands," and Susan just looked as he kissed her hands, and traced his lips upwards to her arm.  
"Your eyes," he said. "I find myself more alive every time I look at them," and Susan grinned. Caspian kissed her eyelids as they close.  
"And your lips," he said, tracing his fingers on them.  
Susan looked at him and he looked at her, his eyes flickering to her lips and how creamy they seemed. He wanted to kiss her, their faces merely inches away from another. But Caspian held his ground, did not move closer nor further away from her.  
The smile on her lips were gone now, and he could feel her tensing under his touch.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly, backing away from him.  
Caspian and her was now parted, and she was walking away.

"It's alright," he said, looking at her. She did not face him; her back was to him but if he could see the expression on her face, he would see that Susan was actually nervous. She just was not ready yet for these kinds of things. It was as if something clicked inside her mind and everything turned around.  
"No, I am sorry," he said to her, walking up to close the distance between them.  
"Shall we just-" she paused, "continue our walk?"

Caspian looked at her. At least she wanted to continue.

"Let's go,"

* * *

**Hello so what did everyone think? Get ready for a little more eased Susan in the next chapters though! Any thoughts on what might be haunting her in the past? Please review and tell me what you think, people! **


	8. Chapter 8

Late Night Conversations

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few of my OCs.**

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! I know how badly I've behaved, not updating in the longest of times! But no worries, I'll definitely be updating a lot more now. A short chapter I know, but more to come. Enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think :) **

* * *

"It's so beautiful," she said, gazing through the air in the room. Her lips were curled into an animated smile, and he only looked at her, smiling as well. She day-dreamily traced her fingers onto the furniture, feeling their textures. She walked in a slow pace around the room.

"I used to spend so much time here as a boy," he said, his hands on his sides. He reminisced about his childhood, and Susan turned around, smiling: expecting a happy one. When she saw the dead expression in his face, Susan's smile faded away, too.

"Tell me what it was like," she said to him.  
"What?"  
"Growing up as the crown prince," she looked at him, and Caspian walked towards the large sofa on the seating area. Susan followed him, and the two of them sat there, in the dark.  
The fire was lit, although that did not do much for the purpose of lighting; the radiance of the fire hovered only around the magnificent fireplace. The rest of the room was dark; flickers of fire and cracks of the wood accompanied the two people inside it, silent and quieting for the story that was about to be told.

"Well there's not really much to tell," he started off.  
"Liar," she said and he laughed because what she said was true.  
"Why don't you ask me what you want to know," he said, his back resting on the back of the sofa and she faced him, also resting her back.  
"That'd seem nosy," she said.  
"Don't feel that way, I am courting you, so you have a right to know a little more about me," he answered her. She somewhat smiled but sat still nonetheless, not saying a word and like the way she is usually after he had shown some effort to get closer to her; furthering away.

"My father was killed by my uncle, but I suppose you knew that, right?" he said, looking at her.  
"I'm sorry, Caspian," she answered him.  
"No, don't be," he paused. "Everything happens for a reason, and now I know why Aslan decided to take him from me," he looked at her, and he smiled.  
"I believe that," she said.

"Well what about you?" he asked. "What of your father?"  
Susan did not move an inch at the mention of her parent.  
"I've never met my family," she said. "I spent most of my years in Lantern Waste with the people there,"  
"Lantern Waste?" he asked.  
"Yes,"  
"What were you doing in the woods then? It is far from where you live," he said. Susan shrugged before answering. She looked into the fire, stared at the burning logs of wood and the way it flickered against the dark night.  
"One day I just…" she paused. "Decided to leave,"  
Caspian looked at her and reflected on her choice. He credited her in his heart.  
"You are a brave woman,"  
"I'd like to be," she answered him.  
"And in the woods, where did you reside in?" he asked.  
"I did not have a resident," she said. "Only in Lantern Waste,"  
"And you have no trace of your family?"  
"No,"  
He then smiled warmingly at her. "You are now a permanent resident of the castle, no need to worry about these things anymore,"  
"Permanent?" she looked confused.  
"Well, you are allowed to go visit Lantern Waste again of course, but otherwise, yes,"  
"I don't think so," she said. "The only reason I even have a residence here is because you are courting me, what about when you are not courting me anymore?"  
"Well that just makes it easier, doesn't it? If we marry then I can't have the queen not present in the castle," he added casually.  
Susan stilled at his words. She went silent, like always; not knowing what to say to him to somehow steer the conversation away from the subject now.  
"I cannot be your queen," she said, her voice dead, her eyes dead although she managed a small purse of her lips. Caspian leaned in closer.  
"Why can't you?" he asked her.  
Susan put some distance between the two of them; she rested her back on the sofa; a small gesture which may seem insignificant but it was obvious that she was doing it to further herself away.  
"What made you want to court me in the first place?" she asked. "You've only known me not more than a week. Don't I seem fishy? A woman alone in the woods,"  
"Fishy?" he laughed. "I find it interesting,"  
"Interesting?" she raised her eyebrows.  
"You intrigue me," he said to her, smiling. "There's something about you," he trailed off.  
Susan laughed. "Really?" she said.  
"Mm hmm," he was serious. "I think of you and it drives me mad," he leaned in. Susan was cornered.  
"Well I think," she paused. "I think you are simply caught in the moment,"  
Caspian leaned back.  
"Let's see it for ourselves," she said again. "When you tire of me, I will then return to my old conditions. You will kick me out of this castle. So no, I do not agree when you say my stay is permanent. I am a favor of you, but I think that is all I ever will be. A mere favor,"

"Do you always degrade yourself?"

Susan did not answer, rather she looked at him.  
"You should not, Susan. For I do not think anyone will think of you so unworthy,"  
She did not move.  
"What of your mother?" she asked him. Caspian smiled in remembrance.  
"I love her so," he started, and she smiled.  
"Never have I found such a lady in my entire life. I did not know her very well, but I'd like to," he said. And then Caspian averted his gaze to the fireplace.  
"But as I've said, everything happens for a reason. And even though I don't know the reason yet, I am sure Aslan will guide me through it,"

Susan silenced.  
"You really believe in Aslan?"

Caspian looked back to her.  
"How can I not?" he asked, "He saved me,"

Susan did not look back at him although she knew his gaze was on her.  
"What?" he asked her.  
"Tell me," he said again. She only smiled as she shook her head.  
"I am tired," she said to him. Caspian looked at her for a second more before responding.  
"Well then we should head back, it is getting late," he said to her.

Both of them then stood up and they walked to their rooms. The dark corridors were dimly lit by the torches on the walls, and the silence that grew between them added to the eeriness.

"You don't believe in Him?" his voice was gentle upon the warmth yellow of the torches. Susan turned her head.  
"What do you mean?"  
He smiled, "Aslan,"

Upon hearing His name, Susan looked straight ahead as she smirked. She seemed to be thinking to herself for a moment: pausing before stating her answer.  
"Does it matter?" she asked.  
Caspian laughed, "What's the matter? You don't?" he asked back.  
"Why does my belief bother you, Caspian?" she answered with a question.  
"It does not," he stated, "But I would like to know why," he said.  
"Why what?"  
"Why you do not believe in Him," he said, "You have not seen Him?"  
"Who said I do not believe in Him?" she grinned.  
"You do?"  
"Do I?"  
Caspian laughed, "You're very peculiar, Susan," he said.  
"Well you're going to have to get used to it," she said back.  
"So you won't tell me?" he asked again, trying to get a clear answer.  
"Not tonight," Susan answered. Caspian sighed; a sign of him letting this go. For now, at least.

"Oh I almost forgot," he said.  
"What?"  
Caspian looked at her, trying hard to not scare her with his next statement.  
"Since you have agreed on courtship, tomorrow we're going to do something," he said.  
Susan was not sure. "What do you mean?" she asked back.  
"Oh you don't have to do anything, just try to get up early. I know you're still feeling unwell but-"  
"I always wake up early, Caspian. What do you need me for?"

He grinned. "You'll see,"  
She thought to herself in her mind of all the possibilities. All of which she did not like.

"If you think I will agree to consummate a courtship with you, Caspian, I'm not that stupid,"

He looked at her as he laughed.  
"You are the most absurd human being that has ever lived. You know that?" he said. Susan did not answer.  
"Of course not, Susan. I am a gentleman, after all. Besides, courtships are not consummated. You'll have to wait until we get married to do so,"  
"What makes you think I will marry you?" she was challenging him. Caspian smiled.  
"You will not?" he asked back, and the smile on Susan's face slowly faded away. He saw her smile disappeared, and then his expression turned blank, too.

"Susan?" he stopped his steps.  
"Are you alright?" he asked her, they were in front of her room now.

"I cannot marry you," she said, her voice was a whisper and her eyes staring into blankness.

Caspian did not say anything. And as she turned her body to enter her room, he only stared without saying a word.


	9. A Formal Permission

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs.  
**

**Author's Note: Firstly, thanks for everyone who's been reviewing! This chapter's up, enjoy! **

* * *

She loved being awaken by the Narnian morning sun, although she did not feel like waking up just yet. Susan was never a heavy sleeper, but right now she was just tired. Her mind was on constant on mode, thinking of how she would get out of the castle. Agreeing to the courtship was a stupid decision. She now realized that.  
She would have to find a way to get out. And soon. She had always thought of herself as a woman with principles, but then again this was the king she was dealing with.

'So what?' she said to herself. So what if he was the king? He's still a man. And she had promised herself to stay away from all kinds of relationships like these. She doesn't deserve to be loved. And she could not afford to be noticed. The fact that Caspian was king only gave her that much more reason to avoid being with him, avoid being seen with him by the people, let alone be his queen.  
His queen.  
A queen?  
'Stupid woman,' she thought to herself. She could never be queen. A woman who had done so many unworthy things in this life couldn't possibly accept that title and privilege. She knew she couldn't marry him. And only then did she remember what she said to him last night.  
She really meant that. And Susan knew Caspian was taken aback by her words. But in her mind, she was not even trying to believe that he was actually courting her.

'Oh don't be stupid Susan he probably courts every woman he has seen naked,'  
And that hit her. In the lagoon.. He couldn't have possibly saw her naked…could he?  
'This is unnerving,' she said. And then she got up and bathed. Cold water was not her usual preference but she needed to be fresh to start fresh. When she got up from the tub her skin was cold and the morning air didn't help either.  
She picked a dress from her closet and put it on, feeling the fine silk on her skin and wondering why was he so kind to her. He had only met her not a week ago yet he was already courting her, providing her with all kinds of luxurious things. She wondered to herself and she did not like the answers. Or it could be that she already knew the real answer yet refused to acknowledge it.

"Lady Susan?" Willan's voice was heard over the bedroom door. Susan got up from the vanity as she tuck in the last piece of sunflower pin into her hair and opened the door.  
"Ah, Sir Willan, good morning," she greeted him.  
"Pardon me for interrupting you so early in the morning, milady," he said as he bowed.  
"Please, no use for such formalities. And I've been up for a while now, the king has instructed me to wake up early," she said.  
"Yes, well speaking of the king," he said, "he is waiting for you in the throne room,"  
Susan thought to herself, "The throne room?" she asked.  
"Yes," Willan answered, "Unless you are feeling for a bit of breakfa—"  
"No, no," she said, "I am fine,"  
Willan smiled, "Shall we, my lady?"  
"We shall," she said to him as she put her hand on his offered palm.

He was taken aback by her words. He was taken aback by her. Why was she like that? Caspian knew she was trying to pull herself away from him. But why? She was already opening up to him although not as much as he'd like her to be, but still. She was finally beginning to warm up to him and his efforts to be close with her, but then once again, she surprised him by saying such things. She couldn't marry him? What does that mean? Why couldn't she?  
Caspian adjusted his position in the throne he was sitting in.  
Why was she suddenly pulling herself away again? He had no idea. One minute she was A, then she was B the next. It was as if she wanted him to pull away. She wanted them to not work. But why? Was he not welcoming enough? Was he not kind enough? Caspian thought to himself. What could possibly make her be like this? Was it him? Was it her?  
He touched his palm to the bridge in his nose. She was confusing him.  
But that wouldn't be a problem. He had promised to himself and to her. Whatever it is, he would win her over.  
He would.  
Caspian was positive of what he was feeling towards the lady. Strange, he knew. They'd only met not more than a week ago, yet he found himself desperately wanting to be with her. But he didn't care. He wanted to be with her.

"The Lady Susan Pevensie, Your Majesty," the guards said as the door to the throne room opened. Caspian looked up and smiled as he saw the figure he had been waiting for.  
She was so beautiful. Her pale skin was a nice contrast to the deep yellow dress she was wearing, the warm brown of her waves intertwining with the sun-shaped pins she had in her hair. Her lips, bright red as they are. She was perfect to him. As her figure entered the throne room, Caspian stood up. The two of them stopped below the staircase.

"Your majesty," Willan, whom he did not recognize was there, bowed to his king with a smirk on her face.  
"Good morning," Caspian greeted him. Susan stood a good 3 meters behind the knight, admiring the details of the throne room.  
"I am instructed to tell you by Giany that breakfast is waiting for you in the dining hall," Willan said again.  
"I thank you," Caspian said, "And what of the reports on Lantern Waste?"  
That turned her head.  
"I shall ready it for you at once, Your Majesty," he said. "If you are not in further need of me, I shall be leaving," he said as he bowed and grinned. Caspian smiled back also.  
As the high knight left, Susan was there alone with him. There was no one else in the room besides them. She looked at him for a moment before realizing something.  
He had never seen him so magnificent. He wore his crown, and his royal attire and his dark hair which was left loose hanging to his shoulders, and behind him was the glorious throne of Narnia, so regally sitting there waiting to be seated upon. There were two seats, one where he was sitting and next to him an empty throne, made of the same stone and same decorations. He was smiling and standing the way he usually stood; tall and proud yet his face showed no pride and arrogance.  
Susan realized her place and looked down abruptly.  
"Your majesty," she said as she lowered her body.  
Caspian laughed. "There is no use for such formalities," he said to her. Susan did not look up.  
"Come," he said, gesturing his hand for her to come closer.  
"You summoned for me?" she said, ignoring his plea to come closer.  
"What do you need me for?" she asked again, and Caspian grinned.  
"I'm sorry to make you wake up so early," he said, "but this is tradition, you see," he said.  
"What is?" she said.  
"In order to show you, I need you to come here," he said to her, teasing.  
"I am good where I am,"  
"Oh why must you so difficult in this, woman?" he said as he laughed. "I can't make you fall in love with me if you won't come near me," he said.  
Susan did not reply. She looked at him again before finally deciding to move. She took a step, and before she knew it she was right before the staircase in front of him. He was atop the staircase, standing on the top level where his throne sat, and he was waiting for her. Susan suddenly remembered what Willan had said about the stairs.

_"Well how can he pick when each and every one of them stops at the stairs? Must be at least three meters away from him," Susan said.  
"It is an unwritten tradition, you see," Willan explained. "The only woman ever to grace a king of Narnia's side at the throne is always his pick, like lady Prunaprismia in Miraz's reign," he explained.  
"Their wives?"  
"Their chosen," Willan corrected._

She stopped and did not move. Caspian knew she was not going to in the near future, so he decided it was up to him.

"Do I have to come over there and get you myself?" he asked, laughing.  
"What do you want me to do?" she said sheepishly.  
"I need you to come here," he answered her.  
She once again remembered what Willan had said.  
"I don't think that is necessary," she said, "Besides, I don't have the honor yet,"  
Caspian was confused. "Honor?" he asked, "What honor?" he cringed his forehead.  
"You know what," she answered.  
"Oh will you just come here?" he said, "Please?"

Susan did not move. "No," she said.  
"What must I do to make you agree?" he asked her.  
"I am not a woman of easy bargaining, dear king," she answered.  
"So I see," he said. Caspian then thought to himself as they both locked eyes on each other.  
"But really must we speak in this manner? I am courting you after all," he said, gesturing to the space between them.  
"I am perfectly accepting of this positioning," she said.  
"Well I am not," he answered, "I'm not going to speak down to the woman I am courting now, am I?" he said as he started to walk to her.  
Susan only looked as he closed the distance between them.  
"Good morning," he said as he stopped in front of her.  
"Go back to your seat," she said, her expression dead and uninterested. Caspian laughed.  
"Not really a morning person, are we?" he said.  
"I am," she said, "You, on the other hand, is too happy for mornings,"  
"Says the woman who is dressed in bright yellow and sunshine pins," he said.  
"How I dress is my concern, not yours,"  
He realized it all. She was being bitter to him, extremely, in fact. But that was not enough to tear him down.  
"I really wish you would stop being so bitter to me, Susan. I've already said to you that I will win your love,"  
"And I have stated to you that I doubt you will be successful," she said.  
"Yes and why is that? Is it my face? Is it too kind?" he cringed his nose, "Or is it my hair? Not enough barbaric, is it?" he caressed his own hair.  
"You disgust me," she said and they only looked at each other. Susan then laughed. Her first happy expression this morning.

"Took you long enough to laugh," Caspian said as he took her hand and kissed the back of her palm.  
"Why is your hand so cold?" he asked as he furrowed his eyebrows.  
"I had a cold bath this morning," she said.  
"The water was not warmed for you?" he asked as he played with her palms.  
"No, no. I requested it," she said. "You should try it sometimes, it's very refreshing," she said again.  
"I don't really bathe in warm waters," he said, "I prefer cold ones,"  
"As I do, at times," she replied.  
"Now that this is settled, will you please answer something for me?" he asked.  
"What?"

"What is this tradition that you talked about?" he smirked.  
"Oh don't pretend like you don't know," she said.  
"I really don't," he said. "Tell me,"  
Susan only sighed. Caspian knew. He was just teasing her.

"I am not supposed to go across the stairs," she said, "I'm not yet your chosen," she was the one teasing him now.  
"Are you not?" he asked, smirking.  
"What do you need me for, really?" she asked him.

"Well what I need you for requires you to step over the stairs," he said, "Would you be so kind as to do this with me?"  
"I'm sorry. No," she answered, and that was final. He looked at her and finally gave in.  
"You've agreed to courtship Susan, if you're not going to do this today you're going to have to do this eventually," he said.  
"Do what, exactly Caspian?" she asked, confused.  
"You need to come over the stairs," he answered. Susan did not move, and he knew she wasn't going to anytime soon.  
"Fine," he said, "How about a little breakfast first?"  
"No need. You have your duties and troubles to solve," she said, and that confused him. She was doing it again: confusing him.  
"Now, if you'll excuse me, dear King, I must be off," she said as she bowed and back off. He was once again taken aback by her words. And he had wanted to ask her about what she meant last night, too. But that would have to wait. For now, he would let her go.

* * *

Susan woke up and it was dark already. She fell asleep right after she entered her chamber after her conversation with Caspian in the throne room, and woke up just now, a good half-day later. It was 8 in the evening; the sky was dark and the air was beginning to feel cold. How could she fall asleep after only waking up for an hour or so? She didn't know. Maybe she was more tired than she thought she was. And she did not care, either. She sat up, and got to thinking.  
She knew she had agreed upon courtship, but right now she was starting to regret it.  
"What the hell were you thinking Susan, agreeing to him courting you?" she was angry at herself. "Stupid," she muttered as she walked over to sit on the bed.  
What was she thinking, seriously? She did not even know.  
She was stupid. She had been stupid, yes. That was why she had agreed to give him her consent in the first place. And what is with all the efforts to win her? In her mind, Caspian couldn't have been serious about taking interest in her. He just couldn't. He was playing. That's right. That is the only reasonable explanation.  
She yawned and placed the back of her palm to her neck and it was hot.  
Then she decided on a bath. A cold one, as usual was her preference. She needed to clear her mind, and somehow warm waters sounds as if they would just blur everything. After she dried herself, she picked a dress, which was navy in color, and she put it on. She pinned her hair into a bun just beside her ear.  
And then she began to think about whether or not she would be coming to dinner.  
"What exactly are you doing, Susan," it was not really a question, rather a statement stating how stupid she was being, not for avoiding Caspian, but for agreeing to the courtship in the first place. And she had promised him that she was not going to avoid him anymore, where is that promise now? She disliked herself for not keeping her words.  
Susan stood up from her vanity and walked to the fireplace, trying to light it.  
Then a knock was heard on her door.  
"Lady Susan?" It was Giany, "Dinner is ready for you," she said.  
Susan looked at the still-closed door and thought to herself before answering.  
"Will you come down and eat, milady?" the maid asked again.  
Susan hurriedly walked to the door and opened it.  
"Good evening, Giany," she greeted her.  
"Good evening, milady," she answered, "now come, your soup's getting cold,"  
"Ah, will the king be dining with me?" Susan asked, her voice just a little over a whisper. The maid looked at her and grinned.  
"Yes, milady," she answered. Susan did not move.  
"Please tell the king I'm not feeling very well," she said. At that, Giany's smile turned upside down.  
"You're not going to dinner?" she asked.  
"No," Susan replied, "Please send my apologies to the king," she said.  
The maid studied her expression before finally turning to leave.  
"Very well then," she said, "I'll bring you your dinner here,"  
"Thank you," Susan said as she smiled and closed the door. Then she sat on the armchair and began to catch up on her reading. She was not aware that Giany knew something was not right.

* * *

"Your majesty," she said as she approached him and Caspian looked up with a smile on his face. When he saw Susan was not there, he merely looked down again.  
"She's not coming? Yes, I knew it," he said quietly.  
"The Lady Susan has refused to come, she told me she was not feeling very well,"  
Caspian did not lift his eyes from the plates in front of him, "Thank you, Giany. You may bring her her food,"  
The maid looked at her king who was clearly upset. Then she put her hands on her hips.  
"What exactly did you do to her?" she asked. A confused Caspian looked up to her as he grinned.  
"I didn't do anything, ma'am," he answered, "she doesn't want to come out because she is unwell, that's all," he said again, and inside his mind Caspian laughed at how poorly he was lying.  
Giany paused before replying.  
"Well my king," she said, "best to give it all you got if you want a lady like her, she's avoiding the king. Now that's not a very positive sign of you getting her anytime soon," she said. "I'll just go bring her her dinner then,"  
"Wish me luck," Caspian said as she left.  
"I know, you'll need it,"  
And he laughed in agreement.  
Even she knew Susan was avoiding him. Why is she doing this? He doesn't know. But as he promised, he would find out.

* * *

Susan barely touched her food. She was not really hungry, but she has been cooped up in her room for quite some time, and all she longed for was a walk. She decided to take one alone.  
Susan opened her bedroom door, knowing that Caspian must be asleep for it must have been at least 3 hours since she woke up. She stepped outside and began her descent through the corridors, exiting the royal chambers and giving the occasional nod to the guards she passed by. The night air filled the stone-walled halls, and it made her shiver. She regretted why she didn't bring a shawl. She started to recognize some rooms, like the library and the family room, but she was in need of a walk, not another chance to sit down. She walked past through the big doors of the library and the kitchen and the family room, all without pausing for a step.

And then she noticed something. The painting of him and Rorkan, his pet eagle. Caspian in the painting stood so proudly, tall and handsome.  
_Handsome?_ she asked herself. Oh, handsome didn't even do him a tiny bit of justice. He was so much more than just handsome. He was everything she had ever imagined; he was being so kind to her, and patient as ever with her, never giving up up to this point about courting her, even though she was avoiding him and she could only hope that he hadn't notice. He had saved her life. He was a breath of fresh air; a new chance given to her.  
But no matter what he is or what she thinks he is, she could never be with her.  
And she knew that.  
Susan looked at the door which stood on the painting's right side, a room which she had been in only this morning. What did he want to show her? Scratch that. Whatever it is, she didn't want to know. Knowing would only make it worse. And she had been wrong to accept the courtship, she knew that. Now it is up to her to just repel every effort he will try. And she must succeed.

Susan started to walk past it, but then she stopped. She had a look at the door once again, and then she walked back, placed her palms on the doors and slightly pushed it open.  
From the small opening, she knew there were candles lit which made it very warm in dim yellow and orange. Susan stepped inside.  
And then she was frozen by shock, which she knew she could not show.  
Caspian turned his head and looked who it was at the door. He immediately grinned and put down the scroll he had been reading. He stood at the top of the stairs, in front of his throne. When he saw Susan was there, his eyes lit up.  
"Are you feeling better?" he asked her.  
"Pardon me?" Susan asked back, careful with her words not to show too much attachment.  
"You were feeling unwell at dinner," he remarked.  
"Oh yes," she said, "I was,"  
Both of them didn't say anything for a few seconds. Susan searched her mind, figuring out ways to tell him goodnight and be off. How stupid she was for stepping inside this room.  
"Come," he said to her, gesturing his hands.  
"I'd rather not, Caspian," she replied him.  
"What are you doing here alone in the night?" she asked him, "Shouldn't you be asleep?"  
Caspian laughed. "I was reading this tax report, I needed some time alone," he answered, "I should be asking you that question. Why are you here?"  
"I was in need of a walk," she answered.  
"Oh here, I'll go with—"  
"No,"

Her answer was blunt and abrupt. His smile eventually calmed into a smirk.  
"You know, Susan," he started, "If you won't come here, you're going to have to meet me in this room every day until you do," he said.  
"Why must I come to you? Why can't you come to me?" she asked, and she felt stupid. What kind of question is that? Caspian stared at her.  
"Alright," he said as he put down the scroll and walked to her. Susan braced herself as she saw how he walked to her; determined and fast. She thought of running away but that would make her a complete idiot. So she planted her feet as steady as possible to the ground.  
He was right in front of her now, his face was serious. Susan was afraid.  
"What are you going to do to me?" she asked him, challenging although the quiver in her voice was betraying her.  
Caspian only stared at her, studying her features. Suddenly he put her arms behind her and lifted her up from the floor. Susan screamed in shock but she held on to his shoulders tight.  
"What are you doing Caspian!" she shouted, half-laughing.  
"I'm coming to you," he answered. He walked to the throne and climbed the first step.  
"Please stop please! Put me down," she said.  
"No," he said.  
"Please, Caspian," she pleaded. Caspian did not answer. When he reached the top of the stairs, he finally put her down on her feet, then he walked down the stairs. Caspian turned to face her.  
"Lady Susan," he said as he bowed. "I am here to state that I am taking interest in you. Am I allowed this fascination?" he asked her. Susan did not answer.  
"I am formally asking the permission to court you," he said, "You said you doubt me being successful to earn your love, well I say this: I promise I will. Whatever it takes, I will earn your love. However you try to repel me I will not give up on us," he said to her. Susan did not reply.  
"Thank you," she answered, "But please take note that you shouldn't be so headstrong, my king," she said.  
"And I am telling you that I will still be, even after you say this," he said. The two of them silenced for a moment.  
"So am I allowed this fascination?" he repeated his question.

"I am not in control of what you fancy," she said.  
"I'll take that as a yes," he said.  
Caspian then walked up the stairs and wrapped his hand around her waist.  
Susan avoided his embrace and walked towards the two seats of the throne. Caspian stared at her back as he approached her once again.  
"Susan," he said, and when she turned around, Susan was shocked by how close he was. But right behind her was the throne, she couldn't move.  
Caspian leaned in. She, in return, leaned back and without her realizing it, Susan was seated in the throne.  
He placed his right hand on Susan's left, barricading her from running away.  
"You're avoiding me again," he said.  
She stared into his eyes and eased.

"I have to,"  
"No, you don't," he answered.  
"Yes, I do," she said to him.  
"I wish you'd stop," he said.  
"I won't," she answered him, his face a mere inch away from her now.  
"I don't care," he said, and his lips delved into hers. Susan was tense. But she forgot all about avoiding him, about the reasons why they shouldn't be together, the reasons why she had left her home in the first place. She forgot all about her secrets and facts he shouldn't know about, a past that's affecting her present.  
She forgot all about it, and as his palm touched the side of her neck and brought her closer to him, Susan eased.  
She was angry at herself for letting this happen, but she couldn't bring it in herself to stop. He tasted so delicious, his creamy lips and warm skin, hot tongue and soft hair. Yes, he was everything she could have ever imagined.  
And that's exactly why she won't allow him to be with her.

* * *

**Please tell me what you think :) And I am suspending Susan's secret, but don't worry, it's coming out soon. Review, please :)**


	10. She Called It Home Once

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs. **

**Author's note: Thanks for everyone who's been reviewing! :) Happy reading!  
**

* * *

He inhaled her scent and for a second, pulled away although his lips did not leave her skin. Susan just gave in. In her mind, she was screaming at herself of how wrong this is, but she could not bring herself to get out of his embrace.  
Until she did.

"No, this is wrong," she said suddenly as she got up from the throne she was in. Caspian turned to saw her step down the stairs and stood there. He dwelled on her words and was confused.  
"What is?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't see anything wrong with this,"  
"You shouldn't kiss me," she said abruptly, covering her lips with her fingers. Caspian stared at her.  
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked, challenging her, "I am courting you after all,"  
Susan stood there, her back to him.  
"I'm not good enough for you," her voice cut through him.  
Caspian didn't say anything, he was thinking. Endless thoughts on why was she like this, what could have possibly shaken her so? He didn't know.

"Do you know why I'm courting you, Susan?" he asked.  
"Enlighten me," she said, her voice shaky and she still stood with her back to him. He did not say anything at first.

"You're very humble, for one," he said as he descended down the stairs.  
"And you're not in this for the money, that I can be sure of," he said again.  
"And there is something about you," he paused to think, "It's everything about you, I guess. How I found you, how you talk, how we met, how you react to what I say," he said.  
He stepped in front of her, their bodies inches away from one another.

"You want to know what I think is the reason you're courting me?" she said.  
"What?" he couldn't read her expression. Susan looked into his eyes, slightly doubting if she should say what she's about to say.

"It is because you have seen me naked," she said again. Caspian didn't move.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked her. Susan looked to the floor.  
"I do," she lied. Even she knew that.

"When will you ever learn that I am genuinely fond of you? Not for your body. For you," he said. Susan did not answer. She didn't move, either. He was beginning to feel desperate that she was never going to accept that they were actually in the process of courtship. Was she ever going to realize that?

"Let's just.." he paused, "Call it a night. Okay?" he said as he turned around, readying himself to leave the throne room.

"Caspian," she called him. The man turned around, expecting what she was going to say to him.

"I'm going back to Lantern Waste tomorrow," she said to him.  
Caspian only looked at her, not knowing what to feel.  
He then left.

* * *

"I trust you will be back in time for the king's birthday?" Giany asked her as she helped Susan pack.  
"The king's birthday?" she asked.  
"Yes, it's.." she counted on her head, "two weeks from now," Giany said.  
"The castle will hold a celebration?"  
"Oh yes, every year. The king himself don't want a big party but it's a great way to socialize. The entire kingdom's invited, you know,"  
"All the people?" Susan asked.  
"Aye, even the commoner. Everyone's happy when the king's celebrating his birthday," Giany said again.  
Susan thought to herself as she silenced. It's true once she saw her neighbors go off to the castle to celebrate Caspian's birthday. It was just that nobody told her.

"You'll be here, right?" Giany asked her when she saw Susan pausing. She woke up from her thoughts as she continued to fold the clothes she came in.  
"Depends," she said.  
"But you will come back, right?" Giany asked, confirming. That silenced Susan once again. Will she?

"Depends," she repeated her answer. The maid stopped her doing when Susan answered her like that.  
"My lady," she started, "The king is really taking interest in you,"  
"What, if the king takes interest in me suddenly I have to reciprocate?"  
"Nobody expects you to return the king's feelings. Not even the king,"  
"Ah, see but what will everyone think of me when I reject him? He has shared with me his home, saved me from death, given me clothing and food and even jewelry. How shall I reject him if, of course, one day I decide to? Will I not be a complete gold-digging subject of a being?" she said, almost to herself.  
"His majesty is not like that," Giany answered.  
"Oh is he not?"  
"No, he isn't," she confirmed. "He will understand. Trust me, I've known him ever since he was a mere 7-year old boy," she said.  
Susan looked at the maid.  
"Well I need some time to think. That's why I'm going home," she said.  
"Very well then," Giany answered as they continued to pack.

"Giany, you may leave. I don't have that many things left, and I know you have a lot to do in the kitchen," she said, "Thank you for all you've done for me during my stay," she said.  
The maid looked at her before leaving.  
"I'll see you at the king's birthday party then," she said as she left. She will not.

She walked away from her bed and opened the drawer beside her vanity. She took out the jeweled box Caspian had given to her the other night, and she opened it. The necklace still sat there, waiting to be worn although she knew she wouldn't be wearing them anytime soon. Especially not in her home.  
Her home.  
Can one really call it home? By definition, Lantern Waste was not her home. More of a place of exile. And not a title made by herself, too. In her mind, Susan dreaded going back to Lantern Waste but she put the thought far on the back of her head. No matter how awful home was, staying in the castle would be much worse. She put the necklace back to the drawer and she closed it.  
"You're not bringing your necklace?" his voice surprised her. Susan looked to her door. He stood there, leaning on the wood and his hands folded in front of his chest.  
"I don't have a use for it at home," she replied.  
"It's yours nonetheless," he said. And then they silenced.

"I know you're angry at me," she said, her voice timid.  
Caspian looked at her. She stared back at him straight to his eyes, tried to read his expression but she failed. Caspian stood still, unmoving. He then looked to the ground before looking up again and walking to her.  
"I'm not angry," he said as he smiled. Susan eased.

"I want to thank you for everything you've done for me," Susan said. Caspian laughed.  
"Susan we're not saying permanent goodbyes, no need for such melancholy," he said.  
"Here," he handed her an envelope. "My birthday is in two weeks, and I can't have you not by my side," he said.  
"You're inviting me?" she asked.  
"Of course I'm inviting you," he said to her. "You'll come?" he asked.

"I will," she replied.

"Thank you," she said.  
"You're welcome. Now," he paused, "Weren't you leaving?" he smirked.  
"Eager, aren't we?" Susan asked as she put the jewelry box and the invitation into her bag.  
The two of them laughed as they left the room. Caspian carried her bag for her, and they made their way to the stable.  
The morning air was delightful, and the sun was gently radiating its warmth and shine to the rest of Narnia. Birds chirping and some guards went pass them on patrol, saying good morning to the king and to Susan. As they approached the carriage, he stopped her.

"You will be back, won't you?" he asked her once again. Susan silenced.  
"Of course," she lied. Caspian smiled.  
"Is this really necessary?" Susan asked, gesturing to the carriage. "I can go on horseback, you know," she said.  
"Lantern Waste is a good day's journey. I can't have you without protection," he said. "Be safe,"  
"I will,"

And then the two of them silenced.  
"Aren't you going to give me a kiss?" he grinned.  
"Whatever for?"  
"For remembrance, of course. You'll miss me," he said, grinning. Susan raised her eyebrows and nodded as she managed a smile. She looked at the man whom she had begun to know. A man who was courting her; the king of Narnia. A man whom she will never see again.

"Bye, Caspian," she said as she leaned in, and she stood on her toes as she touched her lips to his, before quickly pulling away. But then he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her lips. Susan was in shock and she put her hands on his arms, a gesture to make a distance between them. It didn't succeed. But then she finally eased and closed her eyes, feeling his lips on hers. As she felt him, Susan began to reflect on the man who had saved her life; the king of Narnia. He had been so kind to her. And he was a good man. She began to remember the way he laughed, the way he walks around tall and proud yet humble. She remembered the way he pulled her into an embrace, they way he led a dance and how he put on the necklace for her. She remembered how he read his book in the balcony with his pet eagle, how he maintained the ladies in the throne room that day, how he makes time to re-read tax reports in the middle of the night. How he talks to her, and how he looks at her, and how he kiss.  
Susan put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her for the first time. She intertwined her fingers in his hair, and reached out her toes even further to be closer to him. It was never enough, no closure of a distance was ever enough.

"Promise me you will come back," he said to her, his lips on her skin. Susan gritted her teeth at how she lied.  
"I promise," she said as she pulled him into an embrace. He touched her lips to her shoulder, kissing the skin there and feeling how cold it was. Susan inhaled his scent as much as she can, taking one last remembrance of him before she leaves.

She then got inside the carriage and he closed the door for her. As the carriage left, Caspian grinned at the thought that she was finally opening up to him. Susan on the other hand, only closed her eyes at the thought of never coming back. She would not come back.  
She promised.

* * *

"She's going where?" Willan asked his friend.  
"Lantern Waste. She has a home there," Caspian answered.  
"She's going back to her home?" Willan confirmed.  
"I need to give her some space, Willan," Caspian answered him.  
"Well she'll be here for your birthday though, right?" he asked the king.  
"Yes," Caspian answered, "I've given her the invitation,"

"How is it going with her, by the way? You've not been a good friend to me ever since she got here," Willan teased him and the two of them laughed.  
"Since when are you this needy?" Caspian asked him.  
"Seriously though, how is it going with her?" Willan asked, "Still cold as ice?"  
Caspian remembered their last kiss.  
"Definitely not ice," he said, "But I don't know," the king paused.  
"She confuses me. One minute she's this, and the next minute she's that," he said to his friend, "The one thing I can predict about her is her unpredictability,"  
"Maybe she's just intimidated by your status," Willan answered, "It's not easy being the favor of the king, many eyes are upon her," he said.  
"Yes but I haven't even made a formal courtship request," Caspian said, "Without that, I can't announce the courtship properly to the council and to the rest of Narnia,"  
"Yeah but now at least you know a soon-to-be; a legitimate reason to reject any offerings from other countries, like for example our lovely Alara of Calormen," Willan said.  
"Mmhmm," Caspian answered in agreement.  
"Well if she's coming back then I'm glad," the knight answered, "Now, for the less important matters, I have your majesty's daily letters from the Lone Islands and Archenland," he said as he gave Caspian a bundle of papers.  
"Thank you, Willan," Caspian said. As the knight left, Caspian opened the letters and started to read. But all he could think about was their last kiss.  
She was finally opening up to him. This made him so happy. Things would work out if only Susan was more accepting. And he got the feeling that that was going to be soon.

But he also has the feeling that their last kiss was just that. A _last_ kiss.  
Caspian shook his head from the thought as he began reading.

* * *

"Please stop here!" Susan yelled out to the coach, just outside of the woods.  
"Here, milady?" the driver asked, "But the king instructed me to drive you back home safely," he said.  
"I will be safe, don't worry," she said. Susan then opened the door of the carriage as the man behind it quickly run to open it for her. He offered his hand and Susan took it as she smiled.

"Now, carry on gentlemen, and you can assure the king that I will be safe," she said.  
"Good day, milady!" the driver grinned as they drove away. Susan made sure the carriage was far enough ahead, and only then did she enter the woods.  
The sun had just risen, the sky was still dark blue and streaks of orange and pink were seen. It was dark enough.  
Susan slid on her hood from the coat she wore, and she looked from the corner of her eyes if anybody saw her coming in. It would all begin again now. All the sneaking around, the silence, the dark secrets, the exile, the loneliness. She would make sure no one would ever know of her interaction with the king. None of her neighbors can know. So Susan walked into the woods, and walked and walked until she reached her house and quickly opened the front door without any noise and slid inside.

Susan breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the door.  
She rested her back on the wood and closed her eyes. It has been too long since she had been home, yet no one can know that she is here now. She has to keep it a secret from them all.  
She took a look at the house that once had been somewhat peaceful. Now it stood there, the inside air cold and the smell of mildew was painfully clear. The windows hadn't been opened in months, and the fireplace had not been lit in months also. She silenced at the fact that she could do neither of the two things; it will make the neighbors know that she was home, and she can't have that.  
Susan realized the air was so thick, it was hard to breathe. But that would have to do.  
She put her hand-carry inside her room; a small bed, a wardrobe to put her clothing articles, a small vanity and that's it. Her house consisted of only a dining table, a fireplace, a small kitchen, a sofa, her bedroom, and a bathroom. She looked at her house and didn't think of anything.  
Susan decided to make something to eat. She looked at her kitchen and silenced as she saw what she had; a loaf of overly-moldy bread, 7 eggs which were rotten, and a jar of pickled cucumber.  
She boiled one of the eggs and ate them with salt and pepper; the only basic seasonings available in her house. She cringed at the smell but ate it anyway. She had nothing else to eat.  
Susan walked to the back of her house to see what has happened to her vegetable garden. Maybe there was something there she could use to make food.  
There wasn't.

She only looked through the curtains at the rest of her world.  
She has left him. And that was her decision.  
But she couldn't get their kiss off her mind. It was so different than the one in the throne room. She could tell Caspian was frustrated with her from the way he ended the night. Yet he seemed to suppress his anger when it comes to her. Maybe he was really fond of her, but now that wouldn't matter.  
Susan didn't knew what would happen if she didn't come in time for his birthday.  
Will he understand that this is her choice? She didn't know.

Susan looked at the rest of the place she once was able to call home. The place where she would hide for the rest of her life.

* * *

"She's back,"  
The man closed the door and continued to sit on the table where his friend was sitting.  
"Who?" he was unsure, uncertain. In his mind he already knew who his friend meant, but he asked again just to be sure.

"Susan," the man answered. At the sound of her name, the rest of the two men turned their heads. As they walked towards the table, _he _asked again.  
"And you're certain?" he checked.  
"I saw her sneaking in this morning,"

The man didn't answer.  
"What do you want to do?"

Rafael looked at his friend as if his answer was not going to be obvious enough.  
"What we always do, of course," he said. The rest of the men grinned.  
"Come on,"

* * *

She woke up from her nap, and it was already nighttime. Susan realized she had not taken a bath. She then entered her bathroom and shivered at the cold water. She could not use any heating system, and couldn't open any windows either in fear of anybody noticing her presence back. Susan forced herself to soak herself in the tub of cold water. She was grateful that she still had some soap left. She used it in moderation, trying to be clean and saving the soap at the same time.  
She didn't stay long in the tub; after scrubbing herself she immediately got out and covered herself up with the towel that was somewhat clean.  
She put on some clothes, meanwhile thinking how she would wash them.  
It was around 11, almost midnight. She boiled some water and used the leftover tealeaves to make herself some tea; hopefully a useful drink to warm herself to go to sleep.  
She sat on her dining chair behind the table as she sipped her tea. It wasn't pleasant, but that wasn't what she was thinking about.  
As Caspian came to her mind, Susan suddenly heard a knock on her door.  
Someone knew she was home.

"Susan!" his voice yelled her name.  
Susan Pevensie froze. It couldn't be. How could he know she was here?  
She didn't move for a second, and when the entire surrounding didn't make a noise, she eased.  
Suddenly the door was forced open and in came the four men, one of them the one person she would hide her presence from.

All of them stared at her and she at him. Juan Rafael.  
"No, no please," she said, "Please!"

But her plea was too late. As the three men ransacked her house, Rafael did to her what he had been doing for the past 3 years of her life: the reason why she cannot possibly go back.

* * *

**Hello everyone! So this is a step closer towards finally knowing Susan's secret. Keep reading for more! Major part of the story in the next chapter. Please review :)  
**


	11. Home Sweet Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is the plot and a few OCs. **

**Author's Note: Short chapter everyone, but a key to the story nonetheless. Enjoy :)**

* * *

"Don't touch me," she said as Rafael placed his arms around her waist, sitting behind her on her bed. It had been exactly two weeks since she had arrived home, and Susan found herself trapped in the same trap she had been trapped in. Every time it happened, Susan promised herself that it would be the last time. She would go somewhere else, flee from her past and free herself of her sins. And now, it really would be.  
"Why not? I've touched you before," he said. Susan did not answer.  
"You know, Susan, it would be easier on both of us if you would just give in and for once let me do it peacefully,"  
Susan didn't respond. She sat still, trying to forget what just happened.

"What has gotten into you? Since you've got back it looks like you actually have a bit of courage,"  
She didn't answer.  
"Who did you meet?" he asked her casually, although she knew it was bothering him more than he sounded.  
She sat, still silent.

"Was it someone important?" he asked again, and she still did not pay attention.  
"I bet it was a rich man saying things like you are worth more than you think, or saying how he cherished you for you, and that you shouldn't degrade yourself like you did," he said. Susan looked to the ground.  
"We've been over this Susan," he said to her behind her ear. "You're not worth anything,"

Susan stood up and put on her clothes.  
"Get out," she said to him.  
Rafael just sat back, "Have you forgotten about our deal? I pay all of your debts, you give me what I want and your secret's safe,"  
"I don't care about our deal anymore," she said, trying to stand up straight. "I never want to see you again, Rafael," she said to him. "Get out now,"  
"You are aware that—"  
"I am perfectly aware," she yelled. Rafael's teasing smirk suddenly turned and he widened his eyes and walked quickly to her. He grabbed her by her arms and drove her to the wall beside her wardrobe. Susan struggled to get out of his hold but it was no use. It had been two weeks since she had a somewhat decent meal, and from eating the bad food she had Susan was sick. That and the fact that she couldn't light on the fireplace, her body was in a bad condition. Rafael gripped her jaws between his hand and shook her face.  
"You are aware that if your secret gets out, Susan, you will be an outcast, don't you?" he asked. Susan only looked at him.  
"Do what you wish," she said. Rafael was frustrated for a moment; it showed in his expression. But then he started smiling, and Susan panicked because it meant that he was up to something.

"How about this?" he pulled out a letter from his doublet. Susan immediately recognized what it was.  
Caspian's invitation.  
"An invitation to the king's birthday party? He better be careful now," he said. Susan looked at the letter and attempted a laugh.

"He's the king. Do you really think you can hurt him?" she said. Rafael then slapped her cheek with the same force that caused the bruises on her arms, her waist and back. She was used to it now.

"And do You really think he would take you back, after what you've done?" he said. He then slammed her to the floor and left her there.

Susan didn't know what she was doing. But she knew one thing for sure. Rafael was never going to touch her again. Let the neighbors know of her secret. Let everyone know. Even if she is banished, she will not care. Right now, she was glad that he was never going to take advantage of her ever again. She promised that to herself.

And then she remembered the envelope Rafael had taken away from her. She was not worried about the king's safety, as she had said; he's the king of Narnia. Rafael can't beat him. But that invitation made her remember.  
Today was his birthday. Yesterday a carriage had come to pick her up. Nobody knew that she was in Lantern Waste, therefore the carriage went back to the castle, empty-handed. Today, she is breaking her promise of coming back. She remembered everything about him; his words to her, what he had done to save her life, everything. Caspian was in his castle, waiting for her.

But she had promised not to come back.  
She couldn't. And with the guards yesterday asking for her to the entire village, Susan knew it was a matter of time before everyone knew she was back. But she would figure out a way to buy herself some more time.  
She always do.

* * *

The celebration was on full swing. The great hall was decorated with all kinds of flowers and the long table was filled with food fit for a feast. Every type of red meat imaginable, roasted and seasoned to perfection. Big cakes and sweet desserts also graced the tables, with people dancing and chatting filling the hall floors. Loud music was heard throughout the entire hall, and it was overheard by the smaller parts of the castle as well.  
Today was Caspian's birthday. And Susan still wasn't there.

He sat on his throne, putting on a smile whenever he felt it necessary but inside, he was worrying. He had chatted, he had mingled and he even danced with some of Prunaprismia's friends and his mother's friends when she was alive. He had eaten a bit of the mutton which he found delicious, he had announced his thanks, all of which he did while anxiously waiting for her return. Caspian told himself to relax. After all, she had promised she was going to be there in time, didn't she? And he had sent a carriage to pick her up yesterday. Still, no sign of her.  
He sat on his throne, watching the entry to the hall just in case she arrived.

"Your majesty," Willan appeared on his side. Caspian looked at him.  
"Nobody knew she was even back in Lantern Waste," Willan reported.  
Caspian didn't reply. He knew this was going to happen. Somehow, he knew. He had known from the start. Isn't this what she always did? Confuse him? Yes.

"Thank you Willan," he answered. The knight looked at his king.  
"What are you going to do?" he asked him.  
Caspian answered what he knew.  
"I don't know,"  
And then he looked back at the crowd, his fake smile gone. He was confused, as always when she was with her. Nobody even knew she was back? Where did she go then? Did something terrible happened to her on the way back? But he had sent an escort to get her. Did something happened to her in her house that no one recognized her return? Was she hurt? Did she even want to come back? Just as he thought everything was finally going to be okay between them, she fled. She ran away from him. What was she doing? What was he doing?  
Caspian touched his index finger and thumb to his forehead. He was beginning to feel frustrated with her.

"Whatever happened to my king that he feels stressed in this day of a blessed new year for him?"  
Caspian lifted his head at the sound of her voice.

"Lady Liliandil," he smiled wearily, and stood up and approached her.  
"I'm sorry I haven't greeted you from the beginning of the celebration," he said.  
"I just got here, my king," she answered.  
"Please, honor me with a dance," Caspian said as he offered his hand. Liliandil placed hers in his and they walked toward the center of the hall.  
Liliandil really had been a sister to him. He was an only child, so it gets lonely at times. But he had Willan, and he had Liliandil. Ever since their encounter, Caspian knew she would be a great friend.  
"Where is my future sister-in-law?" Liliandil grinned, looking around the room in search of Susan. Caspian did not answer. And at that, she knew something was wrong.  
"Caspian," she called his name, "Where is Susan? I'd like to meet her," she said to him.  
"I don't know," his voice was small, and he thought to himself of how stupid he was. He really didn't know. How could he possibly not know?  
"Tell me," she said.

"She went back to her home in Lantern Waste two weeks ago, and—"  
"She is in Lantern Waste?" Liliandil asked, suddenly panicked.  
"Why? Is something wrong?" Caspian asked, on guard.

"Didn't you hear about it?" Liliandil asked. Caspian shook his head, confused about what was going on. She, in her mind was debating whether or not to worry him like that. But Liliandil knew Caspian has to know about this. So that he could get to her as fast as he can.

"Caspian, the people were worried. They say that a killer who used to hover around there was back,"  
He turned pale. What killer? He hadn't heard of a killer before.  
"They say he's been gone away for a long time, but then they saw him coming back," Liliandil said, her voice panicked. Caspian stopped his swaying.

He then ran.

* * *

Susan sat. That seemed to be all she's doing nowadays. She sat there, on the possibly only chair she had inside her house. Rafael hadn't been visiting for the last two days, and she was pretty relieved. Inside her heart, Susan knew. She knew that he wasn't going to give up so easily. And if it hadn't been for that damned doing she did, Susan wouldn't have catered to his wants.  
She sat there as she reflected on everything that has been going on. The neighbors were starting to return to Lantern Waste from the castle.  
How is he?  
It had been two days since she broke her promise to him. And he hasn't come yet, so maybe he understood that this was her choice.  
She didn't even understand her own thoughts. This was her choice, after all. Why was she so torn then?

Whatever it was, thinking about it would only bring more dilemma. There was absolutely nothing she could do about it now. He was the king, and she had been living off of moldy slices of bread for the past two weeks.  
And they were never going to meet again.

Susan rested her back on the chair. Would they really never meet again?

And then a knock on her door.  
Susan turned her head to look at the entry to her house. Someone knew she was there. Or it could be Rafael.  
But this time, she won't give in to his wants.  
Susan got up from her chair and walked to her door. Whether it was her neighbor, or Rafael, she was going to face them with all her might, whatever they may do to her.  
She turned the door knob and opened the wooden door. She widened her eyes in disbelief as she saw who it was standing on her door.

"What are you doing here?"


	12. Warm Towels in the Night

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is the plot and a few OCs. **  
**Author's Note: Hello everyone! So who's the mystery man in Susan's doorstep? Any guesses? Enjoy!**

* * *

"What are you doing here,"  
Her voice was panicked. He didn't get a chance to answer; his face confused and looked as panicked as hers although maybe not for the same reason.  
Susan pulled his hand abruptly, and locked the door behind him. He looked at her, and he was horrified.  
"What happened to you?" he asked as he walked quickly to her and touched her cold jaws with his palm. He searched for her eyes but she only shrugged.  
"Susan, you're sick," he said, a fact she knew but did not acknowledge. She continued to avoid his gaze on her.  
"Susan," he called her name.  
"You cannot be here Caspian," she said to him, finally lifting her face to look at him.  
Caspian then stepped back to get a clear look at her.  
She wrapped herself with what looked like fabrics, although it didn't look much like it. Her face was pale, her skin unusually cold and her lips shivering. Caspian looked at the fire and saw that it was not lit.  
"You have to leave. Now," she said, her voice didn't sound like the Susan that kissed him that day at their goodbye. There she goes again. Confusing him.  
And then it hit him.

"Why didn't you come back?"  
Susan did not answer. And without her answer Caspian already knew what was.

"You lied to me," he said.  
"You can't be here," she repeated her words.  
He silenced before sounding what he thought. Was that really all she had to say?  
"I'm sorry for interrupting you," he said.  
Susan looked at the floor. And although he said he was sorry, Caspian did not move. He didn't know whether or not she was going to give him an answer, but he wanted to know. He deserved to know and Susan knew it.  
But there was no way she was going to tell him.

And then a knock was heard once again on her door.  
It sounded somewhat harder. Susan quickly turned her head and dragged him to the back of the door. He clearly didn't know what was at stake. Nobody can know that the king was here. Nobody can know that she was a favor of his. And then Susan remembered what Rafael said. The reason she wasn't afraid at all was because he was the king, with all his knights and protection, and ability to fight. But Caspian had no backup now.  
He had nothing. And he came alone.

"Don't move," she said to him. He only stared at her, confused at what was going on.

Susan walked over to the windows and peeked at who it was on her doorstep.  
"Who is it?" he asked her.  
"Caspian," she turned around from the window, facing him now.  
"Promise me you won't let them know you're here," she said, gripping his arms, "Please," she said.  
Caspian didn't understand. What was she doing? What was going on? And before he could answer, the door was opened.  
"Pevensie?" an old man stood at the door, searching for her.  
"I am here," she answered.  
"You are back from your escape, I see?" the man asked her. He was so old, his figure already crooked and eyesight poor.  
"That doesn't concern you," she answered.  
"What does concern me is your rent. I've been taking care of this place since you are away,"  
"Is that so?" she answered in steel irony.  
"Yes. I will need your payment now,"  
Susan silenced.  
"You didn't even throw out the bad eggs,"  
"Yes but I did neglect to tell the rest of the people that you are back. Imagine what they will do if they know,"  
Susan didn't answer him.  
"I don't have the money," she admitted.  
The old man only looked at her with disgust, a noun that he himself was indeed worthy of bearing but wasn't aware of. Susan didn't know what to do. She didn't have any money. And the man was asking her for something he was not worthy of receiving. If she doesn't give him what he asked for though, the whole neighborhood will know.  
Everyone will know.

"Please, just give me more time,"  
"Give me my money now, Pevensie or everyone will know of your return,"

Susan was about to plea, but before she could, she felt a hand on her shoulders.  
"Take this and leave,"  
Caspian handed the old man a pouch full of lions. She looked at him in disbelief.  
"200 lions. Is that not enough?" he asked. The old man didn't even look at him. He just counted and turned his body to leave.  
"I'll be back, next week, Pevensie. I haven't even mentioned that I have restocked your firewood," he said as he left.

Susan quickly closed the door and dropped her head.  
"What are you doing?" she was angry.  
"No, Susan. The question is, what are you doing?" he asked her. Susan walked away from the door.  
"No one can know you're here Caspian. You have to leave. Now,"  
"I am not leaving without you coming with me,"

That silenced her.  
"You lied to me," he said again.  
"When are you going to learn that I can't be with you?" she asked, begging for him to understand.  
"Whether you can or cannot be with me is unimportant," he said. "When will you learn that whatever the reason is, it doesn't matter?"  
"I don't want to be with you,"

Caspian silenced. He didn't avert his stare on her.  
"See, I don't believe you there," he said.  
"Well I don't," she said, "That's why I didn't come back. And I never will, for that matter,"

Caspian stepped back.  
"What happened to you, Susan?" he asked.  
"I learned my place," she answered him.  
"What? This is your place?" he gestured to the rest of her house. "You're living in this house?"  
"Yes," she answered.

They kept their stare on each other, and he suddenly did something that surprised her.  
He smiled.

"Then I guess I'll just have to settle in then," he said. And Susan widened her eyes.  
"I want you to leave," she said.  
"I won't," he answered, walking around the house.  
She didn't believe he was doing this. He can't stay here. He had no backup, and nobody can ever know about this. Nobody can know about her return, let alone the fact that the king of Narnia was staying with her. Out of all people, he was the one person she can't be seen with. He was the one person she doesn't deserve to be loved by.  
And so she decided that she had to do what she had to do.

"I don't want you here,"  
Caspian turned around at her words.  
"I will not leave, Susan," he answered back.  
She turned her head.  
Susan was at a loss for what to do. She didn't know what she was doing, nor what she was going to do next. He was going to stay. And everyone was going to know.

"Who was that man?" he asked her.  
"Nobody," she answered as she walked away.  
"He didn't seem like it," Caspian remarked, "you owe him money?" he asked again.  
"Yes," she answered.

Caspian looked at her as she sat on the dining table and looked outside the dusty windows.

"You're sick," he said. She didn't answer.  
"I can't light the fire on," she said to him.  
"Why?"  
"Because if I light the fire, smoke will come out of the chimney,"  
Caspian was confused.  
"And the windows?"  
"If I open the windows they all will know I'm back,"  
"So what if they know you're back? This is your house, you have a right to live in it,"  
"You don't understand Caspian," she said. "That man wasn't the only one. I have a lot of people looking for me to ask me for money, money that I owe. People will come, Caspian. And I don't have anything,"

He looked at her.  
"I will pay for everything you owe,"  
"I don't want you to,"  
"Just come back with me to the castle, Susan. I've told you before that you have a permanent resident there,"  
"That's not possible," she answered. And Caspian thought a moment before giving her his answer.  
"Well then you'd better tell me where I can sleep,"

* * *

He settled in by himself, Susan didn't encourage or helped him while doing so.  
Caspian had a chance to look around the house. Small, but if clean it'd be beautiful, he was sure. The house had only one sofa, one dining table, a small kitchen and one bedroom. It's not much, but enough for the two of them. Everything was so dusty, either. She kept going on about the neighbors knowing hr return, why was she avoiding it so? Because of unpaid debts? He can handle that. But there was something else. Something he hadn't known yet.

Susan was still sitting on the dining area, and he decided that he would take a bath.  
Cold water, as he had predicted. Caspian took off his clothes and cleaned himself. To say that soap was scarce would be an understatement. He reached out for his bag and pulled out soap. Thank Aslan he brought some things. That's because he knew that there was a good chance that she was not coming back, and that would need some persuasion on his part like for example, staying with her. Trumpkin and Glenstorm and the professor gladly filled in for him in the throne room in his absence, so he was somewhat relaxed. At least his people were not abandoned.  
He closed his eyes and rested his head on the edge of the tub. Why was she like this? What was she hiding from him? What was she hiding from her own neighbors? He didn't know. She wouldn't tell him anything, just saying things like she doesn't deserve him. At first Caspian thought it was a mere shock caused by his title. And then he knew there was something more to it that meets the eye. She was not merely low in self-esteem. Someone made her like that. And it mostly maybe herself. Why? Endless questions ran through his mind, questions that he didn't have an answer to.  
Caspian stepped out of the tub and dressed himself.  
He put on a white shirt and black breeches, and then he exited the bathroom.  
He found Susan sitting there on the edge of her bed. She didn't lift her eyes as he came out of the bathroom, just kept looking at the floor; her eyes blank.  
Caspian approached her.  
"May I?" he gestured to the seat next to her. Susan nodded. He sat there, close to her but not touching her, and they sat in the comfort of silence.

"I only have one bed," she remarked. Caspian then laughed.  
"I'll sleep on the floor," he said to her.  
"No. Far too dusty for you. And the sofa will break down any moment," she said blandly.  
Caspian thought for a solution. The bath tub?

"The right side is mine," she said suddenly. And he silenced.  
Were they really going to sleep in one bed? Caspian slapped himself inside for feeling teenage feelings. So they were going to sleep together. So what? He wouldn't touch her, that was for sure. He was a gentleman, after all.  
"I'll sleep wherever you want me to," he answered, a bit awkwardly. Susan then got up.  
"I'm sorry you have to sleep in the same bed as me," she said as she walked around the bed.  
"That's more than fine," he answered, still awkward.  
"And I can't clean, so you'll be following in my steps and get sick in about…" she thought to herself, "3 hours,"  
Caspian looked at her, "I have more immunity to dust than-" and then he sneezed.  
"Oh, 3 seconds then," Susan said to him. She grinned.  
"It's hard to live with me, Caspian," she said to him.  
"You make it hard. Why don't I clean the dust off for you?" he offered.  
"We can't dust the furniture without opening the windows," she said, "Besides, winter's almost here,"  
Caspian thought to himself.  
"And the fire?" he asked.  
"No one can know we are here," she said to him.

"Susan, if this is about paying your debts, I will take care of that,"  
She silenced.  
"You have nothing to worry about," he said again.  
"You're wrong," she answered. "It's bad enough I'm worrying about myself but then you showed up and now I have to worry about you,"

Caspian then grinned.  
"You're worried about me?" he asked. Susan raised her eyebrows.  
"Don't flatter yourself," she said and he laughed.  
"I will pay for it all Susan,"  
"No, you won't,"  
"I will. Now can we clean?"  
"No, we can't," Susan said. He didn't understand. He didn't understand that this wasn't just about the money. If they know of her return, Caspian would know her secret. And he was the one person she should keep it a secret from.

* * *

She had been trying to sleep for the past 5 hours. It was around 3 in the morning now, and Susan was not asleep. Their bodies faced their own sides, backs not touching. And it was unusually cold, although that may be because the absence of any kind of blanket in her house. Plus the fact that winter was almost here again; one more reason she can't open the windows.  
Susan got up and just sat on the edge of the bed. Caspian had been awake, either.  
Susan exited her room and sat on the dining table. This situation with Caspian staying in her house was a bit awkward. But that wasn't what she was thinking about.  
Endless worries of his safety, safety she couldn't afford to gamble with. He didn't seem to think about it at all.  
Caspian walked into the kitchen area as he carried what seemed to look like towels and a kettle. He set the kettle on the fireplace and light on the fire.

"I've told you before we can't light the fire,"  
"It's three in the morning, Susan. Nobody can even see the smoke coming out,"  
He continued to arrange what he was arranging; an idea inside his mind that she was not in knowledge of.  
"If you want tea, there's tea leaves in the second cupboard. You may want to pick it out though, beware of worms,"  
Caspian looked at her.  
"As tempting as that is," he said, "the hot water's not for me,"  
Susan was confused. She didn't say anything though. She was cold, and she knew that he was, too.  
She had on her nightgown, but her shawl was left upstairs. And she was cold.  
Susan heard water pouring, and she knew he dipped the towels in.

Caspian walked over to her and put a bowl of hot water on the dining table. He had the soaked towel in his hands, sat on the chair beside her.  
Caspian placed the warm towel on the back of her neck, and one on his own neck.  
"Will you tell me why you're in this state of health?" he asked her, voice quiet.  
"I've told you before," she answered him, shivering. Caspian thought to himself.  
"You're not even restocking your house of proper food ingredients, Susan. Why are you doing this to yourself?"  
"Hey it's not like I want to eat spoiled food," she said.  
"Then let me go out to the market tomorrow and buy things for you," he said to her.  
"You are not paying for anything. I've had enough," she said. Caspian just looked at her.  
"I've survived living without a roof for who knows how long before you found me. I can survive this," she said, determined and expression dead.

"Well what about when they run out altogether, the food?" he asked, challenging her.  
Susan didn't answer, although she knew what she was going to do. She was going to leave Lantern Waste for good. Her neighbors will know of her return soon enough, anyway. She would run away again, start fresh in an area that hopefully did not know of her sins. Maybe she would change her name, cut her hair. Her plan was a vague one but that was what she was going to do.

"You're going to run away again, aren't you?" Caspian asked her when he realized her plan. Susan didn't look at him.  
"Susan," he called her name as he touched her hands.  
"Just come back with me to the castle. I can take care of you,"  
"I don't need anyone's care, Caspian. What I need is disappearance,"  
"I can give you that. We'll change your hair color, change your name, give you masks to wear, get you new dresses, whatever it takes," he said. Susan only laughed.  
"That is a lot of trouble you're going through for a stranger," she replied.  
"You're no stranger to me,"  
Susan silenced.  
"Listen Susan," Caspian leaned in, "I will do anything for you. Just come back. Please,"  
Susan didn't answer. Caspian looked into her eyes, trying to find what he saw there the last time they kissed. And he found it in hiding. Caspian had been waiting to say what he was going to say for a long time. And people say that there is no time like the present.  
He thought back on everything they had been through. How they met; an unusual way of meeting but it worked, somehow. How she was always confusing him, and although this frustrated him at times, this only made him more sure. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

"I think I'm in love with you,"


	13. Letting Her Go

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs.  
Author's Note: A short chapter, I know. But more to come in the next few days. **

* * *

"Why do you always do this, Caspian?" she asked him.  
"Do what?" he asked back. He was supposed to get answers, not more questions.  
"This," she gestured to the air between them, "You are playing with me once again,"  
Was she really saying this?

"You think I am playing with you Susan?" he asked her back.  
"There's no other explanation," she said, "Just please stop it,"  
"No other explanation?" he said, "how about me actually feeling what I say?"  
Susan stood up. She didn't answer. Instead, she walked to the windows and stood there.  
"Susan," he called her name. She still didn't answer.  
"Susan," he walked to her and stood behind her.  
"Don't touch me please," she cringed away from him. Caspian looked at her, confused to death; a feeling he always felt when he is with her. He stood there, maintaining a distance although near, so hard to keep.

"Stay away from me," she said to him, "I am tired. Just tired of—"  
"Of what?" he asked her. "Tired of me?" he was somewhat angry now. Caspian needed to hear what she had to say.  
Susan looked at the ground before finally looking up and facing him.

"Yes," she said to him. Susan didn't mean that.  
And he didn't answer her. He didn't even know what to say or what to think. What does one think when their loved ones say that they are tired of them? He didn't know.  
"Stop lying to me," he said to her.  
"Wouldn't you be tired of you if you were me?" she asked him, "first you showed up out of nowhere in the lagoon, saving me without being asked to. Then you gave me clothing and food and even jewelry. Then you decided out of nowhere to court me. Then when I run away from you, here you are in my house, finding me once again. When will you stop? Just stop,"

He didn't answer. Her expression was dead, and her voice breathy. She held on to the kitchen table as she said this, her sick body not able to lift itself up fully. Caspian didn't move.

"Let's just…." she said, "go to bed. Okay?"  
Susan walked to her bedroom and when she got there, sat on her side of the bed. Caspian followed in seconds later, his figure tall and so familiar in her eyes. She didn't look up though.

"I'll go out tomorrow to buy some vegetables," he said, and when she was about to protest, he continued.  
"I'll wear a cloak," he said. Susan then looked at the floor. Maybe it would be okay. The people didn't know his face very well, if he was the one to go out, there was a chance that maybe they wouldn't notice him.  
He then settled in on his side of the bed and the two of them lied down.  
A few minutes past and they didn't talk to each other; a situation that seemed to be going to dominate the night.  
Inside her heart, Susan regretted what she had said. She didn't mean any of that. She knew it was all just a scheme to get him out. And she just hoped that it would be enough to make him leave.

They both just lied there, both of them didn't know whether or not the other one was asleep, both silent and backs away from each other, bodies nearest to the edge as possible. The night was cold, and she had her shawl while Caspian didn't have anything.  
"I'm leaving the day after tomorrow," she stated, her voice dead but part of her wanted to know what he thought of it. Caspian didn't move.

"Where are you going?" he asked.  
"I don't know," she answered him, "but I'll survive. I always do," she said.  
"Goodnight, Caspian,"  
He won't sleep that night, but he was a gentleman after all. So he replied.  
"Goodnight,"

* * *

Susan was surprised to wake up from the sunlight. She hadn't been able to see it for some time now. She opened her eyes and saw that the windows in her bedroom was opened. Caspian opened it, she was sure. And part of her thanked him. After a cold night, she needed some warmth. The sun wasn't fully up yet, from the looks of it looked like she had only been sleeping for a little more than two and a half hours. The sky wasn't clear blue yet, the clouds weren't off-white yet. But the sun rises every morning right in the view of her bedroom window, and she knew Caspian knew that. The gentle rays caressed her in her face.  
That was when she realized what she had done a few hours before. She meant her last words. She was going to leave Lantern Waste for good. Nobody was going to search for her. It would be perfect.  
Except that nothing would ever be.

"Good morning," he knocked on her door, two bowls in hand.  
"I hope you like soft-boiled eggs. I made cheese toast for you," he said to her.  
"I bought some eggs, cheese and bread. Also vegetables of course, and beef," Caspian sat in front of her.  
"I don't have any money. You can just take all that back," she said to him.  
"Consider this my treat," he smiled.  
"Everything in my life nowadays are paid for by you," she said. He ignored her. He smiled and set the bowls, one for her and one for him.  
"Let's just eat, please," he said to her as he began eating.  
Susan looked at the bowl, inside it a hot egg still whole with the insides runny. He really did made cheese toast; the brown, somewhat crispy bread filled with melted cheese. She had always liked soft-boiled eggs.  
"Thank you," she said to him as she spooned her first mouthful.  
"The important thing here is for you to get better," he said, "And you're not going anywhere on your own except your sickness is gone,"  
"You can't control me,"  
Caspian looked at her.  
"Oh can't I?" he asked as he ate his last bite of egg. Susan was confused. He was acting as if nothing happened to them. He chose to ignore what she said, of course. He didn't care.  
Caspian then ate the bread he had, his egg was finished.

"I am a good cook," he remarked.  
"Don't flatter yourself," she replied his statement. Caspian only laughed.  
"Now, you just finish your breakfast, and then you can take a nice hot bath, then come downstairs for some hot vegetable and beef soup," he said, standing up.  
"Hot bath?" she asked.  
"Boiled some water when you were asleep. Don't worry, no one noticed," he said. He then exited the room.  
Susan looked at the rest of her room. It had been cleaned.  
Dusts were no longer there, the floor had been scrubbed. And she was sure that didn't apply only to her bedroom. She stood up and entered the bathroom, where a tub of steaming water was waiting for her.  
She took off her clothes and got in the warm water. Inside her heart she thanked him for doing all of this.  
But she is finding herself once again in the aid of the king.  
She closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the tub. What was she doing? She was actually letting him stay and take care of her once again. Why does she always do that?  
But she did need this hot bath. She was sick after all. It was embarrassing enough for her to sneeze all the time in front of him but then again, she shouldn't care, should she?  
Susan mulled in the warm water and got out when it grew cold. She already felt so much better.  
She put on a dress, not caring which one. And then she went downstairs.  
The morning air was cold, because the weather is beginning to change. Already one can feel the winter air approaching.  
Caspian smiled as he saw her come.

"You cleaned?" she asked him.  
"Someone had to," he answered. Susan pursed her lips.  
"I didn't ask you to," she said to him.  
"I wanted to. Now, please," he gestured to the seat in front of him as he pulled out a chair. Susan looked at the table full of food. There indeed was a bowlful of hot vegetable and beef soup, some bread and more cheese toast awaiting.

"I can't eat this much food," she remarked.  
"Eat as much as you can. Leftovers will be good for tomorrow," he said. "Come,"  
Susan walked towards the seat and sat down. He sat on the seat next to her.

"You don't need to watch me, you know," she said, "I am perfectly able to eat by myself,"  
"I've got nowhere else to be," he answered.  
"How about a bath yourself? You've obviously been cleaning all morning,"  
"Ah, you noticed that?" he teased her. He had on a smile on his face, and Susan was asking to herself why hadn't her coldness work on him.  
She spooned a mouthful of warm soup, and Caspian returned to clean as much as he can before the rest of Lantern Waste wakes up.


	14. Back to Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs. **

* * *

He entered the bathroom and was actually relieved to be liberated from all the dust and grimes of the house. Why hadn't she cleaned? And what was she saying about how she couldn't clean? He had gone to the market this morning, making sure it was still free of people and he wore a cloak, too. The fire was now lit, but it was still early. No one will notice, he was sure. He made it a mental note to put the fire out after he finished cleaning himself .  
The water was lukewarm, and he thanked Aslan for giving them some kind of heat. Snow was beginning to pile up outside, and inside his mind, Caspian wondered how will they make through tonight.  
She was still not budging about coming back. And he know he won't give up. He never does when it comes to her.  
Someway, somehow, he has to persuade her to come back. Because that last kiss she gave him wasn't just him imagining things that didn't exist. He knew she has feelings for him too. But she was hiding them. Or she was trying to make herself believe that she didn't. Why was that?  
Anyway, now he doesn't have any plan. And he prays to the great Lion to help him.  
Usually, that's all it takes.  
He stepped out of the bath and began to dry himself. He had readied a set of clean shirt and breeches. Since they were going to leave tomorrow, (hopefully with her coming with him), maybe they'd use his clothes as blankets tonight. It wouldn't be enough to keep them somewhat warm, but it's better than just lying there in a bed with little accommodations for winter nights. Caspian adjusted the sword sheath after he put on his breeches and shirt. He looked at the leather and put it on his hips, his sword hanging on his left waist like always.  
And then he heard something.

"No,"

Susan?

"This is over, Rafael. We're not doing this anymore,"  
"Why not? We've been over this so many times before, Susan. They're going to find out anyway,"  
She stood her ground. And he was right in front of her; his lips on her skin. But she was not going to back down now.  
"Not in front of him," and Caspian knew it was him she was talking about.

"Why?" she didn't answer, "you love him?"  
"He deserves better,"  
And there was a silence.  
"You love him, don't you?"  
"It doesn't matter now, does it?" she said, "I'm damaged,"  
"Exactly my point. Why try to save what's been spoilt?' And then he pushed her to her bed. Susan tried not to make a sound and in her heart hoping that Caspian wouldn't come out from the bathroom.  
"Don't do this," she said to him. Rafael ignored her and tried to tear her clothes. Susan struggled, hitting him and punching him. Rafael suddenly punched back.  
Susan's face was already bruised, and that punch on her face was a fresh pain.  
And then he smiled as he pried open her skirt, and then Susan was really frightened. She threw punches again and clawed his skin, all to no use.  
"I'm going to tell everybody about your secret, Susan. Including the king," he said. Susan didn't care about what he was saying. She kept struggling, her struggles all put down from the weight of him on top of her. He began to successfully kiss her and trailed his hands on her hips. She was getting tired, and she knew that. She was beginning to give up, and then suddenly the unexpected.

Rafael dropped to the floor, his body lifeless.  
Lifeless.  
Susan quickly pulled down her skirt and tried to cover her body.  
Caspian stood there, sword in his hand and eyes fixed on her.

* * *

"Sir Willan!" Giany called him.  
"Ah, Giany. What brings you here at this time of noon?" he asked.  
"I have a letter for you from the king," she said.  
"The king?" Willan asked back. The lady nodded.  
"Well, open it!" she said to him, and Willan looked at her.  
"It might be a private matter, madam,"  
"Oh nonsense Willan. I have brought him up since he was just a little boy. I know this is about the Lady Susan come on I want to know, too!"

Willan laughed.  
"Well," he said to himself as he opened the letter.  
The three folded paper was sealed with his wax; the stamp he always carried with him on his finger. And in his heart Willan knew what his friend was going through. He didn't understand the Lady Susan, either. Why was she doing what she was doing? She lied to him, obviously. She avoided him, that was for sure. But why? Caspian didn't do anything that would upset her, he was the king after all. And living with Prunaprismia for all those years, she taught him many things when it comes to being courteous, let alone to a woman. He did save her life, too; another point. Why was she doing all of that? Willan honestly didn't understand women at all. He had told Caspian a few times that if he did find a wife, it would only be because she is extremely ravish-able. And he didn't understand Caspian's view on marriage either. All he knew, he had never seen Caspian as happy as when he was with Susan Pevensie.

He opened the letter and Giany peeked. The woman was only the height of his upper arms.  
"Let me see," she said to him. Willan lowered the paper.

Willan started to read, and then slowly the smile faded on his lips. Giany's however, curved up as she read the words.  
"He's going to win her heart, let me tell ya'," she said.  
"I tell you, Sir Willan. Casipian never disappoints anyone. Including the Lady Susan,"  
"You think so? She doesn't look like a lady that would easily budge,"  
"That's just a mask. Can't you see that?"  
"No, I can't," he said to her.  
"Oy, men. Even I can, as many years I have in me. He will win her heart," she said, assured.  
"I sure hope so," Willan said, almost to himself.

* * *

"The griffins have brought the body away to be buried," he said to her. Susan didn't move.  
It was night time, and the fire still wasn't on. Snow was falling outside, and she had on a shawl wrapped around her shoulders as she laid in her bed, facing her way. Caspian walked in and pulled out a clean shirt.  
He placed it on top of her body. Susan didn't answer.

"Does he have any family members?" Caspian asked her.  
"No," she said to him shortly.  
Caspian looked at her back, shivering and he could hear her teeth chatter. And he realized he was cold, too.  
They were both cold. He took out his thick coat out of his bag before he laid down on the bed, and draped it on her.  
"Feel warmer?" he asked her.  
"A little," her breath caught her voice, and every time she opened her mouth, fog came out. In a house without any heating whatsoever, a winter night was hell.

Susan shivered, silently and quietly. She didn't know what to think. He had saved her again. Yet again.  
What was happening to them? They were growing apart. And it was all her fault, she knew that. Yet Susan also knew that she couldn't be with him. She couldn't allow herself to be with him.

Suddenly she felt his arms around her. His right hand on her neck and his left arm around her waist. She froze.

His hot breath on her skin sent chills down her spine. His toes were warmer than hers, and she couldn't help but intertwine them. Susan didn't reject to what he was doing; she knew she needed this. She and him both needed to be warm if they want to be alive the next morning. And so she held his hands with hers.  
The two of them stayed like that for a while; the night silent.

"Tell me what was going on," he said to her, his voice quiet.  
Susan was silent.  
"He wasn't entirely wrong, Caspian,"  
"What?" he said, "not entirely wrong? Susan, he tried to rape you,"  
"And do you think he would if I didn't let him?"  
"Don't blame yourself on this. You wouldn't be raped if he didn't rape you,"  
"I used to do that for a living,"

He didn't believe what he heard.  
"I had no money. And no home, and no food or clothes," she said. "I'm no good for you,"  
"And that's why I'm leaving tomorrow,"

He didn't say anything. They both stared ahead, visions blank although their minds were far from it. Susan's mind was just empty, yet there's so much she was thinking about. She knew Caspian must think lowly of her now that he knew about her past. Maybe now he would give up.  
She knew he would leave her after this. Him leaving her was the one thing Susan had been trying to achieve. Ever since the first day she met him, she knew she had to escape. She knew they couldn't be together, so she never thought about the idea.

But then he was the one who declared his love yesterday. Whatever she was doing, it wasn't enough. Now that he knew her past, maybe he would be disgusted with her and give up.

"Don't leave me,"

His voice on her skin was a quiet whisper, "Please," he said.  
Susan shook her head, "You're still not giving up?" he didn't answer.  
"Caspian," said she, "I have been had by countless men in my life," he didn't answer.  
"I do not care,"  
"Really?" she asked him, "You don't care that you will not be the first one to have me?" she said to him.  
"You don't care that the woman you want to have had been had? Countless pairs of hands and fingers, tongues and skin,"  
"Stop it," he said, "please,"

She didn't move then.  
"I will never give up on us," he said to her. "And it all doesn't matter to me, Susan. As long as you want me, I will be here for you,"  
Susan didn't answer.  
"Please come back with me,"  
"I can't,"

Caspian closed his eyes. She was rejecting him once again.  
"You lied to me," he said. She was supposed to come back.  
"I had to," she said, her voice shaking. Caspian laughed.

"What, Susan? What is it? Is it me?" he asked her. Susan didn't answer.  
"Am I not good enough for you?"  
"When will you see that the situation is reversed?" she asked him back, "I am the one who is not good enough for you, Caspian. You are the king,"  
"And you are the woman I love,"  
Susan laughed. "You don't love me,"  
And then his lips met hers. His lips were warm compared to her icy skin. His breath, hot and delicious. Susan pulled him closer to her, fingers on his scalp and arms around his neck. He gladly obliged, wanting more and more of her. His hands were on her jaw and her neck, pulling her closer. No closing of a distance was ever enough. His skin was hot, while hers was cold. Caspian shivered every time they came in contact, yet he didn't pull away.  
"Please," he said, voice breathy, "Please come back to me,"

He rested his forehead on hers, and for a while they just lied there, in silence.  
Susan nodded. And then he grinned.

He was happy. And all she could think of was what the hell was she doing.  
Because her occupation was not all she had to hide.  
And her coming with him was the number one mistake she was making. And she knew that.


	15. Conversation in the Carriage

**Diclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. I own the plot and a few OCs.  
**

* * *

"A carriage would make a fuss," he said to her after she saw the transport back. Two horses, no fuss.  
"Thank you," she said to him. It was only around four in the morning, and coats were sent also from the castle for their warmth back.  
"But it is snowing, so once we get out of the woods there'll be a carriage waiting for us," he said again as he walked to her.  
Susan stared at him and he at her.  
"I can get up by myself, you know. There is a saddle after all," she said.  
"Not a morning person, are you?" he grinned as he walked to his horse and climbed up. Susan was already on hers.  
"Not so much," she replied as they galloped away.  
After a few minutes of riding, they slowly reached the outskirts of the woods. She saw the carriage awaiting for them.  
"Thank you Barrinn," he said to the guard who opened the door.  
"Your majesty," the guard replied, lowering his head. Caspian held her hand as she climbed up the stairs and entered the carriage and then he followed.  
It was dark. And inside the carriage, the only source of lighting is the moon. It shone brightly than she had ever seen it. Susan looked at the window.  
It was snowing, although not heavily. She thanked Caspian in her heart for including coats in his letter to Willan. She was so cold, and she knew he was too. Yet he gave her warmth earlier. He had hugged her, took her in his arms. Like he always does. He had been a support system she was secretly thankful for in the midst of insecurities all her life. And she didn't understand why he was so fond of her, as well. He had told her he loved her. That's not an easy thing to say, especially if he was the king of Narnia which he was. Susan didn't understand him. Maybe it was because he had seen her naked.

"Caspian," she called his name. He was already looking at her.  
"Hmm?" he answered.  
"When you found me in the lagoon," she said, "did—"  
"I didn't," he said. Susan was relieved.  
"But I'm sure I would've liked what I see," he said casually. Susan jabbed him on the shoulders.  
"I'm sure you would too," she said to him. He laughed.  
"I'm sorry I didn't come out earlier today," he said, and Susan looked at him.  
"What do you mean?" she asked him.  
"If I had come out earlier maybe he wouldn't have had the chance to force himself on you," he said.  
"Why didn't you call for me? I would've known earlier if you had shouted something Susan," he said again.  
"Well isn't it pretty obvious?" she asked, "I didn't want you to see me going through that," she said to him.  
"You were being raped and that was what you were thinking about?"  
"Pretty much," she said. Caspian shook his head.  
"Don't worry about me, Caspian. I'm used to men wanting to do that to me," she said. Caspian looked at her.

"You will never have to go through that again. You can be happy with me," he said to her.  
"You're sure about that? I'm not a woman of easy efforts, you know that,"  
"I do," he said, "but I will win your love. As I've said before,"

"Will you?" she asked.  
"Positive," he said. Susan grinned.  
"But you haven't heard of the terms and conditions, haven't you?"

"Terms and conditions?" he asked. She nodded.  
"I can't be seen by the public eye," she said to him. Caspian did agree on that.  
"Done," he said.  
"And no flaunting me around, either. I'm not a possession,"  
"Clearly," he said, waiting for the next one in the list.  
"No public announcement in any form," she said.  
"Mmhmm," he waited for the next point.  
Susan thought for a moment.  
"And I will not live there for free. I will work,"  
"What?" he said, shocked.  
"You're not working in the castle. There is no way I am allowing that," he said again.  
"I'm sure Giany would approve,"  
"She will not if her king does not," he said.  
"Please Caspian make this easier for me. What will everyone think of me if I just live in the castle based on your fondness of me, I will end up in the woods with no money again. I can't have that,"  
"I will not throw you away Susan," he said, "Just please change this one. What kind of a man am I if I allow this?"  
"A reasonable one," he said. And then he lingered on the word. Reason.

"Fine," he said. And Susan grinned.  
"Not so fast," he said again, and she looked at him.  
"I will accept you working in the castle, under one condition," he said to her. Susan awaited his terms so that hers would be accepted. Caspian knew she was never going to accept what he was about to say. And so he challenged her.

"You sleep in my bedroom,"

She looked at him, and he was serious.  
"Are you trying to scare me? Because it won't work," she said.  
"I'm only trying to get you," he answered.  
"Why would you want me to sleep in your bedroom?"  
"Well," he started, "that way you won't be able to avoid me so much," he said. Susan squinted her eyes.

"If you think because I pleasured men for a living I will pleasure you, you are seriously wrong," she said. And then he laughed.  
"Of course not, I accepted your terms and conditions, naturally you have to accept mine. I only have one, after all," he said, grinning.  
"Because I won't pleasure you, Caspian," she said in warning, and Caspian shook his head, still grinning. Susan looked at him, and she did know he wouldn't do anything like that.  
"Not for free, at least," she said, and then his grin faded.  
"Hey don't do that," he said and she laughed.

"I haven't heard you laugh in such a long time," he said to her.  
"You're not a very funny man," she answered.  
"That's not fair," he said, "You're always so serious when you're with me,"  
"I am a serious person,"  
"But you must have some kind of punch line," he said to her.  
"Maybe. Guess you'll have to find out," she replied him.  
And they sat in silence for a while, she looked outside and he looked at her.

"You are one of the bravest women I know," he said.  
"And why is that?"  
"You are pretty much back to being yourself. Most people would be in a state of shock right now,"  
Susan laughed, "You are one lucky man to have skipped my phase of shock," she said. Caspian looked at her.  
"Is that why you left in the first place?" he asked her. Her laugh quieted.  
"Yes," she said, "Among other things,"  
"Like what?" asked he.  
"The past," she answered. He sensed that she was uncomfortable.

"Have you ever been in love?" he asked, and Susan looked at him.  
"Well how do you expect me to laugh if you talk about things like this," she said.  
"I just wondered if you ever felt what I feel," he said.  
"You don't love me Caspian," she said, and he looked at her.  
"At least not yet," she said again.  
"What makes you think that?" he asked. Susan shook her head.  
"Prove to me that you do," she answered him. Caspian didn't move.  
"Challenge accepted," he said.  
Susan was actually worried. He cannot fall in love with her, she knew that. But from the looks of things, it looks like he already did.


	16. Late Night Confirmation

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs.  
Author's Note: Sorry for the somewhat late update folks. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Susan looked at the window. They had spent a good few hours on the road, and when she looked out, it was night-time already. The moon was high up in the sky, and the dark of night roamed about Narnia.  
She looked at the moon; at the only witness now that bears her secret. Rafael was dead. Caspian had killed him.  
She didn't realize her mind was wandering off. Her stare did not move although she began to think something else. Rafael was dead. She did not feel anything remorseful or joyous about that, but there was something on the back of her mind. Just because Rafael was dead does not mean she was free.  
Just because the person who knew of her secret was gone does not mean her secret was, too. And sins and secrets was nothing when compared to the one thing she feared the most; her past.  
Caspian could never know. She knew that, yet she was playing right into his hands. She had scolded herself many times for coming back to him, but what could she do?  
She didn't want to admit it, but she felt something for him. That was not exactly an information that took brains to figure out, but still until this very second, Susan did not want to admit it.  
She couldn't admit it. For if she did, she was finished.

Caspian sat still beside her, and he stole a glance or two at her; looking out the window and secretly thinking to herself. He did not know of her future plans on avoiding him yet again. But with the condition that he asked for, they'd be sleeping in the same bed together. He wouldn't try anything of course, but at least they were going to see each other every day. That's a progress he was happy with.

As soon as they reached the castle, Giany and Willan was there, waiting for them.  
He stepped out of the carriage and held Susan's hand as she got out. Giany and Willan was delightfully surprised to see her.  
"Lady Susan," Giany said with a grin, "I am happy to see you are back here, my lady,"  
Susan cringed at the title she was given.  
"I am too, Giany," she said, smiling.  
Willan took Caspian in a friendly embrace. "I see you've managed to win her heart this time, eh?" he said. Caspian jabbed him on the arm.  
"Well, welcome home my king," he bowed, "And to you, my lady," he said. Susan nodded.  
"Oh well the two of you must be tired! Come, Lady Susan I have prepared your old room for you so you can settle in as soon as possi—"  
"Ah that won't exactly be necessary, Giany," Susan said, and Caspian looked at her.

"I will be sleeping in Caspian's room from now on,"

* * *

"I applause you my brother for this success," Willan grinned as the two of them walked down the castle corridor.  
"Success is when I win her heart, not her body," Caspian said.  
"Well you're going to have to take advantage of the opportunity," the knight said, "what are you planning to do to her?"  
And Caspian looked at the knight's mischievous grin.  
"Behave your thoughts, knight," Caspian laughed.  
"Don't act as if I am the only one thinking it. You're a man too, after all," Willan said. Caspian quieted at that thought. He was. And he had been thinking about it ever since she agreed on sleeping in his bedroom. The two will be sharing a bed.  
"I won't do anything about it unless I've married her," Caspian said.  
"Yes I know you won't, Caspian," Willan said, "but now what will you do to make her want to marry you?" he asked. Caspian didn't know.  
"Eh, you'll think of something," Willan said again as they approached his room.  
"In the meantime, rest well my king," he bowed to him.  
"Thank you, Willan," Caspian replied as the knight walked away.

"Oh, Willan?" he called out his name and the knight turned to see him.  
"Rafael's mates," the king said.  
"Understood, Your Majesty," and Willan walked away.

Caspian looked at the door of his room and entered it.  
Susan turned her head at the sound of the door opening. She was still in awe of the majestic room; far more grander than her previous room. The bed was larger, with red velvet blankets and silk sheets. Pillows piled on the head of the bed, and in front of it was the fireplace, which was already lit.

"Like it?" Caspian said to her. Susan nodded.  
"Which one is your side?" she gestured to the bed.  
"You pick," Caspian replied. Susan looked at the bed.  
"I'll sleep on the right. Is that okay?"  
"It's fine," he said as he walked to her.

"Wait, Caspian," she said, putting a palm facing him between them.  
"We're going to have to lay some ground rules here," she said. Caspian listened.  
"I sleep in your bed," she said.  
"Yes," Caspian urged for her to continue.  
"But you cannot touch me," she said.  
"I will not touch you the wrong way, Susan. You can be sure of that," he replied, "What else?"

Susan thought to herself, "Well," she said, "You said you are going to prove your love?"  
"Mmhmm," Caspian replied.  
"There is one more thing," she said to him. Caspian awaited for a reply.  
"You can't kiss me,"  
Caspian's smile faded, "I can't kiss you?"  
"That's right," she answered. "Say goodbye to my lips," and he laughed.  
"You do know that in order to win your love I will need something else other than your lips," he said.  
"So it won't be a problem then, my king?" she challenged him.  
"Well yes, but…" he muttered to himself.  
"But what?" she asked. Caspian was in a temporary loss for words.  
"Well apart from that, I'd still like to kiss you," he said, and without her realizing it, Susan smiled.

"You're smiling," he said.  
"I am not,"  
"Yes you are," he grinned back.  
"Well let's get this over with now, are you or are you not agreeing?" she said, clearing her throat.  
"That won't be a problem," he said as he closed the distance between them.  
"Here, I want to show you something," he said with a grin, and he intertwined her hands with his as he lead her through a corridor in his bedroom.  
"Now, don't be afraid," he said.  
"I'm not," she replied him, and then he smiled.  
"This is Rorkan," he said to her, and she stood there, animatedly watching the king's pet eagle.

"You have an eagle for a pet?" she asked.  
"Yes," Caspian answered her in smiles.  
"Come meet him," he said as he walked towards his pet. Susan hesitated before following him and approached the eagle. Rorkan did not react yet.  
Caspian petted the eagle's head, and soon it closed its beady eyes and eased.  
Caspian gestured to his head, silently saying to Susan to touch it. She looked at him, and then she placed her palm on the eagle's back.  
Rorkan opened his eyes, and she stopped for a second. Then the eagle closed its eyes again and eased. Caspian smiled. Susan too, eased and petted Rorkan's head.  
"I've never had a pet before," she said, looking at the eagle.  
"Well now you do," he said to her.  
"He's yours," she pointed out.  
"Shall we get you another eagle?"  
Susan looked at him.  
"I think I'm fine," she said. Caspian grinned.  
She didn't realize she was tired until she yawned; and her eyes felt heavier than usual.

"You're tired," he remarked.  
"I guess I am," she said to him.  
"Well Giany's prepared a bath for you, you can bathe first," he said.  
"Thanks,"  
Susan took a last glance at Rorkan for the night before exiting the little corridor in his room and entered the main part of the chamber. Caspian was right behind her.  
She had already laid out her clothes on his bed, -well, their bed now,- and she looked at him.  
"The bathroom is right over there, and here is your towel, but for future reference, this is the towel cabinet," he said.  
"Thank you," Susan replied as she walked to the bathroom.  
"You're welcome," he answered as she closed the door.

* * *

She stood there beside her side of the bed, not sure what she should do. Caspian was still in the bathroom, and he had been in there for a while so he should be coming out pretty soon.  
She stared at the bed; their bed. She was stupid for agreeing to this; that she was in knowledge of. But at least he wouldn't be able to kiss her now. That would be hard. Without his kiss, it was easier for her to resist. At least she wouldn't be reminded of what he felt like. But this room was overwhelming.  
The whole chamber was full of his scent; a smell she had begun to love. Susan still looked at the bed and didn't know what she should do next.  
And then she heard him coming out of the water and not so long after that, he came out of the bathroom.  
She was shocked that he had only his breeches, and he had the towel on his hair; trying to dry it.  
"Is that how you'll be coming into bed?" she asked him. Caspian looked at her.  
"Yes, I hope it doesn't bother you," he said casually.  
"Not at all," she muttered to herself. And then Caspian realized her state.  
"Aren't you ready for bed?" he asked her.  
"Mm," she replied.  
"Then why are you standing there, Susan?" he said. Susan shrugged.  
"It didn't feel right to climb into your bed before you," she said. Caspian then grinned.  
"Why?" he asked her as he walked to her, closing in the distance between them.  
"Don't feel like climbing into a bed without me?" he grinned, in front of her now.  
"Yes. In your dreams," she said as she furthered away from him. Caspian laughed.  
"Don't feel that way Susan. It's your bed too now, you're welcome to sleep in it whenever you want," he said as he climbed into his side of the bed.  
"Now," he said, "Come,"

Susan walked towards the bed and pulled the covers before settling in.  
It felt awkward. It wasn't this awkward when they were at her house, but this time it did. The silk sheets felt comfortable on her skin; cold and smooth. The velvet blankets were a good heating media in the midst of the Narnian cool night air. The very dim embers in front of the bed, and nothing but the sounds of the cracking burnt wood.  
"What are you thinking?" he said, and she realized he had been looking at her.  
Susan turned her head.  
"Thank you for allowing this," she said.  
"Why wouldn't I?" he said to her.  
"Well I've lied to you, that's why," she said.  
"Oh right," he said and then they laughed.  
"I'm sorry I didn't keep my word," she said, almost to herself.  
"Don't think about it. You have far more troubles to think of than me, I'm sure," he said in irony. Susan jabbed him lightly on the arms.  
"I am sorry," she said.  
"For lying? No that's hardly worth any trouble," he replied, "What you should be sorry for is that you didn't get me a present for my birthday," he said again.  
"Oh is that right?" she teased him.  
"Mmhmm. I pissed off the guests, too. What with me running away from the party suddenly to come get you," he said.  
"You ran?" she was confused, "What for? Were you afraid I wouldn't be in Lantern Waste or something?" she laughed.  
"No. It was because there was news of a killer has returned to Lantern Waste. I couldn't just stay here," he said.  
"Killer?"


	17. Under the Same Blanket

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs.  
Author's Note: A short chapter, but please enjoy! And I just wanna thank everyone who's commented. They mean a lot. :)**

* * *

"You heard of a killer and you came alone?" she asked him. Caspian looked down.  
"What were you thinking?" she asked him.  
"Nothing happened," he argued, grinning.  
"Something could've. And it wouldn't be humorous if the king was found dead with a woman of my past experiences. I'd be beheaded,"  
"That's a little extreme," he laughed.  
"You said it yourself, a killer was roaming around Lantern Waste. What happens if you get killed?"  
"But I didn't," he said, "And so are you,"  
Susan didn't respond.  
"Now can we go to sleep?" he asked, a smile on his face. Susan looked at him.  
"I don't think I can," she said, "too much to think about,"

Caspian didn't try to persuade her. The silence of the room filled the air between them, and the warmth of the bed was to Susan's liking. She had to admit, she had been sleeping alone all her life. It was nice to have company. She looked at her fingernails; her hands resting on top of the velvet blanket.  
Caspian looked at her, and he adjusted his body sideways.  
"What are you thinking?" he asked her, his voice was a whisper.  
"I'm thinking…" Susan paused, "this whole room smells of you," she said. She didn't change her expression, and Caspian couldn't read her.  
"Is that a bad thing?" he asked.  
"No," she replied. Caspian grinned.

"I'm thinking of how I ended up here," she said again.  
"Where?" he asked.  
"The king's bed," she answered, "Of all the women in Narnia, Caspian. You had to choose me,"  
"Well I'm quite the daredevil," he grinned.  
"And that reminds me," she said as she turned her head to look at him.  
"What?" Caspian was confused.  
"Well you now know of the men I've been with," she said.  
"Not all of them,"  
"Now I think it's only fair I know some of yours," she said to him, face serious. Caspian shrugged.  
"We don't have to talk about this," he said to her, looking up.  
"I know," she said, "but I want to,"  
Caspian didn't say anything.  
"Let's start with Alara, is it?" she said, and as soon as Caspian heard the name, he looked at Susan.  
"You know well enough," he said, and she nodded.  
"Well let me hear it," she said, "Go on,"

Caspian looked at her and he grinned.  
"Well she came since the rumor about me looking for a wife started," he said, "and the Calormene always dress so scantily, that's part of their culture. Nevertheless, sometimes I think she does it—"  
"To seduce you," Susan finished. She laughed and he laughed with her.  
"I am not easily seduced, however," he said, "So she's not a problem to you,"  
Susan looked at him, "Not a problem to me?" she asked.  
Caspian was confused, "Well…yes," he replied.

"Listen here..dude," she started, and he raised his eyebrows.  
"You're the one wanting to court me here. I won't be worrying about anything at all. If anything, you are the one who should be worried," she said. Caspian laughed.  
"Well..you're not completely wrong," he responded.  
"I am completely right," she answered. Caspian nodded, letting her win. Then he thought about something, letting the silence between them grew.

"But won't you? Really?" he asked her, looking at his hands.  
"What?" Susan asked him.  
"Worry about this?" he said, and she silenced.  
"I mean, not that I want you to worry or anything," he said, "But it hurts a bit,"  
Susan didn't respond at first. She just looked at the king who was lying next to her, telling her about his feelings.  
"What hurts?" she asked, pretending to be dumb. She understood exactly. Caspian didn't feel good talking about this.  
"The fact that you... you know.. won't worry at all about me with other women, I mean, sure maybe you trust me and stuff but you know, I'd still want you to at least you know, worry.. .a bit," he said, looking at his hands. Susan just stared at him. And then she laughed.  
Susan turned her body to look at him.  
"Would you?" she asked him.  
"What?" Caspian asked back.

"If a man from my past found me and demanded for me," she said, "would you be worried?" she repeated her question.  
"What kind of question is that? Of course I would," he replied. Susan looked at him, the dim orange of the fire in the air. Everything was so quiet, and they enjoyed the silence.  
Susan smiled.  
"You're smiling," he remarked.  
"I am allowed to," she answered him, still smiling.  
Caspian smiled back at her.

"What is wrong with you and the public?" he asked suddenly, and his tone was innocent, casual. He didn't know anything about her issues with the public eye, and she knew that.  
"Nothing," she said.  
"Are you going to keep lying to me?" he raised his eyebrows. Susan sighed.  
"It's just that I am not ready to be judged upon just yet," she said, "give me some time to take this all in,"  
Caspian laughed, "They are not going to judge you,"  
"Oh of course they are. Especially the men I've been with. They are going to march here and tell you that I was a whore—"  
"Language,"  
"—and secretly demand money for their supposed heroic doing of telling the king that his subject of courting used to be a prostitute," her voice sounded as if that was obvious.  
"Well I'm going to tell them that I already know. There's not a law that forbids this you know,"  
"Forbids what?"  
"The king's bride is whoever he chooses," Caspian said, "whatever her past experiences are,"  
"Bride? Slow down," and Caspian silenced.  
"Yes, bride. I've been looking for one," he said, "before I even met you,"  
"But you can still change your mind, right?" her tone sounded somewhat humorous. Caspian looked down.  
"Yes," his voice low and his tone cold. Susan looked at him.  
"Oh come on Caspian. You can't marry me,"  
"Is that so? Why can't I?" he said, his expression was not amused.

"Well because of my past," she said, "I am not good for you. How many times do I have to tell you that?"  
"I can marry whoever I want, Susan. The public have no voice in that unless the woman turns out to be a corrupt queen in the future," he said.  
"Queen? Okay you are too far away for me now," she said.  
"I am always far away," his voice a low growl. "Why are you like this?"  
"What?" she asked back.  
"You are never on the same page with me about our relationship. And what's worse is that you are doing it on purpose," he said, and that silenced her. Susan didn't reply.  
"Relationship?" she said then, "What relationship?"her voice was not timid. Caspian looked at her disbelievingly. She stared back at him, not leaving her ground.  
The two of them stayed there, side by side in one bed, arguing.

"Forget it," he said as he turned around.  
"Can we please just sleep?" he said, already facing the other way. Susan didn't reply, but this was not the way she had imagined their night.  
She left his question unanswered but she didn't remember anything from that point on. She fell asleep before he did.

* * *

She woke up to an empty bed. He was up, and it was still barely 7a.m. The sun was still shy, and the some of the curtains were drawn; not enough to wake her up. Caspian had drawn the curtains to let some light into the room; and he had bathed and was off to his regular duties.  
She looked at the pillows and sheets next to her which was empty; and she found a note on the pillow.

_Susan, __  
I need you in the throne room. Take your time though, no need to rush. I will wait for you._

_Yours,  
Caspian  
_

She looked at the bottom of the note; how he signed it.  
Was he still mad about last night? His frustration was understandable; Susan admitted that. Who wouldn't be frustrated when dealing with a woman like her? But she was doing it on purpose; just like he had said.  
She didn't know what she was doing anymore. At this point, it was all about improvisation, but with one goal only; to drive him away from her. So far, she was failing.

She sat on her vanity after bathing and did her hair, putting on a blue dress. She found herself somewhat confused as to how to act in front of him now, what with all the awkwardness of yesternight. And she thought about it as she made her way to the throne room.

Should she be somewhat cold in her replies? Or should she apologize? She did feel a little guilty though; but continued to ignore the fact that she was. Everything was about driving him away from her now. In the depth of her heart, Susan knew that was not going to succeed, but she would try.  
Should she be apologetic? No, that was not going to happen. Should she pretend to be in love and then rip his heart out by brutally hurting him?  
Susan then scolded herself.  
_"What the hell are you_ doing," she said to herself. She was stupider by the minute.

"Ah, Lady Susan," Willan's voice called her as he exited the throne room.  
"Good morning, Sir Willan," she greeted him, "Is the king there?" she gestured to the room.  
"Yes, milady. He is expecting you," he said again.  
"Is he finished with his duties?" she asked.  
"Just finished the patrol reports, milady," he said again, "he's been rushing through the paperwork to wait for you," Willan grinned. Susan silenced.  
"Hmm. Thank you then," she said.  
"I understand milady is looking for a job in the castle?" he said. Susan stopped her steps.  
"Yes, I am actually," she said, "Do you have a job in mind?" she asked him. Willan grinned.  
"I know just the thing," he said, "I'll inform you of the work requirements later. Good day, milady," he said as he walked away.  
"Good day," she said, almost to herself.

Susan then continued her walk, entering the corridor and feeling the cold wind of Narnian mornings. She still didn't know how she should act, and in the back of her mind she had promised to be as cold as she could.  
That was the thing when she was with him. She couldn't be cold. There was something about him; his innocence and his pure affections for her. He had saved her life; a fact that even she herself often forgot, and once she remembered, it was beautiful.  
Susan shook her head as she stopped in front of the throne room and looked at the painting of him.  
He was so glorious, and Rorkan was there on his shoulder.  
She inhaled as she entered the throne room, and the door closed behind her.


	18. Midnight Games and Jobs

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is inside the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs. **

* * *

As he heard the throne room entrance opened, Caspian looked up from the paper in his hands and stood up. It looked like he had been reading something and was very serious in doing so; his eyebrows furrowed. He didn't smile, nor did he show any kind of anger towards her. He just stayed silent as he descended down the stairs and they both made their way towards each other. He stood in front of her.  
"You asked to see me?" she said, sounding as if nothing ever happened. Caspian noticed the edge in her voice, and he eased.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, catching her off guard. Susan then looked at him, and she eased.  
"Please forgive me Susan. I was a little tired last night, and I know that we can be better than this," he said, "It's just that I was frustrated with us and it made me insensitively unaware of your feelings,"  
Caspian wrapped his arms around her waist, begging for her apology. Susan didn't answer, instead she just looked at him. She sighed.  
"I'm sorry as well," she said, "I'm sorry I said those things,"  
"No, because it opened my mind," he said.  
"Hmm?"

"Yes," he smiled.  
"You were right, we are not in a formal relationship. At least not yet," he said to her.  
"Mmhmm," she answered.  
"Well, today is the day that ends," he said as he held her hand and lead them towards the staircase.  
Susan then stopped.  
"I originally intended for this to happen the night before you went back to Lantern Waste," he said, turning to look at her.  
"Come," he said. Susan looked at him.  
"I don't think so," she answered him. Caspian didn't pay attention to the edge in her voice.  
"Are you really going to still be difficult about this?" he asked, smirking.  
"I'll always be difficult, you know that," she said, "And shouldn't you be the one coming to me? You are the one courting me after all," she said again, folding her arms in front of her body.  
"Alright," he said as he descended down the stairs. Susan was a little surprised he didn't put up an argument, but that might be because of the fact that he just apologized.  
He stood in front of her, and she said nothing. Susan wasn't sure how this would go; all she knew was that he would make a formal permission of courting.

"Do we really need this?" she asked. He was surprised.  
"What? You're rejecting me yet again?" he grinned.  
"No, no I didn't mean it like that," she said, "I meant do you have to make a formal courting proposal? Does it have to be formal?" she asked. Caspian smiled.  
"It's because of my title, you see," he said, "everyone would be worried if there's a thing that is not official, including this," he explained.  
"But why? I imagine it is a burden on your part,"  
"Well because this is not just their king picking a bride. This is choosing their queen. The lords would have my head if we did what we will do and find out everything was just play in the end," he said. Susan silenced.  
"And no, it's not a burden," he smiled at her. Susan didn't join.

"Well how does this go then?" she wasn't familiar.  
"Right. You don't have to do anything," he began, "except coming closer to the stairs," Caspian took her hand and lead her closer to the throne. He let go at the bottom of the stairs, and he walked up. Caspian stood at the top of the stairs and he turned to look at her.

"This is a sort of initiation, you see," he began, "You just answer these questions I'll be giving you," he said, "First, the technical questions," and Susan waited as he opened a scroll.  
"Are you in understanding that courtship may lead to marriage?"  
Susan raised her eyebrows, "What kind of question is this?"  
"Just answer it, please," he smirked.  
"Yes, I am," she said.  
"Very good, and are you in understanding that one of the duties of a queen—"  
"If I every marry you," she interrupted, smirking.  
"—is to produce heirs?" he finished his sentence, somewhat annoyed but kept his mischievous smile.  
"What?" she was surprised, "your questions are quite scary,"  
Caspian didn't respond other than laughing.  
"Yes, I guess," she answered.  
"Excellent, and are you in understanding that during courtship, other romantic relationships with a subject other than the courter or the courtee will result in automatic cancellation?"  
"Mmhmm," she muttered.  
"Very good, very good. And then of course, the slightly less technical," he said as he eased.  
"Will you accept my wish and allow me to at least try to make you fall in love with me?" his voice was not as loud; it was softer, and his body seemed relaxed. And then Susan paid attention.  
She looked at him, and his face looked somewhat afraid. He was afraid she wouldn't accept; she finally understood that. While his voice was softer, his heart was beating fast and he wasn't trying to show it.

"Will it make a difference?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. And then she grinned, and Caspian grinned with her.  
"Is that a yes?" he asked, happy.  
"We'll just see about whether or not you can, okay?" she said in smiles. Caspian was happy.  
"Now, one last thing," he said.  
"What?" she looked at him, wondering what could possibly be there left to do.

"I need you to come here,"  
Susan looked at the stairs in front of her, and she stared at the top step. No one ever dared to go further, except the king's pick. The king's pick, she thought of herself. He had picked her.  
Susan stepped forward and placed her foot on the first step of the stairs. When she reached the top, he was there.  
"Now what?" she asked him, awkwardly standing near him and aware of the fact that she was standing on top of the stairs.  
"We kiss," he said.  
Susan turned her head to look at him.  
"You know that's not going to happen," she said to him.  
"I do," he said, "And that's why…."  
He then offered his hand, palm up. Susan looked at the offered palm, and she considered the idea of it.  
He was going to keep his promise and not kiss her _lips_.  
She slowly placed her hand on his palm and Caspian brought it to his lips. She looked at him as he closed his eyes and kissed her hand. He smiled, and then he pulled her into an embrace, kissing her shoulder.

"Are we okay?" he asked her, unsure. Susan eased.  
"Yes, we are," she answered as she smiled. Caspian then grinned.  
"Well then let's go get some breakfast, are you hungry?" he asked as he offered his arm to her.  
Susan hesitated before answering, but then she looked at him and took a deep breath.

"Starving," she answered as they descended down the stairs. Caspian smiled.  
"No worries. Now for the last part of the courting permission…" he said, trailing off.  
Susan looked at him, not sure if what he was going to say was a good idea.

* * *

"Do we really have to do this now?" she said as he held her hand, leading the way in a rather excited manner. Caspian grinned.  
"Mmhmm," he answered cheekily. Susan just stared at the man in front of her, who was quite excited, to say the least.  
The two walked together from the throne room to somewhere Susan knew wouldn't be quiet.  
She was nervous, that was obvious though she didn't intend to show it. Caspian somehow knew she was nervous, but he didn't stop.

"Caspian," she said, putting them into a halt right in front of the door they were supposed to go in.  
Caspian looked at her, wondering what she was going to say.  
"Let me breathe for a second," she said as she placed her hands in the air between them, palms facing him. Caspian smiled.  
"What are you so nervous about? You aren't nervous with me," he asked her in smiles. Susan looked at him.  
"Well it's practically your fathers inside there. Uncles and loyal knights of your father's, if I'm correct?"  
"Yes," he answered.  
"I'm not exactly the type of woman father would love," she said. Caspian shrugged.  
"What are you talking about, they'll love you," he said as if that was obvious.  
"I was never good with parents, Caspian," she said again, "I don't think I'm ready for this,"  
"You'll do great. You are ready, I know it," he said, assuring her.  
"You didn't even give me time to freshen up," she said to him again. Caspian laughed.

"You're beautiful,"  
And Susan couldn't reply. She didn't realize this, but for the first time in a long time, Susan really noticed his features. His skin although somewhat tan was smooth and flawless, his handsomely pointy nose and his cheekbones that shows when he curled his lips upwards. She found herself in awe for the first time that the king of Narnia, a man of his glory and virtue, was courting her.  
Susan felt blood boiling to her face. She couldn't help but smile.

"Now come on," he said as he took her hand in his and opened the door.

Lights automatically came from the room, lighting Susan's sight. Caspian lead her hands and stopped when all the lords stood up to greet him.  
She didn't know what to say.

"Good morning Your Majesty," one of them said in a grin.  
"Good morning gentlemen," Caspian greeted them as he lead her to walk to their seats, at the end of the long dining table.  
He pulled a chair for her as they whispered about who the girl was. They knew who she was of course, but they were waiting for the big news. Susan sat down.  
"Please be seated, my lords," Caspian said, and the men sat. They all looked at their king, who was still standing up. Susan looked at their faces and realized that they were all tense. They looked at him with serious expressions on their faces, and no one made a sound.

"Gentlemen, I have come today to breakfast with a good news, both for me and for our country," he said. The lords didn't dare move. They were too anxious, it seemed. Some of them was already smiling at this point, silently aware of what the news was.

"I have just made a formal courting permission,"  
And the lords all cheered. They clapped their hands and grinned in joy, some even hugging others, others bringing their glass up to a toast. The quiet dining hall suddenly was filled with cheers and laughter. Susan was shocked, but she smiled too. Caspian took her hand and helped her stand.  
"The Lady Susan of Lantern Waste," he said. The men cheered for her.

"We give you both our blessing and consent, majesty," one of the lords said and Caspian smiled.  
"Thank you," he said.  
"To King Caspian the tenth and the Lady Susan of Lantern Waste!" they cheered and toasted to the almost-unison.

Susan sat down and Caspian held her hand, smiling.  
"See? I told you, nothing to worry about. They're like family to me above all things," Caspian said.  
"I'm happy you are surrounded by such a peaceful board of advisors," she said to him, smiling. And before Caspian could answer, the lords sitting near to them were offering her food.

"My lady, you must try the spiced vegetable. It is a trademark of Telmar you see, we take proud in our spiced veggies,"  
"Oh yes how very kind—"  
"And also the mulled wine, milady. I know it's only breakfast but a glass will never hurt anyone, would it?"  
"I'd love to—"  
"And we have a delicacy you see milady, black date bread. We usually eat it with spiced yolk,"  
"Ah yes the famous Telmarine spiced yolk. We eat them raw of course milady,"  
"You must try the paprika one, milady. It's quite the cook's genius work,"  
"Yes but don't try the oil and salt. Too greasy for a lady as yourself I'm afraid, it'll not be very pleasant in your throat,"  
"Aye," and the rest of the men sounded their agreement.

"Oh no need to go through all that trouble to give me food, my lords," she said, bashfully smiling.  
The lords only looked at her.  
"Not at all, milady. After all, you're with our Caspian now," one of them said in smiles.  
"You're practically our almost-daughter-in-law, milady," another one said, the rest of them agreed. Susan stayed quiet, and she turned her head to look at the man beside her. Caspian smiled at her.

"I actually would love some of that spiced vegetables, my lord," she said, and then the noises about food started again.

* * *

"My king!" the sound of his best friend stopped Caspian's steps. The day was already coming to an end; around nine thirty in the evening.  
"Ah, Willan," he said.  
"I understand the Lady Susan is looking for a job?" the knight asked to confirm the questionable truth.  
"Yes. Apparently she doesn't like staying in the castle for free," Caspian answered, "I like that about her," he smiled.  
"Her independence?" Willan asked, in smiles also.  
"Yes," Caspian said, "she's different from any other,"  
"I know," Willan said, "And you probably want to be close to her at all times, right?" the knight teased.  
"Yes," the king grinned.  
"Mm. Thought so. That is why I have prepared something very special for you and her," the knight grinned mischievously. Caspian didn't feel good about this.

"What?"

* * *

Susan came out of the bathroom and clothed herself while she waits for Caspian to come. He was out finishing some of the reports and diplomatic troubles, and she didn't feel right sleeping on his bed before he does.  
She looked out the window and felt somewhat at home.  
It had been a long time since she felt at home, and to think that she would feel at home here was unexpected.  
She thought of him, and how she realized she was beginning to fall. It was dangerous, she knew. And she was playing with fire, she knew that too.  
But how she felt today was something she had never felt before: comfort. She was comfortable today. And she shouldn't be.

The door then opened and Susan turned her head to see. Caspian smiled as he saw her and he walked to her.  
"Enjoying the view?" he said as he took her hand and kissed the back of her palm.  
"Mmm," she replied, "I already bathed, so you can go ahead and use the bathroom now," she said.  
"Alright," he replied as he went into the bathroom and cleaned himself. Splashes of water was heard, and he came out fresh and clean, hair washed and skin rid of any sweat. The cool Narnian air was getting to them, thankfully the fire was gloriously lit.  
Susan didn't move from the window, when he heard the bathroom door opened she didn't turn her head. She just looked at the view from his bedroom; the best view in the castle.  
Caspian looked at her, sitting there with her hands on her lap, still and unmoving. She wore her night gown with her corset on, and she let her hair completely loose; free of pins and ornaments. Her chocolate waves fell to just under her waist, complimenting her pale skin.  
Caspian walked to her and stood beside her.

"I never knew something could be so beautiful," she said, still not looking at him.  
"What, the view? Yes it is," he agreed.  
"No, I mean," she began, "a family of some sort,"  
Her respond was something new to him. Caspian laughed.  
"They adore you, Susan," he said, sitting next to her. She smiled her usual demure curl of the lips.  
"You were wonderful with them today," he said, taking her hand, "As I knew you would be," he kissed the back of her palm.  
"They're all very welcoming," she said to him, her voice flat.  
"I am happy," he said as he kissed her hand once again. She smiled, but he quickly noticed the strange eeriness in the curve of her lips.  
"Something wrong?" he asked her. Susan didn't answer at first. She didn't look at him, either. She just continued to look at the view seen from the window; torches that were lit throughout Narnia. She had her palms on her lap and crossed her knees, her shoulders not holding its tall figure like the way she brought herself in her walks. Her expression was unreadable, although he could sense that what she was thinking was not a good thought. Caspian waited for her to respond, nonetheless, and he did not notice the usual anxiety he felt when she was being like this. He kept a positive mindset and waited.

"What if we don't work out?"  
The words came out of her lips like a newly sharpened blade. Caspian's smile slowly faded.  
"We have to face this at some point, Caspian. What if things don't work out between us?" she asked again, not realizing the fact that she wanted an answer. He was almost used to this now, used to her thinking like this. Caspian didn't want to accept that condition, but being a smart man, he knew she had a point. What if they didn't work out after all? What would he do? What would she do?

"Would you still be happy?" she asked, unsure. He silenced at her question.  
"No," he answered, and Susan turned her head to look at him.  
"Why? I am only a woman," she asked him back, smiling.  
"You have been with me long enough to know I don't see you as only that," he said.  
Susan looked back to the view in front of her. He noticed the sadness in her expression; the faraway gaze; although looking at the view she really wasn't looking at anything at all.

"Your uncles and advisors were very kind to me today," she said, "they said I am their family now," a quiver clear in her voice.  
"And we are only in the early stages of our courtship," she said again.  
"What are you saying, Susan?" he asked.  
"I don't deserve their adoration, Caspian. Look at me," she gestured to her body, "I am a used woman," she said as she shook her head. "And you," she paused.  
"Look at you, Caspian," she said, her tone suddenly changed. Susan lifted her hand and placed her palm on his chest, "you're perfect,"

Caspian looked at her, unable to say a word. Susan stared at her hand on his chest and finally stood up, walking over to their bed. He turned around and stood up too and walked to the bed with her. Susan sat on the edge of the bed, and he followed her. He sat beside her and took her hand in his. He then saw her; the fragile, somewhat damaged woman in front of him; a woman he was in love with.

"Let's play a game," he suddenly said. Susan smiled as she raised her eyebrows, the sorrow expression gone from her face.  
"What game?"

* * *

He sat on the bed facing the bathroom door, waiting.  
He waited, his shoulders slumped and taking a few deep breaths once a while. Women's clothes were always so difficult. He looked to the fireplace, and then to the bed posters beside him. He played with his nails, and just waited.  
Suddenly he the bathroom doorknob was opened, and timidly it revealed what was inside.  
"Caspian?" her voice called his name, checking to see if he was there.

Caspian was instantly aware of her presence.

"I don't feel good in this," she said, trying to hold in laughter. Caspian grinned.  
"Come out I want to see you," he said, impatient.  
Susan looked down as she opened the door completely and stepping out of the bathroom. He looked at her from her head to her toe, and he laughed out loud.

"Don't laugh," she said, yet laughing also.  
"Well it's…" he paused, nodding, "definitely uhm…aristocratic," he continued, folding his arms and continued laughing.  
"Do female Telmarine aristocrats really dress like this?" she asked him, emphasizing the irony in her sentence.  
"No, you're right," he cleared his throat. "Your body is the only thing good about that dress right now, Susan," he said, and she smiled awkwardly. Caspian realized what he just said, and he quickly apologized.  
"Sorry I didn't mean—"  
"It's okay," she said as she grinned and looked down to the floor.  
The two of them was rather silent for a moment, both looking at the floor and realizing for the first time they were awkward together. Caspian cleared his throat again.

"Now speaking of dresses," he said as he pulled a bow from under their bed and put it on top of the white bed cover, "I have something for you,"  
Susan walked to him and sat beside him on the bed. She opened the box, and inside it was a dress.  
It was sky blue in color, with white corsets and gold hems.  
"I had it made in this color, it matches your eyes," he said as he looked at him. Susan lifted her head.  
"I'll try it on," she said as she got up and entered the bathroom. Caspian was left to wait once more.

He stood up and took another box from the drawer next to his mirror. And before he knew it, he heard the sound of the turning doorknob once more.

"What do you think?" she stood timidly at the entrance of the bathroom. Caspian only looked at her, and he didn't smile nor did he frown. He just looked, not saying anything, not moving. Susan waited for an answer or a respond.

"You don't like it. I knew this was not going to look good on me," she said as she retreated back to the bathroom.  
"You're beautiful,"

She stopped her steps and turned around. She looked like she didn't believe him. Caspian walked to her and lead her to the mirror to see for herself. She looked at herself, and she didn't smile.  
"I know just the thing," he said again as he put on the necklace he had in the box. Another gift.

"Look at you," he said as the two of them looked at their reflection. Caspian placed his hand on her waist.  
"You're perfect,"

Susan didn't respond. She just looked at herself, and then she turned her head to look at him.

"You know you can't keep lavishing me with these gifts, Caspian," she said.  
"Why can't I?" he challenged her, grinning. And then Susan smiled.

"Because as of tomorrow, I'm your new handmaid,"


	19. A Woman of Dignity

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few OCs.  
Author's Note: Hello everyone! Thanks to all of you who have been reviewing! It means a lot more than you might think. Read and enjoy! **

* * *

Susan opened her eyes and adjusted to the dim setting of Caspian's bedroom. It was not quite bright yet, she was sure; a little over 6 in the morning. She closed her eyes for a second longer and looked at the man sleeping beside her. Caspian lay asleep so close to her, his face so calm. His lips slightly parted and she could hear his breathing. She didn't realize she was smiling.

Susan then got up and stood, walked to the bathroom and bathed herself. Today was a surely new day in every aspect. She was starting her job today as Caspian's handmaid. Willan explained that the job was basically tending to Caspian's special needs if he has any, like breakfast if he's sick. Giany of course felt some of her burden lifted, so she agreed. Susan also knew about the less honorable part of being a handmaid, and that was to bear his children in case his wife cannot. This she does not approve of; and Willan told her that she does not have to do it if she didn't want to.

"_Besides," Willan had said to her last night, "looks like his wife will be you anyway so no need to do it," he said. _

Caspian of course did not approve, but when she explained that she won't do _that_ part of the job, he eventually eases.  
Susan stepped out of the bath and put on her uniform. It was a simple one; no fuss, no muss. She remembered the dress Caspian gave her the other night, and it was beautiful. He was so kind to her, part of her wondered was he doing it just so he can get her attention or was it because he wanted to do it? Although she already knew which one was the answer. He lavished her with all these gifts, sometimes it made her feel bad, like she was with him to have all these gifts only, when really, she wasn't.

Was she?

She came out of the bathroom and saw him still sleeping. It was a little over 7 now, and her first job of the day was to get him up. She wasn't sure how to do this; she never had to before. She walked over to his side of the bed, and he still was asleep, unaware of her presence.  
She didn't know what to do; how should she wake him, how he liked to be waken up every morning. She stood there hovering.

"Your majesty," her voice timid, unsure. Caspian didn't move.  
"Your majesty," she repeated.  
"Your ma—"  
"I'm up," he answered suddenly, his voice coarse. He yawned, still unaware of the situation.

"Good morning sire. Would you like to have breakfast here or in the balcony, your majesty?" she asked. Caspian then got up and sat on the edge of his bed. He ran his fingers through his hair, and then he looked at her.

"You're really doing this?" he asked, his eyes fully opened now.  
"Mmhmm," she answered. Caspian inhaled a deep breath.

"Well. Balcony please," he said, rubbing his eyes as he stood up.  
"Very good a choice, my lord," she said. Caspian stood in front of her.  
"Have breakfast with me," he said, smiling. Susan smiled back.  
"I can't, my lord, you know that," she answered him as he circled his arm around her waist.  
"Why not?" he asked, still smiling.  
"I work for you now, Caspian. I have to at least mingle with the rest of the maids, can't sit with you following you around all day," she answered. Caspian didn't like where this was heading.  
"But I am free for dinner though," she said again, and he grinned.

"Hello," he said as he took her hand.  
"Hello," Susan answered him as he kissed her hand.  
"Your bath is prepared for you," she said. "But tell me, what does a king's handmaid do, exactly? Apart from the parts I already know,"  
"Besides bearing my children if my queen cannot?" he smirked and raised his eyebrows.  
"A part you don't like," she remarked and he nodded.  
"I'm talking about my daily agenda. What do you need me for, most days?" she asked.

"Well around this time I'd be coming out of the bath," he started.  
"I'm making you late," she said.  
"Yes you are," he smirked. "And then I'd be off to breakfast where you'd be off to the kitchen helping out with the lords' breakfast. And then I'd spend the rest of the mornings in the throne room, and then you help me with my sparring gear,"  
"Swords and shields and bows?"  
"More like drinks and towels and fresh shirts," he shrugged, "my sword will be with me throughout the day, shields are provided near the field," he said.  
"Okay," she answered, "continue,"  
"Then I will take a bath which you would have helped draw for me, and after that the tax reports and back to the throne room for private audiences with the people," he said, "And then diplomatic maintenances, discussion with the lords, and around nine thirty is my free time. Then dinner, then catch up on some reading and off to bed," he said.  
"Your day is pretty much scheduled," she remarked, "Are you sure dinner is a good idea?" she asked.  
"The highlight of my day," he answered as he smiled to her.

* * *

Susan descended down the kitchen stairs. To tell you the truth, she was a bit nervous. She had never worked in the castle before, and now being Caspian's subject of courting, things were bound to be a little awkward between her and the other worker. In a minute she would be serving food to the men she had breakfast with yesterday. She remembered how they all treated her; they took care of her, in a way. Because she was with Caspian now, and they all loved him. She smiled at the thought; that in a court room in a newly united country, Caspian had all the support a king would want. It pleased her to see that he is loved the way a son would by a father; his real father and mother had died. Susan blanked at the thought. He didn't really know his original birth parents, yet they held such a special place in his heart. He wanted to meet his father, and he respected his mother that was for sure. She couldn't think. All this somehow nauseated her.

"There you are!" Giany exclaimed as she saw her entering the kitchen. The rest of the kitchen staff looked up from their work. Mostly they were all women of Giany's age, maybe 5 years younger or 3 years older but not more. Susan looked at them, and then she realized something that made her breathe back normally. They all smiled.

"So are you King Caspian's woman then?" one of them asked, and she was surprised. They all were silent, waiting for her to answer, waiting for her answer itself. Susan looked at all of them as she smiled mildly.

"I'm not his woman yet," she answered, and the kitchen staff laughed.

"I like her," one of them said, and Susan grinned.  
"Welcome to the kitchen, milady," Giany greeted her.  
"No need for titles please, I'm one of the king's workers, as you all are," she answered.  
"Right. Then you shall get your behind here and help us spice some vegetables then," one of them said again. Susan smiled determinedly.

She began by picking spinach leaves, and then sautéing some greens with lard and salt, spicing the vegetables with cumin and pepper. She cleaned at least four dozen eggs with the help of Birian, the maid who was at the age of 55 and was in charge of the egg station of the royal meals, along with Elvira, the maid at the age of 52. She cracked the eggs and scooped out the yolk, combining them with a little bit of cream, seasonings and chopped spinach leaves. She took another two dozen eggs and separated the white from the yolk to make the famous Telmarine spiced yolk (which is eaten raw with a little bit of seasoning).  
"Now dear," Birian said, "we usually spice them with paprika or cumin, but the lords always prefer the paprika ones probably because they have more bite to them. Our King Caspian likes it only with salt and white pepper," she told her.  
"What do you think of it?" Susan asked the woman. Birian grinned.  
"I love the cumin dear," she answered, and Susan smiled back.  
"I prefer cumin too,"

She then moved on the job of cooking the sweet part of royal breakfasts; today's menu was toasted bread with sugared berries. It was an easy enough job; all she needed to do was clean the berries and cut off the leaves or parts that have gone bad. She did so with the help of many people; and by the end of the day, Susan already knew all 25 staffs of the main kitchen. She was about to rest when suddenly Giany called out to her.

"Susan," Giany called just as she was sitting down.  
"Yes?" she answered.

"Your job's not over yet,"

* * *

"Good morning my lords," she said with a jug of mulled wine in her hands. The lords seemed surprised that she was going to be the one serving them this morning.  
"Why, good morning Lady Susan," one of them said.  
"A job in the castle I see, milady?" another one asked again. Susan smiled back.  
"I can't stay here for free can I?" she asked back as an answer as she pours wine one by one into the lords' goblet.  
"Whatever is the reason for that mindset, milady?" Lord Lyrn asked her, confused, "Surely there is no need to feel that way," he said again.  
"My Lord Lyrn is kind enough to feel that way, but this is not a matter of necessity," she said, "More of a… principal," she finished her sentence. The lords murmured. It is unusual for a woman to have her own principals in life, even if she was the king's favor.  
"Tell me, Lady Susan," it was Gyrron, Caspian's closest relative in the board, "What principals do you hold dear in your heart?" he asked, somehow challenging her. All the lords looked at her.  
Susan kept walking around and filling the lords' goblet with the mulled wine she just helped make this morning.

"Principals are not built to merely be held dear in our hearts, my lord," she answered, smirking.  
"What is the use of it then?" he asked again.  
"Hmm," she paused, "What is the use of air to a human who breathes?" she asked back, and they all listened.  
"While air may be viewed as something of absolute necessity, I see principals are to a man of principals as air is to a man who breathes. And I am very much one, my lords," she answered.  
"Can you give us an example, Lady Susan, of a principal you hold so dear?" this time it was Tyrrian, cousin of Caspian the ninth. Susan looked at the lord, and she continued to do her job while answering.  
"A woman should always be able to survive without the aid of men," she said, and they all murmured.  
"Not even for money, milady?" one of them asked. Telmarine customs are very complicated, she realized.  
"Especially not for money, my lords," she answered.  
"Yes but milady, how shall one live without the aid of money?"  
"Yes and without the aid of men, how will a woman survive in this world?" and they all agreed to the confusion which fired the question. Susan smiled.  
"We must never let ourselves be fooled by the thought of money, gentlemen," she said, "and as for the aid of men, I am stating that I will not need them anymore than they need me," she smirked.  
"A woman of dignity I see," Tyrrian remarked.  
"A compliment for my behalf, my lord," Susan lowered her body.  
"A good quality in a woman," one of them remarked.

"But I'm afraid not a good quality for a wife,"

That turned her head at Gyrron. She grinned, nonetheless.  
"How so, my lord?" she asked them, waiting for an answer.

"Men, milady, we are rather complicated beings. We like to feel needed and wanted. Clearly a woman like you don't express it as much as we'd like to," one of them said to her.  
"Then a man very much deserving of my love shall be the best of men, my lord, for he understands without being said how much I need him and how much he needs me," she stated.  
"Yes but isn't that thought a bit irrational, Lady Susan?" Gyrron spoke, "unspoken-but-hoped-for feelings are not the forte of Telmarine men, how will you handle one of us using a weapon we are numb to? How can you be a good wife when you will not obey the customs of your husband?"  
"Customs of my husband? Please give me an example of it, my lord," she said.  
"A woman should never try to dominate their husband's feelings with their own and a woman with such exuberant personality and principals such as yourself will surely not be able to do that. A woman should never express their opinions in diplomatic discussions. And," he paused, "Telmarine women are not allowed to rule," Gyrron said again. Susan knew he was correlating this to her. She only smiled.

" Thank Aslan I am not a Telmarine then," she said, grinning. The dining hall was filled with murmurs.  
"I must ask of you, why so, my lord?" she asked, "why can't a woman rule?"  
Gyrron looked at her, "Why do you think my lady?" he asked.  
"The way I see it, gentlemen, there are only a few options to respond to this wonder. The first one being that Telmarine women are stupid that they cannot rule (and not that they aren't allowed to), and second being that the men are afraid of us being too smart," she said.  
"Now, I am clearly not stupid and of course the most important part," she said, "none of you all are afraid, are you, my lords?" she asked back with a grin. Gyrron's subtle smirk became a grin.

"You surprise us, milady," Gyrron said again, "welcome at court,"  
Susan saw all the smiles on the faces of each one of the lords there. That was just a test, she knew it. None of what they said about the women's rights, none of it were true. She was happy that she at least answered it all, spoke her mind.

"Thank you my lords," she said as she lowered her body and left the dining hall.

* * *

She spent the rest of the morning cleaning the used plates in the kitchen, and helped prepare for lunch. The main kitchen's duties are to prepare food for the king and the lords, but the south, east, north and west kitchen prepares food for high knights, armies, stable boys and the rest of the workers. She washed and rinsed the lineup of used plates and cutleries.  
"There you are Susan," Giany greeted her as she descended down the stairs.  
"Hello Giany," she greeted back as she continued to do her work. The kitchen was empty; the rest of the kitchen staff was out to have breakfast after the breakfast part of their job is done, including Giany.

"Have you eaten yet?" Giany asked her, sitting beside her and grabbing a plate.  
"No, I'm hoping to get this done early so that I can see Caspian for a bit at lunch," she said, and at that instant Susan realized what she just said. Giany grinned and raised her eyebrows.  
"Young lovebirds, I envy you sometimes," the old woman said as she laughed.  
"You know I've been with the boy since he was at the early teens, I've never seen him this crazy about a woman before," she said, and Susan smiled to herself.  
"Of course since he was fifteen the lords started to look for a wife for him, and then the whole Miraz controversy exploded," she said, "No one was there to really help him though, except of course for Lady Prunaprismia but she's gone now," Giany said.  
"She was kind to him?" Susan asked.  
"Very kind yes. She often told me to disobey her husband's orders to protect him. Aye she did" the woman told her.  
"One time, the young king was sick and couldn't get out of bed, and Miraz told me not to feed him unless he came to practice sparring," Giany said, "Lady Prunaprismia came here to this very kitchen and picked up food for him herself," she said.  
"What a wonderful woman," Susan replied as she tried to picture Miraz's wife.

"Is that the kind of childhood Caspian had?" Susan asked, careful and afraid to hear the answer.  
"Aye milady. And more grueling stories of lashing and endless practice sessions. All of which Miraz hid behind the excuse to build the young king's mentality. He never gave him bad food or anything, this was still King Caspian's castle after all," Giany told her, "but it was enough. He killed the late King Caspian the ninth, and his mother too. It was not enough that Miraz gave the young king lashes every morning and evening if he loses in a spar. And of course in the old days when we're not yet united, the young king had to witness the death punishments," the old woman said to her.  
"Death punishments?" Susan asked.  
"For the people who were charged of treason, usually punishments like beheading are done every Friday. It may be nothing for him now, but for when he was a nine-year-old boy it was something," Giany washed the dishes in front of her. Susan couldn't answer.  
"I'm just glad he is the man he is now, milady. For all I know, he could turn out exactly like his uncle,"  
"But he didn't," Susan finished Giany's sentence, smiling.  
The old woman stopped working and looked at the woman in front of her.

"I'll finish this, milady. You can take a short break and see him if you want to," Giany said as she smiled. Susan raised her eyebrows, "No, I can't leave my work here," she said.  
"Your work in the kitchen is done. Now that breakfast is finished, he is in the throne room. You meet him there, every day after breakfast. It might do you some good to see how he rules," Giany said as she went back to washing dishes.  
"Are you sure this is okay?" Susan asked, not feeling good to leave.  
"Go on now child," Giany said again. Susan grinned.  
"Thanks Giany,"

"Mmhmm,"

* * *

Susan stood before the painting in front of the throne room.  
He stood in the picture so valiantly, so tall and proud for a reason. He was gallant, noble and in his face was happiness. She realized the same quality in his real face; he was always so happy. She doesn't understand why he was so energetic, but at least he's happy enough for the both of them. Susan rearranged her hair and tucked it all away from her face. She fixed the apron in front of her body, and then she entered the room.

He was there of course, sitting on his throne with Willan at the bottom of the stairs.  
"And the men?" he asked the knight, continuing a previous discussion.  
"On the way here, Your majesty," Willan said.

"Thank you Willan," Caspian said as the knight walked away.  
He then realized she was in the room, and he stood up, descended down the stairs. He smiled as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Please," Susan said, grinning, "I came here to help you with your sparring gears," she said again.  
"Towels, drinks and fresh shirts, if I'm not mistaken?" she asked him, "I'll go get them, my lord," she said as she readied herself to leave.  
"Whoa, now wait a minute," he said as he caught her arm and pulled her back to him.  
"You know, you don't really have to leave," he said to her, grinning, "After all who really needs shirts, anyway," Caspian then kissed her hand.  
Suddenly the throne room door opened and the both of them turned their heads.

"So this is where you are then. Come along now Caspian are you up for a spar or what?" Willan said as he grinned and left.  
Caspian looked at her.  
"Come with me," he said.  
"Lead the way,"

* * *

The practice field wasn't crowded. Willan had said that whenever Caspian was sparring, a crowd would gather and watch. Any minute now that would happen.  
Willan was ready, and he was out of his armor and in his shirt and doublet. No shields, only a sword.

"No shields?" Susan asked the king.  
"No shields," he replied.  
She watched as the fellow knights and the castle staff like maids and cooks were gathering around the field, forming a circle ready to watch their king spar. She looked at them, realizing that she knew most of them, and she looked at the way he was grinning. Caspian took off his tunic, leaving him with his shirt and breeches.

"No doublet?" she asked him again, obviously she was starting to question this. Caspian stifled a laugh.  
"Susan, I'm a better swordsman than you think," he said as he grinned.  
"It's not that, silly. If you get hurt I'll have to clean your wound for you, it'll just add my work," she answered, and he knew she was lying.

"I'll be fine," he answered her.  
"You better be," now her worry was obvious. Susan, in her life had never seen a duel without protection. And she had never seen the king's sword-fighting skills so she was not aware of what to expect. She stood at the side lines, holding his tunic with a worried look on her face.

Willan was already there, and he smirked as he saw his friend.  
"Don't hold back, knight," Caspian said to his friend.  
"Never have and never will, my king," the knight answered as he charged.  
The first clash of the two swords were heard, and Susan watched as the two men fought.  
She watched as he moved with agility like she had never seen before. She watched as he charged and blocked and attacked. There were moves from Willan that was close to injure him, but he somehow managed to get out of the way in time.  
In her life Susan had seen spars, but very rarely with such nobility. This was the king, fighting in a friendly match with his high knight. The crowd began to gather some more, and she looked as they all grinned and smiled. They loved watching their king spar; and more so with Willan, the second best swordsman in all of Narnia. It was to prove his worth, and for his daily exercise too. On other days he would undergo more intense training than a mere sparring session.  
She looked as Willan's move once again was close to injuring him, but Caspian avoided the attack swiftly. He had a grin on his face as he looked at her and winked.  
Susan didn't realize the smile she had on her face.

Caspian, on the other hand did a good job on severing Willan's doublet. If he hadn't had it on, his skin would've been through some shallow cuts. The two of them moved so fast, it was hard to keep track of either of their movements.  
Suddenly Caspian twisted his arm and with a swift move, Willan's sword was tossed to the ground. Caspian had his sword up Willan's neck, and the crowd was clapping and cheering. The king lowered his sword and shook hands with his knight.  
He then bowed to the crowd with Willan as the viewers' cheers became louder.  
"Well done," Willan said to him.  
"As always," Caspian teased him and the knight jabbed his shoulder.

And suddenly just as everyone thought it was over, Caspian spoke.  
"And now for the real event," he said aloud. Suddenly murmurs of the confused crowd was heard. Even Willan was confused; this wasn't what goes on every day.  
Susan looked at the crowd around her and noticed the confused look on their faces.  
"Today, my friends, we are not sparring to merely train our bodies," he said, walking around.  
"Me and this knight is fighting," he paused, "for a reason,"  
The silenced crowd once again voiced their murmurs.  
"Now, I can't call her a prize, because she is not as lowly," he said, "Rather, she is above me you see. Because I am fighting to prove my love," he said.

"For a beautiful damsel," he said again as he gestured his hand to Susan.  
She could see the grin on his face, and Susan looked down, embarrassed although she was smiling also.  
Everyone watching cheered. Their shouts and whistles and claps were heard. They were thrilled for the both of them. Willan smirked.  
She was speechless. She was not able to think. All there was was just Caspian.  
He smiled at her, and then he and the knight once again started their duel.

Their swords clashed, and Caspian avoided Willan's attempt to knock him out. He knew the knight was not going to hold back just because of his declaration, or the fact that he was king. The two of them had been sparring since they were little. Willan was the son of the royal ironsmith, so fighting with Caspian seemed natural to him, even if he was the king.  
He attacked with all his might, blocked when he should, but so did Caspian.

The two of them had agility and mobility, swiftness and grace to how they moved. Fighting is an art to them, and they seemed to do it ever so easily. The sun was scorching, bullets of sweat came down their forehead, still their smiles; a sign of friendship which based this duel did not leave their faces.

Then the previous thing happened again. Caspian twisted his arm, and suddenly Willan's sword was tossed to the ground. He had his sword up Willan's neck, and then the crowd cheered again.  
Caspian lowered his sword, and once again shook the knight's hand.

He then turned at the cheering from the crowd and bowed.  
He ran to Susan, who was bashfully smiling. She covered her face with one of her palm, and when he got to her Caspian kissed her hand.  
"You're unbelievable," she said as she shook her head and smiled, then she took him in an embrace. Caspian grinned as he kissed her forehead.

"Wave to the crowd now," he said beside her ear as he turned around and the both of them waved to the cheers. Willan whistled aloud for the two of them.  
Caspian then offered his hand and lead her away, leaving the practice field.


End file.
